Their Second Chance
by angel1002
Summary: Takes place during season five- Cordelia is in her coma and The PTB decide that she and Angel deserve a second chance. Will they take it and how will it be accomplished if she is unconscious.
1. Chapter 1

**I own none of the characters of Angel**

"Thanks Harmony." I said as she brought me Cordelia's daily report, no change as usual. She has been in the damn coma for six months and so far the doctors here at Wolfram and Hart have not been able to wake her and I haven't been to see her since she was admitted. I really have no good excuse. Maybe I'm selfish but I want to remember her happy and vibrant as she once was, not lying helpless on a hospital bed.

I knew that today I couldn't avoid going to go see her, it was her birthday. If she ever did wake up and learned that I didn't visit her on her birthday she would never forgive me. She is too young, only twenty-four, to be lying in a coma waiting to die. It's not fair. If we only would have met up that night things may have turned out differently. I grabbed my coat and walked out of my office.

"Harmony, I'm leaving for the day." I said

"Boss, it's only one."

"I know what time it is. I'll have my phone on but only call if it's a matter of life or death."

"My life or death or anyone's?" I rolled my eyes. She could be so dense sometimes.

"Wes, Fred, Gunn or Lorne's. I don't give a shit about anyone else." I muttered. I turned around and ran right into Wes.

"Sorry Angel." He said apologetically. "Are you going somewhere?"

"It's her birthday." I said simply and Wes nodded in understanding and patted me on the back as I walked past him.

When I arrived at the hospital I stopped in the gift shop and bought her some balloons and flowers. I know that she wouldn't know that they were there, but it was the thought counted. I recently had her moved to a private room because I knew that she would hate sharing a room but I didn't know where her room was so I had to stop at the nurse's station to get directions. Once I knew where I was going I walked slowly to Cordy's room, pausing momentarily before entering.

"Hey Cordy." I said when I walked into the room. I set the big vase of flowers on the desk next to her bed and I tied the bouquet of balloons to her bed. I then took in her surroundings. It was amazing what money could buy. It looked like she was living a life of luxury in a hotel room. There was a couch for guests to relax on, and a couple of chairs next to her bed. The room also included a desk and lamp. My eyes found the photographs that I brought when she was first admitted. There were pictures of all of our friends, group and solo shots. There was a picture of her feeding baby Connor, a picture of her, Connor and I and a couple pictures of the two of us alone. I sighed sadly because this was her life now. I grabbed a chair and pulled it next to her but before I sat down I leaned down and gently pressed my lips to her motionless ones.

"Happy Birthday Cordelia." I said softly as I linked my fingers through hers. "I'm sorry that I haven't been here to see you."

"You damn well are sorry. I can't believe that it took you six months to bring your sorry ass here to see me." I jerked my head up at the sound of her voice expecting to see her big brown eyes looking back at me but they were still closed.

"Cordy is that you?"

"Who do you think it is?" Her voice said but her lips never moved. I closed my eyes and shook my head. I was loosing my mind. I was so desperate to hear her voice that I was now imagining that I was. When I opened my eyes she was still lying there, perfectly still.

"I must be losing it." I mumbled to myself.

"You lost it a long time ago buster."

"What the hell is happening to me?"

"Angel turn around." The voice of Cordelia demanded. Not knowing why I was responding to a voice in my head I did as I was told and turned around and there she was standing in front of me. I whirled around and looked back at the bed and saw her still lying there. I turned back around and saw her standing there grinning. I probably looked back and forth between the comatose Cordy and the non-comatose Cordy until she sighed loudly and irritably. "Knock it off. You are making me dizzy."

"What the hell is going on?" I asked as I staggered away from both Cordy's and collapsed on the couch.

"Are you okay?" She whispered kneeling in front of me. "You are pale. Well you are always pale but right now you are paler then normal." She reached out and gently touched my face and I felt it. I quickly jerked away from her. My skin burnt from her touch.

"Hell no I'm not okay. I have lost my mind. My best friend who is in a coma is lying in the bed and standing in front of me, touching me so I am most definitely not okay."

"Angel I can explain."

"The only plausible explanation would be that I've lost my mind."

"You haven't lost your mind Angel."

"Says the woman standing in front of me that shouldn't be here." I stood and pushed my way past the vision of Cordy. "I've got to get out of here." I mumbled walking to the door.

"Angel….wait." She shouted as I walked away. I looked up to see if anyone else had heard her but no one was acting like anything happened and that confirmed to me that I had lost my mind.

On the drive back to the office I ran over the events that had just transpired. I have had hallucinations before but there was something quite different about what had just happened. She seemed so real and her touch…her touch was definitely real. If I concentrated real hard I could feel her soft hands on my cheek. Shaking these thoughts from my brain, I walked to my office, hoping to slip by without being noticed but no such luck.

"Hey boss. I didn't expect to see you back? Did someone die?" The ever so tactful Harmony said.

"No Harmony, no one died. I'm still taking the afternoon off. I'll be up in my penthouse and I don't want to be disturbed."

"But what if…"

"Harmony." I barked and she shrunk back into her chair.

I stormed into my office and if my day wasn't already bad enough seeing Spike sitting in my chair behind my desk was the icing on the cake.

"Spike what the hell are you doing?" He spun around, stretched his legs out in front of him and placed his feet on my desk.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He asked.

"It's my office. I don't need a reason to be here." I snarled as I walked over to my desk and pushed his feet off.

"If you would give me my own office then I wouldn't need yours."

"Asshole." I muttered. "Do you have a specific reason for being here or are you just trying to piss me off?"

"You actually weren't supposed to be here so the pissing you off is a bonus."

"Spike." I growled. He was pissing me off.

"I heard that you were gone for the day and someone needed to be here to sit in the big black leather chair pretending that they are fighting evil and since you weren't here I decided it should be me and I must admit that I look better in it then you do." He smirked.

"Get out."

"Come one mate."

"GET OUT." I shouted as I grabbed him by the arm and shoved him out the door quite hard. He landed with a groan against the wall. "Harmony, if Spike comes in my office again when I'm not here you are fired." I yelled and slammed the door.

Once Spike was gone I ventured upstairs to my big, giant, empty penthouse. I jumped in the shower, trying to clear my muddled mind but it didn't work. When I stepped out of the shower I was just as confused as when I stepped in. After dressing, I went to my kitchen for some blood.

"I don't appreciate you walking out on me like that." I began choking on blood when I heard her voice. "It is my birthday after all."

"God Dammit Cordelia." I muttered as I looked at the blood that I had spit out on my new shirt. "You made me ruin my shirt." It suddenly occurred to me that I was talking to my hallucination. "Oh my God. I have truly lost it."

"Angel would you please calm the hell down and let me explain what the hell is going on?"

"I must be dreaming." The hallucination walked over to him and before he had time to react she slapped him hard upside the head and pinched his arm just as hard.

"Son of a bitch." I muttered rubbing my head and then my arm. "Why the hell did you do that?"

"To prove that you are not sleeping dumbass."

"You are supposed to pinch yourself to prove that you aren't dreaming because the other person in the dream could do it during the dream." I argued. I couldn't believe I was actually arguing with a figment of my imagination.

"Fine. Pinch yourself then." She snapped and I automatically did so, proving that I wasn't asleep. "Believe me now?" She asked placing her hands on her hips while glaring at me. I nodded dumbly.

"How is this possible? I don't understand. You can't be in a coma and standing here talking to me."

"Come on. Let's talk." She grabbed my hand and led me over to the couch. "Angel, you know better than anyone that the impossible is possible. You're a vampire with a soul who helps, not hurt people. Your girlfriend sent you to hell, a place that you should still be. You dusted your sire and she was brought back to life. Darla got pregnant with your child. Connor should be only two years old but he is a grown man. All of those things should have been impossible but they happened."

"So it should be impossible that you are standing here and in a coma at the same time but it was made possible." She nodded. "Why?"

"The Powers owed us one and here I am."

"Why this…?" I motioned to her standing in front of me. "Instead of just waking you up?"

"Because this way we can have something that we wouldn't be able to have if I were alive."

"Huh?" I was thoroughly confused.

"It all goes back to the night that we never met." I nodded. It was the night that our lives were changed forever. "The Powers didn't see my ascension coming. In fact they had no idea it was happening until it was too late. They were slacking on the job."

"You can say that again." I muttered.

"Do you ever think about what would have happened if we would have connected that night?"

"Every day." I replied softly. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I think that you know but before I tell you there are some things that I need to clear up, things that you have to know."

"Cordy you don't have too." I didn't like to remember the last year of her conscious life when she was evil.

"Yes I do Angel." Tears filled her eyes. "Everything that happened last year, I need you to know that it wasn't me. I would have never done the things that I did. You guys are my family and I would never ever want to hurt anyone and the fact that I did kills me. The worst thing about this whole situation is how badly I hurt you and Connor. Connor trusted me and I used and hurt him and when you saw us together, I know how much I hurt you too. I can never forgive myself and I know that I don't deserve your forgiveness." A few tears escaped her eyes and fell down her cheeks. I felt so bad for her. I reached over and gently wiped them away.

"Cor, it wasn't you. We all know that now. There is nothing to forgive. It's in the past and we can't change what happened. We can only move forward."

"But Connor, I destroyed him." She sniffed.

"You're right. Connor's life was destroyed, but it wasn't only you that had a part in it. In his eyes, I took you away from him; I took Jasmine away from him. Everything that he trusted and believed in was proven false or taken away from him. He lost faith in life and in me, his father and he wanted to die and that's why I took over Wolfram and Hart, to give him what he needed, a family, a childhood, a future without me." I said softly. It still hurt when I thought about losing my son. "As much as it hurts, he is a normal, happy kid now and that's all that matters to me. He has no memory of what happened between the thing that was pretending to be our friend and himself. As far as Connor is concerned, it never happened."

"What about as far as you're concerned?" I reached out and took her hand.

"When the Shaman was bringing back Angelus, I sort of had a fantasy where we didn't have to bring him back and we discovered a sword and Connor and I killed the beast. In my fantasy you, Wes, Connor and I had to retrieve the sword and of course we almost died. You apologized for what happened with Connor and begged for forgiveness and I told you that I didn't care what happened in your past and I still feel that way Cordelia. I know that it wasn't you and as far as I'm concerned, it never happened." She threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly and I relished in the feeling of having her back in my arms again but all too soon she pulled away. "So now that we have that all cleared up, are you going to tell me why you are here?"

"The night that our lives went to hell I wanted to meet with you to discuss some feelings that I was having for you. The Powers wanted us to have that meeting, they were pushing for it because after everything that we had been through they thought that we finally deserved some happiness so they sent me back in a way so we might have a second chance at what could have been."

"How long will you be here?"

"Until my human body dies." She whispered. I pulled my hand away from hers, stood up and began to pace. I wanted to be with her more than anything but a short time wouldn't be enough. Once I got a taste of a life with Cordelia, I know that I wouldn't want to give it up.

"Cordy…I can't do this." I mumbled and she looked crestfallen.

"I understand. After everything that happened I can't blame you."

"That's not the reason. I told you that none of that mattered to me."

"Then what is the reason?"

"I can't lose you. It would hurt too much to have you and then lose you." My god, hearing those words come out of my mouth made me sound like a selfish bastard.

"But isn't a little something better than no something?"

"Cordy." I groaned and she walked up to me and took my hands in hers, forcing me to look her in the eye.

"That night I wanted to tell you that I was in love with you. I think that I have been in love with you for a very long time and I still am. If I would have told you how I felt that night, what would you have done?"

"I would have told you that I felt the same way."

"Would you have acted on those feelings that night? Would you have pursued a romantic relationship with me?" I nodded. "Angel what's the difference between now and then? My human body could die tomorrow. A year ago we could have started a relationship and the next day I could have been killed by a vamp. You were willing to take a chance then so why not now?" Damn, that woman has a good point.

"Maybe because I know what the future holds. I know that you are going to die."

"You're right Angel. I am going to die. I was going to die one day anyway, you knew that, so what is so different?"

"Everything." I answered lamely. "You for one, you aren't real." She walked over to me and kissed me gently.

"Does that feel real?"

"Very real." I mumbled. I wanted to take her in my arms and continue that kiss.

"So that problem is solved what other issues do you have?"

"Why didn't you come to me sooner?"

"I couldn't come to you until you came to see me." I mentally kicked myself for not going sooner. "Next?"

"Are you going to stay for just occasionally drop in?"

"I'm staying as long as you want me to. Next?"

"Can our friends see you?"

"No, only you can."

"So if someone happens to walk in on me while I am talking, hugging or kissing you, I will just look like an ass."

"No, if we happen to be having a conversation or touching and someone happens to walk in, you will appear to be sleeping to them."

"Am I sleeping Cordelia?" She ran her hand up my arm to my face gently touching it.

"Do you feel asleep Angel?" I shook my head. I have never felt more awake before.

"What will this be? What will we be?"

"That's the beauty of this. We can be whatever we want. I can be your connection to the PTB. I can help you stay on the non-evil path. We can be friends, lovers, or just friends with benefits. We can have a romantic relationship or continue or friendship. This can be whatever we want. What do you want Angel?"

"You, in my life, in my arms, in my bed." I said huskily.

"Then that's what we can have." She said simply.

"My curse." I blurted.

"That's one reason why I am here like this. Because in this form I'm not technically human, I actually don't know what I am but anyway, in this form if you would achieve that moment of perfect happiness with me, which I highly doubt because perfect happiness is almost impossible to find and you found it once with Buffy so it probably won't happen again…where was I?" I grinned at her.

"Why my curse isn't a problem."

"Oh yeah, because I'm not human perfect happiness could not occur. Kinda a safety precaution."

"We will definitely need it."

"No, probably not."

"Remember my fantasy?" She nodded. "We made love in that fantasy and Angelus came forth. I believe that I can find perfect happiness with you Cordelia Chase." I took a step closer to her.

"If you say so." She took a step closer to me.

"I say so." I took yet another step towards her and we were now standing in front of each other.

"Let's start from the beginning, like we were going to do that night.

"Let's do it." She took a deep breath and took my hands into her soft ones.

"Angel you are my best friend. You have been my best friend for years and I can't imagine my life without you in it. I am in love with you Angel." She said staring right into my eyes.

"Cordy you are my best friend too and these six months that you have been gone have been the worst of my life. I had to force myself to get out of bed everyday because I didn't want to face a day without you in it. I too, am in love with you Cordelia Chase." Her classic 100-watt smile that I have grown to love came across her beautiful face.

I placed my hand under her chin and lifted her face to mine. I heard her breath hitch as I leaned forward. Our eyes closed together the second our lips met. I pushed all of the thoughts of how wrong this was, how impossible this was, how I could quite easily be kissing a figment of my imagination or how I probably lost my mind. The only thing that I could think of was how perfect her lips on mine felt, how incredibly perfect she felt in my arms, how I didn't want to be anywhere else but right here in my living room kissing the woman that I loved more than anything.

**Well what did you think? A little crazy but fun right? Send me a review with your thoughts. They are really appreciated. **


	2. Chapter 2

**I own none of the characters of Angel**

Her lips eagerly responded to mine. Her tongue gently probed my mouth for entrance and I couldn't deny her. As soon as I opened my mouth she pushed her tongue inside and gently began exploring every crevice. Oh my God, this was better than I had remembered. We kissed before at the ballet but this time it was different, probably because this time its us kissing as ourselves not as some ancient lovers in an ill fated love affair. I couldn't let her have all of the fun so I pushed my tongue inside her mouth and groaned. I couldn't help myself, it just felt so…right. My tongue sought out and found the incredible softness that I always imagined I would find. I heard her moan into my mouth and that just made me increase the intensity of my kiss. I didn't even realized that she had unbuttoned my shirt until I felt her delicate fingers running up and down my bare chest and suddenly the realization of what was happening came crashing into my brain and I quickly pulled away from the beautiful woman in front of me.

"Angel?" She looked at me with swollen lips and eyes laden with desire. I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts and I walked away from her.

"This…this…isn't right." I couldn't get over the fact that she shouldn't be standing here out of my mind. She is in a coma in a hospital. Not standing here in front of me wanting to make love. She sighed irritability.

"I've done all that I can do to convince you that this is a real opportunity for us to have a chance at what could have been. I can only explain to you as much as I understand. Take some time to think about everything that I have told you today. If and when you are ready to see me again, I'll know it and I'll be back. If that never happens just remember that I love you so very much." I reached up to wipe away the tears that were falling but before I could touch her cheek she disappeared.

This is just too damn weird. She's here. She's not here. She's a ghost. She's not a ghost. I was so fucking confused. Maybe I just wanted her to be here, wanted to make love to her so damn bad that I imagined that I could see her, smell her, and touch her. Even though she was gone her perfume still lingered in the hair, my lips still tingled from our kiss and I could still feel her hands on my chest. I strode angrily around my room rebuttoning my shirt. I am not usually confused person and right now I am very confused and I don't like it one bit. I want her to be here in my life, in my bed but my mind was telling me that it was impossible.

As I paced around my penthouse I tried to convince myself that this was real but it wasn't working. Cordy was right. For years I have encountered ghosts, people who have been raised from the dead, people who should have died hundreds of years ago that didn't. Buffy had died and been resurrected. Hell, I was killed again, sent to hell and then sent back from hell so it was very possible that if The Powers wanted to bring Cordy back then they could do it.

"That's it." I said out loud. I can't believe that it took me so long to think of this. I needed to talk to the condawhent, my link to The Powers.

--

"Lower being why are you here?"

"I think that Cordelia has come back to me."

"That is correct."

"Well gee thanks that was helpful." I muttered.

"Then what answers do you seek?"

"Is it real, is she real?"

"Yes she is real."

"A real what? Ghost, figment of my imagination?"

"Vampire, you are so frustrating. Why can't you see what has been given to you?"

"I can see. I just don't know what I am seeing." I snapped. Their cryptic answers were not doing any good for my patience level.

"Why is what she is such an issue for you?"

"I'm afraid I'm losing my mind."

"You are not losing your mind."

"Again, not helpful. According to Cordelia The Powers are giving us a second chance to be together but how can I be with a ghost?"

"The Powers That Be are very powerful."

"Tell me something I don't know."

"As you wish. The ghost that you are referring to is lying on the hospital bed. The woman that you are seeing is the human form of The Seer."

"Then why didn't she tell me that?" That woman could be so frustrating.

"She doesn't know. She was only given a very limited amount of information."

"She said that we could make love and not risk my curse but how can that be if she is human? Do The Powers know that she is not my perfect happiness?" I truly believed that she is and if I find out that she wasn't…I just didn't want, couldn't think about that.

"The Powers That Be believe that Cordelia is your perfect happiness."

"Then how can we…?"

"Because obviously she is not fully human. To be able to make this transformation part of her humanness had to remain intact. The form of Cordelia that you can see has retained 90% of the humanness that she was before and therefore because she isn't 100% human the curse is null and void." I was silent. I finally had all of the answers that I needed. I could be with the practically human version of the woman that I loved. "Have we answered all of your questions lower being?"

"How can I find her again?" I was panicking. She left and I could have very possibly lost the one chance that I had with her.

"She will find you."

"Thank you." I whispered.

--

I had been back in my penthouse for over an hour and she hadn't returned. I was pacing back and forth between my bedroom and living room convinced that she was never coming back. I remembered that when I moved in and I was searching through cupboards and drawers because I was bored and I found some candles. I quickly found them and set a few of them up around my bedroom and lit them.

"Okay, I'm am idiot." I muttered as I looked around the room. I found my candle snuffer, yeah I know a candle snuffer but I can't breathe so I can't blow candles out, I had the snuffer right above the flame when I heard her voice.

"I wouldn't do that do that if I were you." I slowly turned around, snuffer in hand, and smiled.

"Why not?"

"Because I like it." I tossed the snuffer aside and walked over to her.

"Did you get the answers you were looking for?"

"I did." I reached out, pulled her to me and began to kiss her. She wrapped her arms around my neck, running her fingers through my hair as she returned my kiss. I have no idea how long we were kissing before she finally broke for air. I gently pushed her away from me so I could look into her beautiful brown eyes.

"I love you Cordelia Chase."

"I know." Never taking my eyes away from hers I unbuttoned and removed my shirt. When my shirt was on the floor she lifted her shirt above her head and it quickly joined my shirt on floor. We both quickly discarded our pants. I couldn't get over how beautiful she was as my eyes traveled hungrily over her gorgeous body.

"Quit staring at me. You're making me nervous." She whispered shyly.

"I can't help myself. You are so beautiful." I swear to God, Cordelia Chase blushed. I grinned as her eyes traveled down below my waist, my erection quite obvious.

"You're not so bad yourself." This time it was her that initiated the kiss. As soon as she pressed her bra covered breasts to my bare chest I almost came in my boxer shorts. I placed my hands on near naked hips, lifted her into the air and in one swift moment she wrapped her legs tightly around my waist. Never breaking our kiss I carried her to my bed and tumbled onto it, both of us laughing.

"I can't believe that we are finally here." She whispered softly

"I've wanted this, to be inside of you for so long." I said huskily as my hands snaked around her back to unhook her bra.

"How long?" She asked coyly.

"I can't pinpoint the exact moment when I fell in love with you but I can tell you when I realized that I was." I removed her bra and gazed appreciatively at her beautiful breasts until she slapped me upside my head, forcing me to look at her.

"When was that?" She batted her eyelashes at me.

"When Lilah sent you those visions and I saw how much pain you were in and how scared you were I knew that I was very much in love with you."

"You haven't told me how long you have wanted to be inside of me." She trailed a lazy finger down my chest.

"Since the ballet. We were so close." I groaned as her hand slipped under my boxers. "Like right now."

"That night I wanted you to be inside of me too but Gru came back and I…" I didn't want to be thinking about Gru before making love to her.

"Cor no more talking." To make sure she didn't I placed my mouth over hers for a quick kiss. "Understand?" I asked when I pulled away and she nodded. "Very good."

I began to place soft kisses on her jaw line, over to her earlobe where I nibbled on it, causing her to giggle. From her earlobe I moved to her neck softly nipping my way down her neck, the occasional soft moans coming from her mouth encouraged me on my journey. I ran my tongue over her collarbone causing her to shiver. I then let my tongue trail to her beautiful breasts; the breasts that I have wanted to touch, lick and kiss for so long. While licking one breast I took her nipple from her other breast and gently rolled it between my thumb and forefinger. It felt like I had always imagined, just perfect. I took my sweet time savoring the taste and feel of her breasts. "Mmmm." She mumbled when I tore my mouth away and continued my travels to her perfectly flat belly, darting my tongue in and out of her belly button. She was beginning to squirm beneath me and I loved it so I set out to make her squirm some more, a lot more. I slipped two fingers under the waistband of her underwear and I grinned when I heard her sharp intake of breath.

"Cordy…so hot and wet for me." I mumbled as my fingers gently caressed her swollen folds and she groaned. She whimpered when I pulled away from her. "All in good time my love. All in good time."

"Bastard." She muttered. I lifted her hips off the bed and slid her underwear off of her body. I placed soft kisses on her thighs coming very close to her core then backing away really causing her to squirm. "Angel…please." She begged.

"Okay fine." I gave in because I really wanted to taste her. Sitting on my knees I lifted her legs and placed them on my shoulders, lifting her ass off of the bed. I heard her giggle as I lowered my face to her center. I easily found her already engorged clit and I gently began to suck it. I grinned when I heard her groan. While I sucked her clit I reinserted my two fingers back inside of her and she really began to squirm. Her heat and wetness welcomed me. I curled them inside of her and she began panting.

"You like this baby?" I asked lifting my head.

"I…I…hell yeah."

"Do you want more."

"Hell yes." I slipped my tongue inside her and relished in her sweet juices. She tasted better then I had ever thought possible and believe me, I have imagined my mouth on her many times. "Angel." She moaned as I darted my tongue in and out of her lapping up her sweetness. She wrapped her legs around my neck and arched her back forcing my tongue to go deeper inside. Within minutes her gentle running of her fingers became more urgent and she was pushing my face into her. I knew she was getting close so I increased the movement of my tongue and a few seconds later her body was spasming and she was screaming my name. When her trembling ceased I slowly placed her legs back on the bed and crawled back up to her face so I could kiss her.

"Wow." She whispered breathlessly "That was amazing."

"Glad that you enjoyed yourself."

"Now it's your turn." She pulled herself up. "Angel, you still have on way too many clothes. I suggest you take care of that right away." Grinning at her and imaging what was coming, besides me, I lifted my hips and quickly removed my boxers. I saw her eyes widen when they fell on to my erection.

"Well, well, well, I always knew that you would be big but… damn." She said as she slid down the bed beside me. I almost jumped off the off the bed when she ran her fingernail up my shaft. She looked up at me with a wicked smile. "Easy there big guy." I was at her mercy as my penis twitched in anticipation. I watched as she bent forward and placed a soft, gentle kiss on my tip. I heard myself groan out her name as the kisses moved from the tip down and her fingers cupped and kneaded my balls. I felt like a kid getting my first blowjob, she hadn't even put her mouth on me and I felt like I could come at any second. To control myself I clutched at the sheets beside me as her kisses went back up my shaft. The next thing I knew she was taking me, all of me in her mouth. I felt as she puffed some air into her cheeks and she began slowly and deliberately suck me.

"Dear God woman you're going to kill me." I groaned as her teeth scraped against me. The things that she was doing with her mouth were blowing my mind. I felt my balls beginning to tighten and I knew that I was close and I began to panic. I didn't know if she would swallow of if she preferred not to. I felt like such an ass. She must have sensed that I was about to explode in her mouth because she pulled away from me with a "pop". She then kissed her way back up my body, her tongue lingering a few seconds longer at my nipples. I was beginning to become impatient. I had to taste her lips again so I reached up under her arms and pulled her up to my face and hungrily pressed my lips to hers. There was no gentleness about this kiss; it was just full of raw need. Never breaking contact I easily flipped our positions and she was on her back and I was on top. In one easy movement I had her legs spread and I was pushing myself into her. She gasped and I groaned as I filled her. Being inside of her felt absolutely perfect and I could of just stayed perfectly still, savoring the feeling of her walls around me but my body had other ideas. I slowly began to thrust myself inside of her and she wrapped her legs around my waist, pushing me deeper inside of her. I pumped slowly, wanting to make this last as long as I could. Whenever I felt her walls beginning to clutch around me, I pulled out and just focused on kissing her mouth until her body relaxed and then I plunged back into her.

"Angel…don't." She begged as I began to withdraw again.

"Are you ready to come baby?" I grunted.

"Oh God yes." She panted and I had to smile. I began to frantically move within her. Sweat was pouring off of both of our bodies and her breathing had become labored.

"Open your eyes Cordy. I want to see you when you come." She did as I asked and I saw that they were filled with love and desire. As soon as her eyes focused on mine she lost all control and her body began to convulse and she was screaming in passion. When my orgasm hit me it came hard and fast. I don't ever remembering having such a powerful orgasm before. I had no control over my body as I slammed into her, screaming her name into the dark room and then I collapsed on top of her. When I regained motor function I slowly pulled out and lay beside the woman of my dreams. She automatically curled up next to me, laying her head on my chest and her arm around my waist. I easily snaked my arm around her shoulders, pulling her as close to me as possible.

"I always knew making love to you would be amazing but this exceeded every expectation that I had." She whispered softly.

"When we made love in my fantasy it was amazing but this was better than I ever imagined and trust me when I say I have imagined this a thousand times and I'm not evil." She lifted her head up and placed her lips on mine for a soft sweet kiss.

"Everything that I had done in my life, good and bad has led me to this moment laying pleasantly spent in your arms and if I could I wouldn't change one thing because right here, right now made everything that I had been through worth it."

"I couldn't have said it better myself." I said as I kissed the top of her head.

"I love you Angel." I felt a few tears hitting my chest.

"Why are you crying?"

"Because you have made me so happy. I never thought that I could be this happy."

"You've made me just as happy Cordelia." She sniffed and snuggled closer to me. Still holding her I sat up, grabbed the blankets and covered us up. "Sleep now sweetheart."

"You too." I closed my eyes and that night, being wrapped in her arms I had one of the best night of sleep then I had in over a year.

--

I was lying in bed looking out the window watching the sunrise with Cordy in my arms. I loved the glass that Wolfram and Hart installed in the building, I have missed watching sunrises and sunsets and this morning, with Cordy in my arms this mornings sunrise was more spectacular then normal. She sighed and snuggled closer to me, pushing her butt into my abdomen. The second her butt touched my body I started to get hard for her and because somehow during the night we ended up spooning I had a great advantage. I placed soft kisses on her neck and I began running my hand over her breasts.

"Angel." I heard her mumble sleepily. She tried to roll over but I held her tight.

"Stay put." I whispered in her ear.

"But Angel…"

"Shhh. Just work with me." I let my fingers trail down to her center and I found her already soaking wet with desire. "So wet so early Cordy." I mumbled as I slipped to fingers inside of her. She moaned as I worked my fingers inside of her. When I slowly pulled them out she whimpered. I gently grabbed and lifted her leg and placed it behind me. I was so glad that she was so flexible. Before she could react I slipped inside of her. As I slowly thrust myself inside of her she reached behind her, snaking her arm around my neck, pulling me to her face so we could kiss. Occasionally we had to break apart so she could breathe but we continued to kiss until both of are bodies were rocking with orgasms.

"Talk about good morning." She said.

"Very good morning." I agreed pulling out of her and collapsing next to her.

"You are a phenomenal lover Angel."

"You're not so bad yourself." She responded with a resounding smack on my chest. "Oww."

"Not so bad? Did you just seriously say that I wasn't so bad?" I started laughing. I reached out and pulled her on top of me.

"You baby are the best I've ever been with."

"Damn right buster." Grinning I reached behind her and pulled her down to my face.

"Angel." I thought that I heard someone calling my name but I ignored it. "Angel." No, this wasn't happening. "ANGEL." Cordy and I reluctantly pulled away from each other.

"I think that we have company."

"No shit Sherlock." Cordy sat up in bed.

"Who the hell is that bitch?" She hissed as she looked at our visitor.

"Eve." I growled.

**So how will Angel deal with his normal day-to-day routine with a very opinionated ghost/human tagging along? Stay tuned to find out. Please, please, please leave me a review with your thoughts. **


	3. Chapter 3

**I own none of the characters of Angel**

"Eve, how the hell did you get into my apartment?" I growled. I really hated that woman.

"The door was unlocked." She said as her eyes took in my rumpled blankets. I raised my eyebrows because I knew damn well I had locked the door. "Well it was after I used my key to unlock it." I threw the blankets off and stormed over to her holding my hand out for the key.

"Angel you're naked." Cordy shrieked and I ignored her.

"I see that you have been reliving some tension."

"You've got to be kidding me." Cordy quipped.

"I would have been more than happy to help you out with that like I did before."

"You slept with her?"

"What the hell do you want Eve?"

"You missed out eight o'clock meeting."

"Shit, I forgot."

"I can see that you were otherwise occupied." Her eyes traveled below my waist.

"Get out. I'll shower and be down shortly." She turned and began to walk away. "If you ever walk into my apartment again I will kill you."

"Whatever you say boss."

"Who's the tramp?"

"My liaison to the senior partners." I answered walking past her to my bathroom to the shower.

"You slept with her? Jesus Angel, I thought that you had taste." I stepped into the shower.

"Lorne told us to."

"If Lorne told you to screw Wesley would you do it?" Her voice rose over the shower.

"Probably if I was under a spell."

"Huh?" Rendering Cordy speechless was always a challenge and I loved it when I was able to make it happen.

"Lorne had his sleep removed and because he is an empath demon it manifested itself and we all did whatever he told us to. He told Eve and I to get a room and we did. He told Fred and Wes to get drunk and they did without the benefit of alcohol. He told Gunn to mark his territory and he went around pissing all over the office."

"Gunn pissed all over the office, I would have paid to see that."

"Yeah, Cor it was real funny." I muttered.

"My God, I go into a coma and loose your sense of humor…oh wait you never had one."

"Hey I am a funny guy." I defended.

"Oh pu-lease. You were never funny." I turned off the shower, grabbed a towel and stepped out of the shower then stood there in shock when I saw Cordelia sitting on the toilet. She was in fresh clothes, hair and makeup done.

"What the hell? How did you?"

"Magic." She answered

"This is still all so unbelievable." I walked over to her, wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her towards me. "You are unbelievable." I pressed my lips to hers

"Angel you're soaking wet and naked. If you don't get some clothes on you won't make your meeting until noon." I laughed and reluctantly pulled myself away from her so I could get dressed. Ten minutes later we were exiting the elevator.

"Now remember, if you speak to me directly you will suddenly fall asleep and look like an ass. If you need to talk to me don't look directly at me. Just speak into the room."

"Yeah, Yeah. Yeah. Whatever."

"Don't you whatever me." She snapped and I grinned.

"Morning boss." Harmony greeted.

"Oh my God, Harmony is your secretary. What the hell? She tried to kill us and know she brings your coffee."

"Later." I mumbled

"What boss?"

"Never mind."

"Everyone is in your office waiting for you."

"Do you have my blood?" She placed a mug in front of me. I grabbed it and headed into my office.

"It's about time Captain Forehead." Spike commented as soon as I walked in.

"SPIKE!" Cordy shrieked in my ear causing me to flinch.

"Angel, are you okay?"

"Yeah, Wesley, I'm fine." He was staring intently at me. Wesley was never easily fooled. He knew something was up with me. "Can we start this meeting please?"

"Oh my God. What the hell is doing sitting in your office like he belongs? Why aren't you killing him? Last time he was in town he had you tortured and almost killed. What the hell has happened since I fell unconscious? First Harmony and now Spike, this is unbelievable. What's next? Dinner with the devil." As if on a cue a demon with two horns and a devil that looked remarkably like the devil walked into my office. "Are you fucking kidding me? Angel what has happened to you? You have really fell off the wagon. Look at the people you are doing business with. I thought that you were helping the helpless. These bastards are not helpless. In fact they are the main cause that people become helpless." She was rambling on and on and on and I was desperately trying to tune her out. Fifteen minutes later she still hadn't stopped yelling at me and I was losing my mind.

"Would you please stop?" I begged into the open room hoping that she would get the hint.

"Stop what?" Fred asked. Great, I wasn't as slick as I had hoped that I was.

"Spike, he's giving me weird looks." It's always easy to blame Spike.

"I am not you pounce."

"Can we just finish the meeting please."

"Angel are you sure that you are okay?" Wesley asked me again.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired. Now where were we?" Thankfully Cordy got the hint because she stopped ranting but I knew that I haven't even begun to hear about how badly I am screwing up in her eyes.

As we continued the meeting it took every bit of self-control not to burst out laughing as she went around the room examining all of her friends with a critical eye.

"There is something different about Fred. She seems happier. Is she happy Angel?" I casually nodded. "She in love with Wesley." I had just taken a sip of blood and I started to choke.

"Blood went down the wrong tube." I muttered before anyone could ask me again if I was all right.

"I wasn't trying to be funny Angel. I can see it all over her face every time she looks at him and believe me I know that look because I have it every time I look at you." She then moved to Wesley. "Yep, he's got it just as bad. I'm surprised that he isn't drooling right now. They both need to get their head out of their asses and admit it too each other because we both know how quickly it can all be taken away."

I was no longer paying any attention to my meeting. I was listening to Cordy, When she said everything could be taken away I know she was talking about us. Our relationship was over before it even began. I still got heartsick every time I thought how close we came to having everything we had ever wanted but never getting it.

"Holy Shit. Gunn's got hair. He looks so cute and what the hell is up with the suit he is wearing. He looks like an actual grown up and I never realize how handsome he is." She runs a light finger over his head and heads over to Lorne. "I have never seen him so happy. He's got this crazy smile on his face like if he did tomorrow he would die a happy man. Well at least Evil Incorporated made one person happy. The rest of you sorry hero's look miserable. Fred and Wes are miserable because they aren't with each other, a problem that can actually be fixed. Now I can't quit figure out why Gunn is so miserable. When did he learn so much about the law?" She sighed and wiped a few solitary tears away. "I wish that they could see me so I can their lives and make them happy again. These people aren't the family that I remember. We all used to be so damn happy and now everyone is just existing. This isn't how it was supposed to be. We all fought the good fight and we all deserved so much more then…" She waved her arm around the room. "This bureaucratic bullshit."

I had tuned everyone and everything but Cordelia out right now. I could see that she was hurting for her friends, hurting that she couldn't help them. I had known for months now that everyone was miserable, I just didn't want to admit it. If I were to actually be honest with myself, I actually didn't want to admit that I failed my friends. It was my decision to come here and they are all suffering because of a choice that I had made. I felt her soft hands on my shoulder, gentle massaging them.

"And you" She said, her breath hot against my ear. "Are the most miserable of the group." I felt her lips on my earlobe nibbling.

"That's it I'm done." I stood abruptly ending the meeting.

"But Angel the meeting isn't done." Gunn said.

"Look I didn't get a lot of sleep last night and I can't concentrate. Go ahead do whatever you need to do and give me the information tomorrow." I walked to my private elevator without a backwards glance at my friends.

I was really hoping that Cordy would have followed me to the elevator but she didn't. Maybe it was better that she didn't. I needed some time alone to figure out how to fix this royal screw up. One stupid decision ruined the lives of my best friends.

"You okay?" She was standing in my apartment.

"No Cordy, I'm not okay. The people that I love are miserable and you made sure that I knew it."

"Oh don't blame me Angel. You have known it for a while. You just haven't wanted to see it." She was right and it pissed me off. I turned around and slammed my fist into the wall. "ANGEL." She shouted and I ignored her and continued to pound my fist into the wall. "Knock it off Angel. The wall didn't do anything to you." I felt her hands around my arm but I couldn't stop. I drew my arm back rather roughly causing her to lose her grip and she went flying across the room.

"Oh God Cordy." I got to her side as she was pulling herself off of the floor.

"Owww. Son of a bitch." She mumbled as she ran her hand over her head.

"I am so sorry." I mumbled as I ran my fingers through her hair, looking for an injury.

"Quit touching me." She said as she tried to back away from me but I held tight but not too tight as to hurt her again. Once I was satisfied that she received no more than a slight bump on the head I released her.

"Cor I didn't mean to…I'm sorry."

"Asshole." She muttered, "What the hell has gotten into you?" She shouted. Instead of answering I went and sat heavily on my bed, putting my head in my hands. I felt her sit beside me.

"Did I hurt you?" I mumbled into my hands.

"No Angel you didn't hurt me. You could never hurt me."

"I could. I've hurt everyone else it's only a matter of time before I hurt you."

"I don't believe that and neither do you." She placed her hand on my back.

"When Lilah offered us Wolfram and Hart I immediately turned her down. I didn't want anything to do with this hellhole. Even though through the whole tour she kept throwing all of this great shit at me I continued to say no until I saw it."

"Saw what?"

"Connor. He was so screwed up after what had happened with Jasmine. He had taken a sporting goods store hostage. He had bombs attached to all of the costumers; he had a bomb attached to you. He was going to kill you. He was going to hurt and probably kill himself. He was so tormented. He didn't have a childhood. The short adulthood that he had was filled with hurt and lies and it was all because of me, because he had the unfortunate luck of having me as a father."

"Angel what happened to Connor was not your fault."

"It is Cordy. If I could have just saved him from Holtz then maybe none of this would have happened."

"You can't know that."

"I saw an opening Cor. I saw a chance to change his life, to give him a childhood, a family that he never had. He now has no memory of me. Holtz, you or Jasmine. He knows nothing about vampires or demons. As far as he is concerned he is a normal teenage boy with a family that loves him, something he never had with me."

"Angel…"

"Knowing what I know now, how miserable my friends are, how miserable I am I wouldn't change a damn thing." I admitted

"Of course you wouldn't Angel. No father would. I know that I'm also responsible for what happened to Connor. The other thing knew that he trusted it and me used that fact to get what it wanted. You did what you had to do for your child. Any parent would. Connor's happy now and that's what's important."

"I can't win. My son is happy but everyone else is miserable. I wish that you were really here. I wish that everyone could see you. I always screw everything up but you and you always fix things. You always make us feel better." Everything that I had been holding in for months came rushing to the surface in the form of tears.

"So do I." She took my head and gently placed it on her lap. I curled myself on the bed and she ran her fingers through my hair as I cried for all that was lost. I cried for Connor, I cried for Cordy. I cried for my friends lost happiness. A sudden knock at the door stopped my tears.

"Go away." I shouted.

"Angel, I need to talk to you." Wesley's voice came through the door.

"Please, Wes. I'm really not in the mood." I begged.

"I'm not leaving until I can see for myself that you are okay." Sighing I pulled myself off of the warm lap that I was lying in. I knew he wouldn't give up.

"How do I look?" I asked as I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. "Can you tell that I have been crying?"

"You're fine." I walked over and cracked the door open.

"See Wes, I'm fine." I knew that answer wouldn't satisfy him. He pushed the door open and walked in.

"You're not fine. You haven't been fine since you came home from seeing Cordelia. Did something happen?" Do I tell him that I am seeing her? Do I tell him that I made love to her last night? He would think that I have lost my damn mind.

"No nothing happened. It's just hard seeing her like that." I said.

"Are you sure? There seems to be more going on."

"I guess that seeing Cordy brought some of my inner demons to the surface."

"What can I do?"

"I'm dealing with them." Wesley stared at me trying to decide if I was telling the truth which I was. I was dealing with a demon who just happens to Cordy.

"We have reports of the location of the Himkak Demon. Maybe killing a demon will help you deal with your own demons. Are you in the mood?"

"Not really." I mumbled.

"Okay then." Wesley said.

"Angel get off your ass and go kill a demon. You cannot sit around in this room all damn day and mope." I looked at her. "I am not kidding. I will make your life hell if you don't do your damn job." I knew she meant it.

"Wait, Wes. I'm coming."

"Very good." Cordy and I followed Wesley out of my apartment.

Wesley was right. Killing the Himkak did elevate my mood from depressed and pissy to melancholy. It took long hours to kill him, but I felt energized when it was all done. He was a tough bastard to kill. He was small and fast; so fast that we wouldn't see him move. That fact alone made it hard to kill him. Cordy stood back and shouted out his position to me, which helped enormously. We may not have been able to kill him without her help. No one asked me how I was able to see him move when no one else could so I assumed that figured it had to do with my vampire senses. Before calling it a day I stopped to check in with Harmony.

"Here's Cordy's daily report." Harmony said.

"A daily report on me?" I felt her hovering and reading over my shoulder. "What does it say?" I skimmed over it and handed it back to Harmony.

"Just file it."

"Nina is waiting in your office for you." I closed my eyes. This may be awkward with Cordy here.

"Who is Nina?" Cordy asked and I sighed loudly.

"You told me that she could go in anytime." Harmony explained.

"I know what I said Harmony." I snapped.

"Be nice Angel." Cordy slapped my arm and I shot her a glare.

"I'll be in my office then my apartment if anything comes up."

"No problem boss." She responded as I walked away.

"Any chance that you won't follow me?" I mumbled quietly while staring at the floor.

"No chance in hell. I need to size up my competition."

"No one can compete with you." I whispered as I opened the door. Nina looked up and smiled.

"Hey Nina."

"Hey Angel." She walked over and gave me a hug. Now I was feeling uncomfortable.

"Blond, I should have known. First Darla, then Buffy and now Nina. All blonds." I quickly pulled away from her. "Maybe if I would have dyed my hair it wouldn't have taken us so long."

"Full moon huh?" Jesus, I could really be an idiot.

"Oh my God. Is this for real? A werewolf?" Cordy started giggling. "Ever hear of a normal human? Slayer, demon/seer and now a werewolf." Her giggling increased.

"Yeah. I'm here for the Wolfram and Hart bed and breakfast." I nodded and we both stood there awkwardly. "So what are you doing for breakfast tomorrow?"

"Eating." I answered without thinking. "Well…err actually drinking."

"Smooth Angel, real smooth. I wonder how the hell you ever got laid with all of that smooth talking."

"Oh okay." Nina glanced nervously at her watch. "The moon will be up. I should go." She turned and quickly walked out of my office. I sighed and began to follow her.

"Stay." I instructed Cordy as I reached the door.

"But…"

"Stay." I repeated. "I mean it Cordelia." I slammed the door behind me and jogged over to catch the elevator. "Nina wait."

"What?"

"Can I walk you to your suite?" She smiled and I stepped into the elevator.

"Look I'm sorry about the whole breakfast thing. I shouldn't have brought it up. It was really stupid." She quickly said.

"Nina, don't be sorry. I am glad that you asked. I'm flattered I really am." I smiled softly at her. Before Cordy came into the picture I had seriously considered dating Nina.

"It's because I'm a werewolf isn't." I laughed.

"No Nina, it's got nothing to do with that. I'm a vampire. I can't or don't judge. I just…well this isn't a very good time for me to date." She looked crestfallen so I figured that I owed her a little more than that lame ass excuse. "I'm in love with another woman Nina."

"Oh God, I'm sorry. I didn't know. No one told me you were dating anyone."

"Technically I'm not." Confusion sprang onto her face. "Her name is Cordelia. She is my best friend and she is in a coma. Before she went into her coma we admitted our feelings but it never went any farther then that but I still love her and I feel like if you and I were to get together then I would be cheating on her and I can't do that. Not yet anyway." The elevator door opened and she stepped into her cell. Before I closed the door she leaned forward and kissed my cheek.

"Cordelia is a lucky woman." She said softly. "If anything changes you know where to find me." She locked herself in her cell.

"Thanks Nina. I'll keep that in mind but hey if you're up for breakfast with a friend, I'm game."

"I'd like that."

After I left Nina I slowly headed back to my apartment where Cordy was waiting for me. She smiled her 100-watt smile when she saw me.

"Okay we've got to set some ground rules Cordelia."

"Rules what are we back in grade school?" She muttered.

"I'm serious Cor, I can't have you yelling at me when I'm trying to work. I can't have you kissing or touching me when everyone is around."

"So you just expect me to sit around and say nothing?" I gave her a look.

"I know that would be an impossible request. You don't know how to sit around and say nothing. If you have an opinion that is important to the subject matter then I want you share it."

"My opinion is always important." I couldn't help myself I smiled and kissed her lips.

"You're right sweetheart. Your opinion is always important but can you see my point?"

"Yeah I get it. I guess that I will just wait until we are alone to share my non important opinions."

"Thank you."

"Now it's my turn. You better explain to me why in the hell you are not only working with but letting Harmony and Spike live." I smiled and set next to her on the bed and gave her the whole background story on how Spike came to Wolfram and Hart and how Harmony became my secretary.

"Wow. Spike's gotta soul. Who woulda thought?"

"Besides being a giant pain in my ass I will admit only to you that he hasn't been totally useless on occasion." Cordy swung her leg over my thighs and pulled herself onto my lap, latching her fingers behind my neck.

"So what did you and Nina talk about?"

"I told her that I couldn't date her because I was in love with another woman."

"Oh really? Who is the lucky woman?" She purred into my ear.

"Some ditzy rich chick from Sunnydale."

"DITZY." She screeched and attempted to get away from me but I held her tight.

"It's one of the things that I love about you." I pulled her face to mine and kissed her.

The simple kiss turned hot and heavy fast. I flipped her on the bed and we quickly lost our clothes. This time the sex was fast and hard unlike the first time that was slow and passionate but still hot as hell.

"You know that I love you, don't you Angel." I was almost asleep after our lovemaking when she voiced that surprising question. I tightened my arm around her.

"Of course I do."

"I've been thinking." She was drawing lazy circles across my sweaty chest.

"About what?"

"When I'm gone, when I die I think you should pursue a relationship with Nina."

"Cordy."

"I want you to be happy Angel. I don't you moping around forever, which we both know is a possibility for you."

"Cor please I don't want to talk about this.

"I hate thinking of you with anyone but me but because I love you I want you to move on, be happy again but not perfectly happy."

"I'll never be happy with anyone but you." I was really squeezing her now.

"Maybe not perfectly happy but happy and I think that Nina could provide that for you. I saw the way she cares for you, the way she kissed your cheek. She would be good for you."

"How do you know that she kissed me?" She didn't respond. "Cordelia, you were watching."

"I couldn't help myself."

"Cordelia." She whipped her head up to look at me

"Hey that was before you gave me the rules." I chuckled. "I promise to follow all of your rules."

"You better." I leaned forward and kissed the tip of her nose.

"Now you promise me that when I die you will move on with Nina. I can rest easy knowing that you will be taken care of and happy."

"Cordy."

"Promise me Angel." I wouldn't say a word. "Do you want me to spend eternity miserable and worried about you?"

"No." I mumbled. "I want you to be happy."

"I'll be happy knowing that you're happy so promise me Angel.

"I promise." She smiled and kissed me hard on the lips.

"Thank you." I just glared at her. "I love you and I only want what's best for you."

"I know. I love you too."

**Hope you liked this really LONG chapter. Please send me a review with your thoughts**


	4. Chapter 4

**I own none of the characters of Angel.**

"I really should get to work." I groaned as Cordy placed gently kisses all over my chest.

"You're CEO of Hell Incorporated. You are entitled to be late on occasion." She said as she slid herself on top of my raging erection.

"Cor…" She smiled wickedly at me as I placed my hands on her gorgeous hips. "What are you in the mood for? Slow and tender or hard and fast?" I grunted to her as she began to move.

"Hard and fast baby." I tightened my grip on her hips and I lifted her slowly until the tip of my penis was right at her entrance and then I slammed her back down.

"Oh sweet Jesus." She yelled and I grinned. I continued to slam her against me and watched with pure desire as her breasts bounced with each thrust. It didn't take long until we both were yelling out in euphoric joy.

"How did I live for over two hundred years and not realized that sex could be this amazing?" I said as she collapsed on top of my chest while I was still inside of her.

"It's only this good because you're in love."

"Damn, I should have fallen in love with you sooner."

"Was the sex with Buffy this good?"

"Seriously Cor, do you really need to bring up past lovers at a time like this?"

"Yes." She said simply and I sighed. I lifted her off of me and we both sat up and I wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"Sex with Buffy was different. She was the first woman that I slept with after I got my soul. It was a new experience for me. Don't get me wrong; I had sex before I was turned. I had a lot of sex but it wasn't love sex. It was just sex. I needed a release and there were plenty of woman who were willing to help me release. Sex with Darla was about power, who was the strongest, who could be the leader. Now with Buffy, sex with her was different than anything that I had ever experienced before. I had never been in love and when we finally made love I had to be gentle because she was a virgin and of course we both know how that turned out because I then turned evil. But you Cor, it's so different, unlike anything that I had ever experienced before. I really can't explain it. All I can say is I can't imagine feeling like this with anyone else."

"You still didn't answer my question." She pouted.

"You got the only answer I'm willing to give." I kissed the tip of her nose. "I wish that this was real." Her dark eyes got darker with anger. "That's not what I meant Cordelia."

"Then what did you mean buster?"

"I just wish that part of you wasn't lying in that coma, that all of our friends could know how happy that we are, that I wouldn't have to constantly worry that any moment could be our last." She placed her arm behind my neck and pulled my head down to her face and kissed me softly until my phone started ringing. I reluctantly pulled away and answered it.

"What?" I growled.

"Hey boss everyone is wondering if you're coming to work today?" Cordy rolled her eyes.

"Yeah Harmony. I'll be down shortly."

"Okey dokey."

"She is your secretary?" Cordy said in disgust when I hung up.

"Stuff it Cor."

"I would never lower myself to say what I did at Angel Investigations was a secretary. I was the office manager with occasional secretarial duties who was damn good at my job."

"You were the best."

"But I'll be damned if I will or would have ever called you boss." I chuckled.

"If you did, I would think something was really wrong with you." I pulled myself out of bed and Cordy's arms and headed for my shower.

"But if you like, I can call you boss while we are in bed." This woman was unbelievable. She was just damn cute. I couldn't do anything but laugh.

I quickly showered and dressed for work. Like the day before she looked perfect when I stepped out of the shower.

"Are you coming with me today?"

"No, I'm going to go spy on my friends. I want to see how they spend their days."

"Stay out of trouble Cordelia." She wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Now what fun would that be?" I smiled and leaned down to kiss her. " Will you be home for dinner dear?" She asked with a smirk.

"Probably."

"Good, I'll have a nice warm cup of blood waiting for you next to the evening paper and while you are eating and reading I'll give you a nice massage to help relax you from your hard day." She was batting her eyes.

"You are so full of shit."

"Nothing is too good for my man." I rolled my eyes and she giggled. "Have a great day dear."

"You too." I slapped her ass and stepped into the elevator. I last thing I saw was her blowing kisses towards me.

--

"Angel where is Gunn?" Cordy had burst in my office and thankfully I was alone signing a tree's worth of papers.

"Did you check his office?" I asked not even looking up from my paperwork.

"I'm not an idiot. Of course I checked his office." She snapped.

"Then I don't know Cordy. It's not my day to baby sit."

"Arghhhhhhh." She picked up a book that was on my desk and threw it at my head. I ducked just in time.

"What the hell Cordelia?"

"You need to find Gunn now." She sounded panicked.

"What's wrong?" I asked

"I had a vision."

"What did you see? Is he okay?" I was on my feet in a second.

"I think so."

"You think so? I need more then I think so. What the hell did you see?" I hated when her visions involved one of my people.

"There are some forms…" She closed her eyes bringing her vision back to her. "I saw him signing these forms…custom forms…to get some item out of customs."

"Are you kidding Cordy? Gunn is a lawyer. He is always signing customs forms. The Powers that Be have pretty much abandoned me and when they finally decide to step up to the damn plate they send you vision about Gunn doing his job and signing some fucking papers. Nice, real nice." I shouted. I was furious.

"They haven't abandoned you. They sent me back, your connection to them to help you again so this vision must be important."

"Oh no, the world is going to end if Gunn signs another piece of paper." She shot me one of the worst glares that I had ever seen. I actually had goose bumps on my arms.

"I don't know for sure but I have a really bad feeling that if whatever gets through customs then something really bad will happen that will personally affect you and our friends." She walked over to me until she was about an inch away. "So get off your vampire ass and stop Gunn from signing any custom forms." She shouted and then disappeared. Sighing, I reached over and picked up my phone.

"Harmony, get Gunn in here." I barked into the phone. She called me back a couple minutes later.

"Boss Charles took the afternoon off."

"Then page him Harmony. Jesus do I have to do everything around here?" I snapped and disconnected the call. I waited ten minutes for Harmony to put him through and when she didn't I stormed out of my office.

"Has he called back?"

"No."

"Did you call his cell?" It was like a light bulb went off in that blonde head of hers. She picked up the phone and dialed.

"His voice mail picked up. Should I leave a message?" I grabbed the phone out of her hand.

"Gunn where the hell are you? Call me as soon as you get this message and for God's sake don't sign any custom forms." I tossed the phone back to Harmony and walked back into my office. "What Wesley?" He had walked in my office behind me.

"We found out how the Grestal demon."

"Grestal demon?" I asked. I had no recollection of a Grestal demon.

"Angel, the Grestal demon has been killing anything that walked past him in the park for three days now."

"Oh shit that's right. So how do we kill it?" Wesley started droning on about the best way to kill the Grestal but I tuned him out, something that was quickly becoming a bad habit.

"So you will agree to that?" Wesley asked.

"Yeah sure." I mumbled.

"Angel you just agreed to run throughout the building naked yelling that Wesley is stronger and better looking then you are." Cordy informed me when she suddenly reappeared.

"I'm sorry Wes, I wasn't listening,"

"That's been happening a lot lately.'

"Yeah, I know. I'm really listening now."

"Don't worry about it. I've sent a team to take care of it."

"Oh…okay."

"I'm concerned about you Angel. You haven't been acting like yourself. Can you please explain to me why you told Gunn not to sign some custom forms?"

"I can't."

"You can't? I thought that we were a team."

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"I'm your friend and I trust you."

"The why's don't matter Wesley. I just really need to find Gunn."

"It's too late." I heard Cordy say. "He's already signed to papers so whatever it is may very well be on it's way here."

"What the hell is it?" I asked with my eyes back on my paperwork.

"What is what?" Wesley asked.

"I have no damn clue." Cordy said at the same time.

"Sorry Wes, I was just questioning something on the paper here." If I wasn't so distracted I would have been able to stop Wesley before he grabbed the piece of paper off my desk.

"This is a portrait of Cordelia. What could you possibly be questioning?"

"You might as well tell him Angel. You are a horrible liar." Cordy said and I quickly stood up.

"I'll be right back Wes." I walked to the door hoping that Cordy was following me.

"Angel we need to talk about what's going on with you." Wesley said.

"I know and we will. There is something that I need to take of. Wait here and I will be right back." Wesley looked at me like he didn't believe that I would ever come back. "I swear, I will return." Knowing that Gunn was MIA I decided to use his office.

"Cor are you here?" I asked the empty office. "Dammit Cordelia I really need to talk to you." I snapped.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed." She told me as soon as she appeared.

"Quit patronizing me." She responded by sticking her tongue out at me. "I can't tell Wesley about you."

"Why not?"

"Because he'll think that I'm crazy."

"He's already thinking it bubba." I sighed irritably. "You don't give Wes enough credit. I think that he will believe you."

"You can't be sure."

"Have you forgotten who I am? I'm Cordelia. I'm never wrong."

"But…"

"No buts Angel. Man up and tell Wesley the truth." She walked over and placed her hand on my jaw. "I never realized how hard me being here would be for you, keeping this secret." Her eyes filled with tears. "I hate that you are hurting. I never wanted to hurt you."

"You haven't hurt me Cor." I linked my hand with the one that was resting on my chin.

"Please tell Wesley. You need to share this secret." She must have seen the hesitation in my face. "Please for this for me?" I was powerless to resist her request.

"Fine but if I'm admitted to a mental hospital you better spring me." I saw her eyes sparkle and I realized what a poor choice of words I had spoken.

"I promise that I will spring you." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed me quickly.

"Cor…" I groaned. That quick kiss left me wanting so much more.

"Don't want to spring you too soon." She winked at me then took my hand and led me back to my office where Wesley was still waiting. I slowly walked back to my desk and sat heavily on my chair and Wes and I stared at each other. "Tell him Angel." Cordy demanded.

"I need to tell you something." I began.

"Yes I believe that you do."

"But listen with an open mind. What I'm going to tell you will sound completely crazy, bordering on insane but it's the truth." Wesley nodded.

"Go ahead trust your friend." Cordy whispered in my ear.

"It's about Cordy."

"I figured as much. You have been acting strange since your visit with her."

"Cordy is here with me Wesley."

"Angel Cordy is lying unconscious in a hospital."

"It's not really her in the hospital."

"I know it's her. I've been to see her Angel, more times then you have been and speaking of visiting Cordy, why have you only been to visit her once?" Great, now I'm going to have to admit my coward ness in front of Cordy.

"I didn't want to see her like that, I wanted to remember her how she was; not lying unconscious in the hospital because I couldn't save her."

"Maybe it's your guilt over not being able to "save her" as you put it that is making you think that she is here with you. Angel, Cordelia's condition is not your fault. You cannot continue to blame yourself."

"He's right Angel. There was nothing you could have done to save me." She reaffirmed.

"I do feel guilty and I don't care what either of you say it's the truth and anyways my guilt isn't the reason that she is here. The Powers sent her back to get me back on track, to help me find my way again. Why do you think that I have been freaking out over Gunn signing some stupid ass custom forms? I could give a shit less about what papers Gunn's signs but Cordy was sent a vision about these papers. She's my link and The Powers sent her back so I could keep fighting."

"Angel you and Cordy were…are best friends. I think that you miss her so much that you are imagining that she has returned to you." I sighed. I knew he wouldn't believe me.

"I'm not imaging her presence. She is really here. I can see her, talk to her. I've touched her, kissed her. Wesley we've made love. She is not a figment of my imagination."

"If that's true what about your curse?"

"It doesn't apply because she's not totally human."

"Is she here right now?" I nodded. "Where is she?"

"Standing next to me on my right."

"I believe that you believe that she is here with you but you are experiencing a delusion of some sorts. A delusion that seems so real that…"

"It 's not a fucking delusion Wesley." I shouted. "Cordelia is here. She is really here."

"Calm down Angel."

"I told you this was a mistake." I said in the general direction of where Cordy was standing. "I told you that he wouldn't believe me."

"Wesley and I kissed when I was in high school." She said.

"You kissed him?" I turned to face Wesley. "You kissed Cordy?"

"I…uhhh…how did you know?"

"She just told me." He shook his head.

"She could have told you that anytime during your friendship." I threw my hands up in frustration.

"What else can I say to convince you that this is really happening?"

"I honestly don't know." I sadly placed my head in my hands. "I'm sorry Angel. I truly am. I wish that she really were here. I miss her too." I felt him place his hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry." He repeated.

"Wait." Cordy shouted. "Tell him to wait."

"Wesley wait."

"What is it?" He turned towards me, waiting.

"I don't know. Cordy wants you to wait." He rolled his eyes.

"Angel this is becoming ridiculous. You shouldn't be…Oh dear Lord." Wesley's eyes widened in surprise.

"What's wrong Wes?"

"Cordelia." He whispered.

"What about her?" I was so damn confused tight now.

"She's here, right beside you."

"You can see her?" He nodded. "He can see you?"

"The Powers decided that Wesley needed some visual proof so they made me visible to him for a few minutes."

"Cordelia." He repeated as he walked over to her and pulled her into his arms in a tight hug. "You're really here." He said when they broke apart.

"Yeah Wes, I am."

"Why?"

"Someone needed my help."

"How long are you here for?"

"Until she dies." I whispered sadly.

"When is that going to happen?" Wesley looked sadly at me.

"I don't know."

"So you got a vision about Gunn signing some custom forms? What's the story?"

"All I know is that by signing that form Gunn authorized something to be brought into L.A. I don't what it is or where it's going. What I do know is whatever it is it's going to cause some major problems for you guys." She explained

"End of the world, apocalypse problems?" He asked.

"I don't know."

"Well let's find Gunn and find out what the hell is going on."

"It's too late. The papers have already been signed." I told him.

"So what's the next step?"

"That's what we need to figure out." I said

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please, Please send me a review.**


	5. Chapter 5

**I own none of the characters of Angel. **

"I have to go." Cordy said softly and I whipped my head around to face her.

"No Cor, it's too soon." I whispered over the lump in my throat. "You can't leave me yet."

"I'm not dying yet dumbass. All I meant by that was I will no longer be visible to Wesley."

"Well you should have said that." I snapped as Cordy and Wesley embraced.

"Cordelia it is so good to see you again." She placed her hand on his jaw.

"It's nice to be seen by someone other than beefcake over here." She smiled as tears filled her eyes. "I'm not going to be able to say this because I'm not going to wake up so I want to tell you this now. Wesley it has been a pleasure knowing and working with you. You are one of the most honorable human beings that I know."

"Cordelia you have matured into a wonderfully selfless woman. I am a better man having known you. I'm just so sorry that your life ended up like this. You deserve so much better." Cordy wiped her tears away and they hugged again.

"One more thing before I go. I am so happy for you and Fred. It's been a long time coming. I wish you all of the happiness in the world." Cordy walked over and linked hands with me.

"I have always wished that for you. I'm just sorry that you didn't find it."

"I did Wesley. Granted it's a little unconventional but I found happiness with Angel." She squeezed my hand.

"It would have been nice to see you this happy while you were conscious."

"It doesn't matter since I have it now. Goodbye Wesley."

"Is she still here?" She must have disappeared from Wesley's sight because she was still standing next to me holding my hand.

"Yeah she is still here." Wesley shook his head in amazement.

"This is amazing. I can't believe that this is happening to you. I was able to feel her when she was hugging me and you can feel her like that all of the time?"

"It's just like she never left."

"You mentioned that you two have made love. Have you really done it?" I nodded. "Is it as good you thought it would be?"

"Oh my God Wes, it's better than I ever thought it could be. She is an amazing lover. The things that she can do…" A nice hard slap came across my head. "Owww."

"I'm right here." She snapped.

"Sorry." I looked at Wes. "She doesn't appreciate me talking about our sex life with you."

"Maybe another time." Wes said with a smirk.

"Sure thing." Wrong words to say because she slapped me again upside my head as soon as they were out of my mouth. "Oww. Dammit Cordy." I heard Wesley snicker and I shot him a glare.

"So what do we do about the whole custom form that Gunn signed?" Wes asked

"Let's search his office and see what we can find." I said. Wes and I stood. "Are you coming?" I asked Cordy.

"If you think you need me."

"You are the only one who saw the form. You may be able to recognize it."

"Right I didn't think of that. Let's go."

An hour later we had went through all of the papers on Gunn's desk and found nothing of interest. There were a few custom papers on his desk but the were all dated yesterday of the day before, nothing from today.

"Now what?" I asked, my voice thick with frustration.

"We're at a dead end." Wesley stated.

"Thank you Captain Obvious." I snapped as I picked up the phone and tried unsuccessfully to reach Gunn again. When he didn't answer his home or cell I slammed the phone down.

"Angel there is nothing else that we can do tonight." Cordy said as she gently placed her hand on my arm.

"Something is going to happen because of this form. I just can't sit around and wait for it to happen."

"Without Gunn here there is nothing else that we can do." Wes said

"That's what Cordy said." I mumbled.

"She's a smart woman. You should listen to her Angel." I heard Cordy giggle behind me.

"I'm smart. How many times have I told you that?"

"I never said that you weren't smart Cor." Wesley laughed and I know he knew what she was saying.

"Angel I'm going to call it a night. Fred and I have plans tonight and I don't wan to keep her waiting." Wes said.

"Fred definitely should not be kept waiting. Meet me in here at 8 sharp tomorrow morning and hopefully Gunn will decide to bring his ass to work tomorrow and we can clear this up."

"I'll be here. Have a good night. You too Cordelia." Wesley said.

"Thanks Wes." She said

"Cordy said thanks. See you in the morning." As soon as Wes closed the door behind him Cordy climbed on my lap so she was facing me. She wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Baby you did everything that you could have done. Hopefully we can take care of it tomorrow and this will all be a bad dream."

"Except the part about you. You are the best thing about today, about everyday." She slowly leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine. The kiss rapidly turned urgent and frantic. I easily stood up and she wrapped her legs around my waist. I broke our kiss so I could walk to my office without everyone thinking I was sleepwalking and it was pure torture keeping my lips away from her mouth while her lips gently sucked on my ear lobe. As soon as the doors to my private elevator shut my lips attacked hers. I really wanted to wait until I got to my apartment to make love to her but as her hands were unbuckling my belt, I knew that I wouldn't make it to my apartment. She pushed my pants and boxers down to my ankles. I pushed her skirt up past her hips and I impatiently ripped her underwear off of her body.

"Angel." She groaned as I pushed myself inside of her with one swift thrust. To steady myself I pushed her against the wall and placed my hands on her ass and she tightened her grip around my neck. I lost all control as I thrust myself into her ruthlessly but if the moans and whimpers that were coming out of her mouth were any indication of what she thought of my thrusting, it didn't bother her at all. She sounded like she was enjoying herself. Within minutes the elevator was filled with our screams as our orgasms powerfully overtook our bodies.

"Are you okay?" I asked her when her trembling ceased. She responded with only a nod. "Can you walk sweetheart?" She shook her head. "Okay. Hang on." I kicked my shoes off followed by my pants and boxers then with her legs still wrapped tightly around my waist I carried to my bed.

"Where are you going?" She mumbled

"I'm getting my pants and the remains of your underwear out of the elevator in case I get any visitors. If they were found I would have a hard time explaining them."

"Hurry back." I hurried to the elevator, not wanting to be away from her at all. Grabbing the clothes I walked back into my bedroom and tossed them and my shirt into the laundry basket then I climbed naked into bed beside her. I was pleasantly surprised when I wrapped my arm around her I found that she was naked too. I pulled her face to mine and I kissed her gently until she broke away to breathe.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No baby. You didn't hurt me."

"I just wanted you so bad and when I'm with you I forget how strong I can be."

"I'm fine Angel." She flashed me her beautiful big smile and I traced my finger around her lips.

"You are so beautiful." I whispered as she kissed the tip of my finger.

"I know but it's nice to hear every once in awhile."

"You're beautiful, gorgeous, adorable and sexy as hell."

"Why is sexy the last thing you mentioned? Was it an afterthought?" She asked teasingly

"I was saving the best for last."

"How do you always know the right thing to say?" I shrugged and kissed her again. This time after we broke apart she laid her head on my chest and I snaked my arm around her, pulling her close to me.

"I love you Cordelia Chase." I told her as she drew lazy circles across my chest.

"I love you too Angel."

"I can't imagine my life without you. You have been there for me through the good and bad. You have seen the worst part of me, Angelus, and you have seen the best part of me and the best part of myself only surfaces when you are here. You are my best friend Cordy and I am a better man or vampire because of you." Instead of responding she placed her arm across my chest and hugged me tightly. A few minutes later I felt her tears fall onto my bare chest.

"Cor I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry. I just needed you to know how I feel about you, how you make me feel. I wish to hell I would have told you before that night so we could have really had all of this." I said softly as I linked my hand with hers.

"I feel the same way. You have seen the best and worst parts of Cordelia Chase and you still love me and for the life of me I haven't figured out after all of the bad things that I have done, why I deserve to be loved by you." She whispered tearfully into my chest.

"The bad things you have done? Have you forgotten Angelus? I slaughtered thousands of people just for the fun of it and before I killed them I tortured most of them because I could. It's me who doesn't deserved to be loved by you."

"This has got to be the worst pillow talk in the history of the world." I laughed. "How about we just accept the fact that we are both extremely lucky to be in love with each other and not count our past sins. Let's just enjoy this moment because we don't know if we will get another one." I kissed the top of her head.

"I love you Cor."

"I love you too Angel."

--

"Where the hell have you been?" I roared as soon as Gunn walked into his office the next morning.

"I took a personal day." He answered

"Did you not get any of our pages or voicemails?" Wesley asked calmly.

"I did but I wasn't able to call back."

"Why not?"

"I was busy."

"BUSY?" I shouted. "What kind of bullshit answer is that? Busy is not an excuse not to return our calls."

"What the hell is the big deal? No one died." I was about to lunge at him but Cordy's firm hand on my shoulder kept me in my chair.

"We have a concern about a customs form that you signed yesterday." Wesley calmly said.

"I uhh don't know what you're talking about." I quickly shot out of my chair and came face to face with Gunn.

"Quit lying. I'm not in the mood to hear it. Now what were you doing yesterday because I know that it had something to do with that custom form that I'm looking for. Now what the hell is going on Gunn?"

"I was losing it."

"Losing what?"

"The law, human and demon, the damn musicals everything. I was losing everything that

gave me a place here." Gunn admitted.

"The custom form?"

"I went back to the doctor who gave me the upload and he told me that it was temporary. I couldn't lose it so he told me that if I signed a simple custom form he would give me the permanent upgrade so I signed the damned form and got my upgrade."

"What was it?"

"Huh?"

"What did you allow to go through customs?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"I honestly don't know. I didn't read it. I knew it was a normal custom form but I didn't read it. Why is this form so important?"

"We don't know." I snapped. "That's the problem."

"How did you find out about it?" I looked at desperately at Wesley. Besides me, he was the only one who knew the truth and lying on the spot was never a great quality of mine.

"We received word that something was going to come through customs that could cause problems for us here. We were hoping that you could tell us what it was so we could stop it from destroying us." Wesley explained.

"How did you know that I signed it?" Wesley didn't miss a beat and answered him.

"Our informant told us that one of us had signed it and you were the logical conclusion."

"I didn't know. I'm sorry."

"If anyone gets hurt you will be really sorry." I whispered.

Later that afternoon Wesley and I had exhausted all of our leads and we had come up with nothing. I was hoping that the vision was a false alarm but deep down I knew that it wasn't and Cordy quickly confirmed my deepest fears. One of my people was in trouble.

"Angel it's in the lab." Cordy said suddenly.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Some kind of coffin thing. You need to get to Fred before she opens it." Wesley picked up his and called the lab.

"No answer." He said and we both took off running.

"Hurry Angel. Save her." I heard Cordy call as Wes and I exited his office.

We ran up to very long flights of stairs to the lab. Time had never moved so slow before. We burst into the lab as Fred was backing away from the coffin coughing.

"Fred." Wesley shouted as he rushed over to her.

"It's too late." Cordy sobbed in the corner.

"Come on Fred. I'm going to get you down to medical." Fred lifted her into his arms.

"Wesley I'm fine. You're overreacting." Wesley looked at me and I nodded and he rushed out of the room with Fred in his arms.

"Cordy what did you see?"

"It's too late." She sobbed. I pulled her into my arms and held her tightly as her body shook with sobs.

"Tell me what you saw sweetheart so I can save her." I begged.

"You can't save her."

"Yes I can if you just tell me what you saw."

"Fred will be dead in less than twelve hours Angel."

"There must be a way to save her life Cordy."

"There is but you won't do it and she won't want you to do it either."

"Cordelia." I was getting really tired of this cryptic shit.

"This is the sarcophagus of an ancient demon named Illyria. It was stolen from the deeper well and brought here so she could reclaim her kingdom. The demon is going to slowly destroy Fred from the inside. Her organs will liquefy so her body can become a hard shell for the demon." Cordy choked on a sob. "You could go to the well and the keeper could cast the spell to bring Illyria back to the well."

"See I know there was a way to save Fred." I said triumphantly but Cordy shook her head.

"For Illyria to be drawn back she will infect thousands of humans on the way and they will all die."

"Screw them. I lost you and I'm not losing Fred too."

"Angel think about what you're saying. Killing thousands to save one?"

"I am thinking about it Cor and that one is Fred. Winifred Burkle."

"You know damn well that she won't let you do that."

"So you want me to basically kill our friend? Is that what you are asking me to do?"

"I don't want Fred to die anymore than you do Angel but you need to think of Fred, She won't be able to live with herself if she is alive because thousands are dead."

"Cordy I can't let her die."

"Then ask her what she wants you to do. If she says screw them then fly your ass down to the well and save her but if she is willing to sacrifice herself for the world then you need to let her do it."

"God dammit." I shouted. "Why Fred? Why her?"

"I don't know." She whispered softly. I walked out of the lab and headed down to medical. Wesley was waiting outside with Gunn, who looked devastated.

"The doctors said that she will be fine." Wesley said happily.

"Wes, I need a minute alone please. Gunn can you stay with Fred?" He nodded and I led Wesley to a private room. Once we were alone I told him everything that Cordy told me.

"No there has to be another way." He said.

"I'm sorry Wes."

"We have to save Fred."

"I agree but we should give her the choice."

"I don't want to tell her that she's dying." He said softly

"She's smart, She's knows what's happening to her." Cordy said and I repeated it to Wesley who reluctantly agreed. By the time we got back to Fred she was coughing up blood.

"It's my boys." She said weakly. Cordy sobbed beside me. "It must be bad if you all are here."

"You're too smart for your own damn good." Wesley said. He sadly told Fred what Cordy had seen in her vision and no one questioned where this information had come from.

"You know what has to be done." She said softly.

"Angel go get on a plane and get to the well." Wesley said.

"I'm on it. Spike you're with me." I said,

"No." Fred said from the bed and we all froze. "Thousands of innocent people cannot die because of me. It's not worth it."

"Fred you are worth it." I said and she shook her head.

"I will not let innocent people die to save me." She said stubbornly.

"Dammit Fred." Wesley said.

"It's the right thing to do." She whispered weakly.

"I don't want to lose you." He choked out.

"Come on guys, Let's give them a minute alone." I said to Gunn, Lorne and Spike and they walked out of the room. "Wesley, Fred we'll be in the hall."

"Don't go far." Fred said.

"I won't." I promised and I left them alone.

"Poor Fredikins. It's not fair. Angel are you sure there isn't another way?" Lorne asked me.

"I'm sure Lorne."

"This is all my fault." Gunn mumbled. I slowly walked over to him.

"Just so you know you never needed to have an upgrade in your brain to be a part of my team. You always have been and always will be a part of my team with or without a brain upgrade." I told him softly. Before he could respond the door to Fred's room opened and Wes walked out.

"She's ready to say goodbye."

**Thanks for reading. Please send me a review with your thoughts. Pretty please?**


	6. Chapter 6

**I own none of the characters of Angel**

We all stood there silently for a few minutes, letting Wesley's words sink in. Fred was ready to say goodbye. It wasn't fair. She was so young and such a good woman. She shouldn't have to die this way.

"Gunn why don't you go first." Wesley suggested.

"I… I…don't know if I can face her." He mumbled.

"This isn't the time to be selfish." Wes told him. "Fred is dying and she wants to see you. You owe her that." Gunn nodded and slowly walked into Fred's room.

We all stood outside of Fred's room for the next hour while her friends went in to say goodbye. Gunn looked like he wanted to hurl, Lorne was sobbing and Spike, Spike was just plain devastated. I had never seen him like this before. He and Fred had formed a special bond when she was trying to make him solid again. The fact that he bypassed his chance to save her life went a long with her. I swear I actually saw tears in his eyes when he came out of the room.

"Angel you're next." I heard Wes say to me. "Is Cordy with you?" I nodded. "Maybe Cordy can say goodbye and you can translate it to Fred."

"Come on Angel." Cordy said as she pulled me into the room. I wanted to cry as soon as I saw Fred, lying on the bed.

"Handsome man, save me from the monsters." She whispered as I sat next to her.

"I wish I could save you from this Fred." I told her as I took her hand.

"I've met my quota for Angel saves."

"There is no quota for saving your life Fred. I can still do this if you'll let me." She shook her head.

"This is my destiny Angel, to die so thousands can live."

"It's not fair."

"Please tell her I wish that I was here." Cordy suddenly whispered. I had forgotten that she was there.

"I know that if Cordy was awake she would be here for you."

"I wish she was here."

"She has been such a good friend to me, my best friend." Cordy told me.

"She considered you her best friend."

"She has been mine. You've been a good friend too."

"So have you. You have no idea how good of a friend you have been." I whispered over the lump in my throat. "You don't deserve this. It should be me."

"Don't be ridiculous. You can't die. The world needs their champion. The world needs you Angel."

"The world needs you Fred." I countered.

"I've done everything that I was meant to do."

"Fred…"

"It won't be much longer. I need Wesley. Can you get Wesley?"

"Of course." I stood up. "Do you need anything?"

"Just Wesley."

"Tell her I love her." Cordy requested.

"Fred, Cordy and I love you very much."

"She loves you too Angel. Hold on to that knowledge because it will give you power. That knowledge will get you through your lonely times." I heard Cordy sobbing beside me.

"Thank you Fred."

"Thank you for being such a wonderful friend. I love you too."

"Goodbye sweet Fred." I whispered softly as I walked out of the room. "She needs you." I told Wes.

"Thanks." He replied and he quickly returned to the bedside of the woman he loved.

Cordy and I were alone in the hallway. Lorne, Gunn and Wesley probably couldn't bear to be around when it ended. I myself didn't know if I wanted to be around when it happened but I couldn't make myself walk away. I slowly slid to the floor, pulling Cordy along with me until she was in my lap. We wrapped our arms around each other and sobbed for our friend who was dying.

"It's time." Cordy told me about ten minutes after my sobs subsided.

"Time for what?"

"I can feel her slipping away. It won't be much longer now."

We pulled ourselves off of the floor and we went over to the window of Fred's room. I saw Wesley holding Fred who was in obvious pain. During my very long life I have seen many people die, most by my own hand or more accurately by my own teeth, and I enjoyed watching their lives slip away from them. It gave me great joy to watch them die.

But this time, watching this woman die, my friend, was tearing me apart. The only other time I had felt like this was when Doyle died and I was helpless to save him just as I am helpless to save Fred. Cordy and I watched as Fred's struggling came to an end. She laid her head on Wesley's arm and she slipped out of this life. I placed my hand on the door but Cordy placed on tight grip on my arm.

"Give him time alone. He needs to be alone."

"He shouldn't be alone. It's the worst thing for him."

"He needs to say goodbye." I knew she was right. I just hated standing around. I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her to my side, thankful that I had the woman that I love still in my life, even if she wasn't really here and I know that it was only a matter of time before I would be feeling exactly what Wes was feeling right now. Suddenly Fred started having a seizure but it was impossible because she was dead. I watched as she fell off the bed. I wasn't waiting in the hall any longer. I rushed into the room.

"Wes I thought she…"

"So did I." We both stared as Fred stood up but it wasn't Fred and we knew it right away.

"Illyria." Wes whispered.

"I suppose this shell will do." Illyria said.

"It's not a shell. It's the body of a wonderful woman that you killed." Wesley spat.

"Sacrifice is a part of worship."

"She didn't worship you, she didn't know you."

"I must return to my kingdom." She was walking right towards me.

"You're not going anywhere." I snapped as I stepped to the side, blocking her path.

"How dare you think that you have the right to stop me?"

"I not only have the right but the obligation to stop you from destroying any more lives." In one swift movement, one that I didn't even see coming, she swung at me and I went flying through the glass window, landing hard against the wall outside of Fred's room. "Owww." I moaned as Illyria walked past me.

"Angel are you okay?" Wesley asked me.

"What the hell was that?"

"Illyria is in her strong demonic form."

"No shit Sherlock." I groaned as I slowly pulled myself off of the floor.

"Are you okay Angel?" Cordy asked me

"I'll survive. So what do we know about Illyria?" I asked

"Not much. I need to do some research."

"Let me help."

We headed downstairs to Wesley's office and began to find out everything that we could about Illyria, which wasn't much. She was ancient demon that was very powerful, information that we already knew.

"She said that she was returning to her kingdom. Where the hell is her kingdom?" I snapped two hours later. We were getting nowhere fast and it was frustrating the hell out of me.

"I'm trying to locate it."

"Do you still think that she has followers or minions?"

"I'm assuming that she still has followers because someone had to release her from the well and send her here."

"This could be really bad. Cor, have you had any visions that could actually be helpful?"

"I know you're hurting right now but that is no reason to be mean to me."

"Vision, yes or no?" If looks could kill Cordy would have killed me at that very moment.

"No." She snapped.

"I found it." Wesley announced and I rushed over to him. "Her kingdom is here in Los Angeles."

"Of course it is. Where else would it be?" I muttered.

"It's not visible to us right now. Only Illyria has the power to access it."

"So if we can't see it how can we find it?"

"I know the location and Illyria will be there and that's what matters. We need to find her." I looked over Wesley's shoulder and looked at the book with a picture of Illyria's kingdom.

"What the hell is that?" I asked pointing to the blob behind Illyria.

"Her army."

"Holy shit. We need to move now."

"We're going to need muscle. She's strong as hell."

"Tell me about it. I'll find Gunn and Spike and meet you lobby when you're ready." I knew that he needed some time to come to grips with what had happened.

"When we find her what are we going to do?" He asked softly.

"We're going to have to kill her." I told him.

"It's Fred. I don't know if I can do it."

"Wes it's not Fred. Fred is dead. We have to kill Illyria. You need to remember that Illyria may look just like Fred but it's not her. It's a demon with the face of our Fred." He nodded and I gently placed my hand on his shoulder, in a manly way, of course. "When you're ready, we'll be downstairs." He nodded and I left him alone with his thoughts.

"Do you need me with you?" Cordy asked me when we returned to my office.

"No. I don't want you to see it."

"Angel I'm so sorry, so sorry for Fred. I wish, so much, that we could have saved her." I pulled her into my arms and hugged her tightly.

"So do I Cor. So do I." I lifted her face and gently kissed her until Wesley was clearing his throat. "Wes, I'm sorry." I realized how tasteless it was to be kissing the woman that I love when he just lost the woman he loved.

"Sorry for what? Sleeping on the job." I had forgotten that whenever I'm with Cordelia I appear to be sleeping when others are around.

"Yeah, That's it. You ready for this?" Wesley nodded. "Let's go then."

"Be careful Angel." I squeezed her hand.

"I will.

An hour later we had located Illyria and her kingdom. We discovered the Knox, Fred's lab assistant was the one that "chose" Fred to be the shell for Illyria. Wesley quickly took care of that problem by shooting and killing the traitor and then the fun began. Illyria was strong as hell, stronger then I ever imagined she could be and she was kicking our asses. I lost count of all of the times I was thrown into a wall or pillar along with Spike, Gunn, and Wesley.

"God dammit woman." I shouted as I lunged at her again, this time catching her. I placed my hands around her neck ready to break it but my mistake was positioning her right in front of me, so I could see her face and I couldn't do it. As I looked at the woman standing in front of me, I didn't the blue color that was on her skin and hair. I didn't see the body armor like outfit that she was wearing. I didn't see the vacant look in her eyes. The only thing I saw was the woman I found in Pyleia, scared and brave at the same time. I saw my friend standing in front of me. I dropped my hands from her neck, like I had been burnt, and I backed away from her. Fred or Illyria sent me a confused look and then she raced out of the building.

"What the hell happened?" Spike shouted.

"I couldn't." I whispered.

"Why the hell not? Did your arms suddenly quit working?"

"It was Fred." Wesley told him.

"No it wasn't you pounces. It's Illyria."

"When you have her life in your hands you try to make the distinction between the two." I snapped.

"You were going to kill Cordelia when she was evil so why can't you kill evil Fred?" Gunn said. He should of known not bring up Cordelia. I shoved him against the wall.

"I went there that night with the intention of killing the woman that I love. Do you have any idea what that did to me? I know that it wasn't her but she looked just like Cordy As I raised my sword in the air to end her life I knew that I couldn't lower it. I knew I couldn't kill the woman I loved even though it wasn't her, no matter what she did. Before I could determine my next course of action, Jasmine was born and you know the rest. It's the same with Fred, Illyria, whoever the hell she is. I can't end her life because every time I look at her I see my friend who I could never hurt, no matter what she is right now." I finished my speech by shoving him into the wall again. "I won't." I told him before releasing my grip.

"So what happens to Illyria?" Spike asked.

"I don't care right now. Find, her, don't find her, kill her, let her live. I don't want anything else to do with this nightmare." I shouted as I headed for the exit.

"Some things never change. When the going gets tough big scary vampire runs." Spike shouted.

"Lay off Spike. Angel's right." I froze as I heard Wesley defend me. Of all people I thought that he would be the one main one rallying to kill Illyria, the thing that stole the life away from Fred. "Besides killing Fred Illyria hasn't done anything to warrant her death yet."

"Killing Fred is cause enough." Gunn spat.

"Knox chose Fred, not Illyria and Knox has been punished for his crime. I suggest that we find Illyria and bring her back to Wolfram & Hart and go from there." Wesley said.

"This is wrong…so wrong." Gunn mumbled and this time it was Wesley that shoved Gunn against the wall.

"You signed the customs forms. You are partly to blame for Fred being dead. How about if I kill you for your part?" Wesley seethed.

"Fine I get your point." Gunn said, shoving Wesley away.

"Let's go. Being here is pointless." I muttered and my friends followed me out the door.

When we got back to the office we all went our separate ways. Spike never actually returned to the office with us. I assumed that he went to the nearest dive bar to drown his sorrows. Gunn and Wesley locked themselves in their offices and I headed up to my apartment.

As soon as I saw Cordy sitting on my couch with tears running down her face. I knew that she was hurting, like the rest of us. As soon as she saw me she walked right over to me and wrapped her arms around me. I held her in a tight hug, I just needed to feel her, remind myself that she was still here, in my life.

"Angel, you're suffocating me." She mumbled. I reluctantly loosened my grip until she slipped out of my arms.

She must have known that I needed a physical reminder of her presence in my life because she took my hand and led me to my bed. Within seconds she was standing naked in front of me. I quickly removed my own clothes and joined her on the bed. "I love you so much Cordy. I never want to lose you." I whispered huskily as I sheathed myself inside of her. "I can't lose you." She responded by wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling my face to hers in a sweet, passionate kiss. I made love to my sweet Cordelia slowly and tenderly, savoring every touch, every kiss and every whispered word of love spoken. Cordy and I had tears in our eyes when we both climaxed.

"Angel." She whispered into the darkened room. We had been lying in silence for over an hour, each of us lost in our own thoughts.

"Yeah."

"Are you okay?" I pulled myself out of bed and threw on some clothes. Everything that had happened today had come rushing to the surface.

"What kind of question is that?"

"I know that you didn't kill Illyria." She told me as she dressed.

"How do you know that?"

"I got a vision. I saw what happened."

"Visions. I am so god damned tired of your visions." I snapped

"Angel…"

"I don't understand. The Powers sent you back to help me right?" She nodded. "Since you've been back you've gotten visions but they have been too damn late to do anything. Fred is dead and you're visions didn't help us one little bit. So what is the fucking point of sending you back here Cordelia? What did I do that was so horrible that The Powers would want to torture me like this?"

"My presence was not meant to torture you." She told me tearfully but I ignored her. I was so furious with Fred's death that I was taking it out her. I knew that it was wrong but I couldn't stop myself.

"Well it is torturing me. I've been given a taste of something that I can never have and even though you being here isn't real when you die it's going to hurt like hell. I saw what Wes went through today when he lost Fred, something that shouldn't of happened if you were truly here to help me, but when she died, a part of Wes died right along with her."

"Since when are you afraid of pain?" She snapped

"Since the pain will revolve around you."

"So what are you saying Angel? So you wish that none of this, that we, wouldn't have happened so you can avoid pain?"

"Maybe I do. First of all you haven't helped me at all. Your visions have been pointless since they're always too damned late.

"You don't mean that."

"Don't tell me what I mean Cordelia. Have you ever thought about how selfish you have been?"

"Selfish? Are you kidding me?" I could see the anger flashing her brown eyes.

"When you die it's over for you. I'm the one who has to live with the pain of losing you for the rest of my very long life. That really doesn't seem fair to me."

"You arrogant hypocritical asshole."

"It would have been so much easier to say goodbye to you if you didn't come back and we didn't experience what we experienced."

"Do you think that I'm enjoying the fact that my death is going to destroy you? I know that you will be hurt but I wouldn't give up one second of what we shared "

"Well that's where we differ because I would."

"Fine. If that's how you feel, you won't see me again until my funeral. Goodbye Angel." With those final words Cordy disappeared.

I went to the kitchen, grabbed some blood and wandered to the living room where I sat heavily on the couch. I was so pissed off at myself for not saving Fred, at The stupid Powers That Be for not sending Cordy the vision in time so I could save Fred and I was really mad at Cordy for dying and leaving me.

It wasn't fair that Cordy was dying. She was so young, so beautiful and she hadn't even begun living her life. It wasn't fair that someone like me, a monster that killed so many people, gets to live forever while my sweet Cordy has to die. This pain must be a huge part of my atonement because I deserve to hurt. I actually don't deserve that happiness that Cordy has brought to my life. I should be the one dying, not her. I couldn't lose another person in my life. I just couldn't.

"That's it." I should have thought of this before. I quickly threw on some clothes and I was on my way to save the woman I loved.

**Thanks for reading. Please send me a review with your thoughts.**


	7. Chapter 7

**I own none of the characters of Angel**

I waited not so patiently for the Oracles to grant me access. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity I was inside the cave,

"Why must you bother us lower being?"

"Cordelia Chase."

"What about her? You've already been to us once regarding your seer."

"She can't die. She is too important."

"It is her fate. Cordelia Chase will die."

"Look too many people have already died because they chose to fight with me. The world has lost Doyle and now Fred. It can't lose Cordy too. She is way to important. She can do so much more good if she lives. I couldn't save Fred but it's not to late to save Cordy."

"How can you save her?"

"Take my life. Kill me and allow her to live." I begged.

"Without you, The Seer's job would be pointless without you. The visions that are sent to her are for you. Without you there will be no visions and therefore she won't be of any use. She will be a normal human."

"Then let her be a normal human. She deserves to find some happiness."

"Without you to do the work of The Powers many people will die and one person's life is not worth the thousands that will die in her place." He's heard that excuse before.

"There must be something you can do to save her."

"There is nothing that can be done vampire. Do not come back again regarding your Seer." The next thing I knew I was back outside, having accomplished nothing. Cordy was still going to die and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

When I arrived back at my penthouse I walked in expecting to find a pissed off Cordy waiting to bitch me out but my penthouse was empty.

"All right Cordy." I said into the empty room. "I know you're pissed at me and you have every right to be. I was an asshole and I treated you like shit. I'm sorry Cordy." I waited anxiously for her to appear but hour later she still didn't show. "Come on Cor. I need my ass kicked and you know damn well you want to do it so please come back and kick it, yell at me, scream at me, hit me, do anything just please come back."

After another hour of silence I finally lay on the couch and waited all night for her to come back but when the sun rose I was still alone. I knew that I royally screwed up and I probably lost her forever but I wasn't giving up. I was going back to the hospital where I first saw her and hopefully I would see her again. I threw on some clothes and headed to the lobby to let Harmony know where I would be.

"Where's Wesley?" I asked her.

"He's been in her office all night." I had to make sure he was okay.

"I'm going to go check on him then I'll be at the hospital visiting Cordelia."

"Okay boss."

When I walked into the lab I found Wesley sitting in Fred's office, which didn't surprise me. What surprised me was Illyria standing in the lab staring up at my friend. I couldn't even look at her because I all could see was Fred. I ignored her and went straight for Wesley.

"How are you doing?" I asked softly.

"She's gone Angel and she is never coming back. I'll never be able to kiss her again, touch her soft skin, and tell her I love her again. Do you realize how much easier her death would be if Illyria wasn't here because every time I look at her I can see my Fred. Illyria's presence is just cruel, reminding me of what I have lost." Wesley said miserably.

"I can't look at her either without seeing Fred which leads me to ask, what the hell is she doing here?"

"Since her kingdom is gone she has nowhere else to go."

"What has she been doing?"

"For the majority of the time she has been staring at the ceiling tiles, possibly counting them and at one point she ate a couple of the leaves off of the plant."

"What do you want to do with her?" I asked him

"You're the boss. Why are you asking me?"

"Because you were in love with Fred and it can't be easy seeing Illyria hanging around here. Do you want me to have her removed?" He didn't answer me right away. He just stared at Illyria.

"Can I think about it?" He answer surprised me.

"Sure you can. I'll do whatever you want." He nodded. "I'm going to the hospital to see Cordy so if you need anything, call my cell."

"Why are you going to the hospital? Isn't she here?" I shook my head.

"I was a real asshole to her yesterday so she vanished and I haven't seen her since. I'm hoping that since the first place I saw her was at the hospital I can find her there again."

"Good luck."

"Thanks. I'll need it since I really screwed up."

--

"Good morning Mr. Angel." The head nurse greeted me when I arrived on Cordy's hospital floor. Cordy told me that this nurse thought I was hot and that's why she remembered my name even though I had rarely been here. I glanced at her nametag.

"Good morning Sarah. Any change in Cordelia?" I asked even though I already knew the answer.

"No sir, not since your last visit."

"Thanks for taking such good care of her." I said solemnly.

"I'm just doing my job." She flirted.

"All the same, thanks." She nodded and I walked away but I could feel her eyes on me.

When I walked into Cordy's room she was in the same position that she was last time I was here, well at least part of her. She was lying on her back with her hands lying at her sides. I hated to see her like this, so lifeless when she was so full of life. I leaned forward and kissed her on lips but there was no response. Sighing I sat down and took her hand.

"Cor, I know I screwed up. They sent you back to help me and I took you for granted. I know you can't help when you get the visions and you did what you could with them. What happened to Fred is not your fault. I know that, I knew that when I was blaming you. I was just hurting so badly when Fred died. I was pissed off at myself for not saving her and I took it out on you, the only person that wanted to help me. Baby, I'm so sorry. You have to come back to me. I don't want my last memory of us together fighting. I don't want that for you either. You deserve so much better from me. Please come back so I can make it up to you." My tears slowly fell from my eyes. "Cor, I love you so much and I'm so sorry. Please come back."

There was no response from her unconscious form or from her ghost self. I knew that she was never coming back to me. I wrapped my arm around her waist and laid my head on her stomach. "I tried to save you." I whispered. "When the evil you was pregnant we didn't know what you were carrying. We only knew that it was bad. I wanted to save you, to bring you back but it was too late. Skip told me that there was nothing I could do for you. My only choice was to kill you and that would kill what was growing inside you but when I found you, I couldn't do it Cor. Even though I knew that it wasn't you I would be killing, it would be the evil you that I would be killing but I couldn't do it. When I looked at you I didn't see evil Cordelia. I saw my sweet and brave Cordelia. I saw the woman who I fell in love with and I couldn't do it. I couldn't end your life. Kind of ironic isn't it? How many times did I tell you that if I was turned into Angelus and he tried to hurt you that you had to kill me and every time you refused because you said you couldn't hurt me and I ended up doing the same damn thing that you would have done." I linked my hand with hers and rubbed my thumb over her soft skin. "I went to The Oracles today to ask them to save your life. I asked them to take my life and give you yours back but the bastards refused. I know that if they actually would have done it you would have been furious with me but at least you would be alive and living. It's not fair Cor. Why should I get to live for over two hundred years and you don't even get to live to see thirty. You should be able to get married and have lots of babies. You would have made a wonderful mom and it's all my fault that you won't get any of these things. If only I wouldn't have given you that job that you so desperately needed then you wouldn't be lying here in this damn coma. You would have been pissed off but you would have gone off and lived a normal life, a safe normal happy life. Happiness, that's all I ever wanted for you and I managed to screw that up. Jesus, Cor, why the hell do you love me? All I've brought to your life is pain and heartache."

"You've also brought me happiness." I jerked my head up at the sound of her voice.

"You came back."

"We need to talk. I'll meet you back at your penthouse." Before I could respond she was gone. I quickly stood, kissed the unconscious Cordy and raced out of the hospital.

--

"Cordy, I'm here." I yelled as soon as I walked into my penthouse. This time I did find a very pissed off Cordy sitting on my couch. I rushed over to her. "I didn't think that you would be here." I moved in to hug her but she stopped me.

"I almost didn't. You were a jerk and you really hurt my feelings." She spat while glaring at me.

"I was and I know that I hurt your feelings and I am so sorry." I said weakly.

"You said I was selfish."

"I didn't mean it. I was angry and hurt and I took it out on you."

"You're damn right you did. Do you actually know the meaning of selfish? It usually has to do with the selfish person saying I and me and what I just head you say was YOU were hurt and angry and YOU took it out on the woman who loves you. You kept telling me that YOU were being tortured, that my visions weren't helping YOU, how much YOU would be hurt when I died, that YOU wish that I never came back. You're the selfish one in this room Angel, not me." I nodded in agreement. She was absolutely right. I was a selfish bastard. "Do you know how badly you hurt me when you said I wasn't any help to you, that you wished that I never came back, that we never got to have what we did, that we never made love or told each other that we loved each other? Do you have any idea how that made me feel?"

"I didn't mean it Cordy. I was just so angry that I was talking out of my ass."

"Hold on there buster, we are still talking about me." I nodded. "I have never loved anyone like I have loved you Angel, never. I put my heart on the line when I told you that I loved you and when I heard you say that you wished I never came back, I felt like you drove a stake through my heart. No one has ever hurt me like you hurt me Angel, no one." As she turned away from me I saw her wiping tears away. I reached out to take her hand but she pushed me away.

"Cor, I am so sorry."

"Are you Angel? Are you really sorry?" I nodded. "How do I know that the next time you get all pissed off that you won't take it out on me again? I may love you but I can't take those hateful words again Angel. I refuse to stand around and be your punching bag."

"I'm a selfish bastard. I'm an asshole. Cordelia I know that I have said this already but I'm sorry that I hurt you like I did. You didn't, you don't deserve to be treated as horrible as I treated you. I hate that I hurt you so bad. I didn't mean a word of what I said. I don't regret one minute of our time together. I could never regret it."

"Then why did you say it?"

"Because you were there."

"Not the time to be funny Angel." She said crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"I'm not trying to be funny Cor. You were here with me. You were the closest one to me when I got really pissed off so I took my anger out on you. Can you forgive me?" I asked her desperately.

"I'm working on it."

"Thank you."

"Now why did you go to The Oracles and ask them to kill you?"

"You saw that?" She nodded. "You deserve a life, a long happy life and I was hoping that my death would grant you that life."

"Do you really wish that I wouldn't of come to work with you?"

"No, I treasure the years that we have been together but if you never would have never worked for me you wouldn't be dying. You would probably be married and a mom. I just want you to live."

"Before you Angel, I wasn't happy. I really wasn't living either. My life didn't begin until I started working with you. I didn't become happy until I started helping people. I'm finally living the life that I was meant to live and that's all because of you buster. I'm happy now Angel."

"Happy? You shouldn't be happy. You should be mad as hell that you're dying. Aren't you mad?" Tears filled her eyes.

"Hell yes I'm mad Angel. I am furious but not because I never married or had children. I'm furious because we haven't had nearly enough time to love each other. Our time together, our love is being cruelly taken away from us prematurely." She was sobbing softly and I took a few steps towards her. When I closed the distance I reached out a tentative arm to touch her and she didn't pull away so I pulled her to my chest. "I'm glad that The Oracles didn't agree to your stupid plan."

"You are?"

"They were right. Me here without you would have been pointless. You are needed Angel. I can be replaced."

"No you can't Cor. You are irreplaceable."

"They can give my visions to someone else but you on the other hand, people who can't fight for themselves need you, their champion." We stood in the middle of the room, her arms wrapped tightly around my waist, head on my chest, my hands running through her hair, not speaking until I broke the silence.

"Cor?"

"Hmmm?"

"I love you, so very much."

"I know you do."

"I'm sorry I hurt you."

"I know you are."

"Have you forgiven me?"

"Almost."

"Almost?"

"You need to answer a few questions for me first." She pulled out of my embrace. "Go sit on the couch." She demanded and I did as I was asked. "Will you ever talk to me like that again?"

"No." She slowly unbuttoned her blouse and slid it to the floor. I liked where this was headed.

"Next time you are angry or hurt are you going to take it out on me?"

"No." Her delicate hands unbuttoned her jeans, slid them over her hips down to the floor and she kicked them away.

"Will you ever hurt me like that again?"

"Never." I whispered thickly. She slid her hands behind her, unclasped her bra and tossed it to the floor.

"Will you love me forever?"

"Forever." I repeated.

She slid her fingers under the waistband of her panties and quickly removed them. "I now forgive you Angel." With shaking legs I moved off of the couch, picked up the naked woman in front of me and carried her into my bedroom, staring into her eyes the entire time. I placed her on my bed, stripped out of my clothes and climbed on top of her.

I began to kiss her, first her lips moving to her neck, her breasts, belly, thighs, calves, and ankles. I gently sucked her toes and then I returned the way I came until I met her mouth again, whispering, "I love you" and "I'm sorry" the whole time. She gently cupped my face with both of her palms.

"I love you." She whispered before our lips met again. When she needed to breathe she broke away so I took the opportunity to kiss down her body again. This time I didn't go below her thighs. I spread her legs and placed gentle kisses on the most intimate part of her body. She moaned loudly when I slipped two fingers inside of her and placed my mouth on her clit. When her panting increased I pulled my mouth away from her clit replaced my fingers with my mouth.

"Son…of…a…bitch…" She panted as I darted my tongue around inside of her. I would never get over how wonderful she tasted. She tried to wrap her legs around my neck but I held them apart so my tongue could go deeper. Within a few minutes I had her bubbling over the edge. While she was still trembling, I slid myself inside of her, withdrawing a shriek from her mouth. I laid as close to her as I could without crushing her and I pressed my lips to hers, moving very myself very slowly inside of her, pushing as deep within her as I could then I pulled back until just the tip was inside of her and then I repeated the process very, very slowly over and over again, giving my Cordelia many orgasms. "Angel…please" She begged me. I knew she was ready to climax again. I sped up my thrusts and simultaneously we both were moaning each other's names.

"That was so sweet." She told me when she got her breath back. Her head was on my chest and I was drawing lazy circles across her back.

"I'm glad."

"I felt so close to you."

"No two people can be closer then when they are making love."

"I know but it was different this time. Maybe it was because you went so slow and your touch was so soft and tender but I've never felt closer to you then I did tonight."

"I'm sorry. If I knew how much you liked it slow, I would have always gone slow."

"I like slow and sweet but I also like hard and fast. I guess it depends on my mood but you always know how I want it to be. Like tonight, you knew that I needed to make love to you slowly. You always know what I need Angel."

"I sure didn't know what you needed last night?"

"You did but you were just so caught up in your grief that you couldn't see it."

"I am so sorry about yesterday. I promise that I will never treat you like that again."

"I know you're sorry. You've told me about a thousand times. I don't want to talk yesterday anymore. It's in the past. I only want to think about the future and the time we have left." A strangled sob escaped my throat. "Angel, I know that you don't want to think about my impending death. I know that I don't have much time left and I don't want to spend it being sad. I want to enjoy what time we have left being happy. Can you give me that?" She asked me softly.

"I'll give you whatever you want my sweet Cordelia." She pulled herself up on her elbows on kissed me sweetly.

"Do you have any idea what I want right now?"

"I think I have a pretty good idea." I said with a smile as I rolled us over.

An hour later a totally satisfied Cordy fell asleep in my arms and only then did I allow my tears to fall. I knew that she wouldn't be alive for much longer and it was killing me. I wanted so badly for her to live. I wanted to be with her and love her for the rest of my life. I would make her remaining time here on earth happier then she ever could of imagined. She deserves at least that much from me.

"I love you Cordy." I whispered, gently kissing her forehead. She sighed and snuggled closer to me.

"I love you too." She mumbled sleepily. I tightened my arms around her and drifted off to sleep holding the most amazing woman in my arms.

_**Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I would love to read more reviews on this chapter. **_


	8. Chapter 8

**I own none of the characters of Angel.**

After my giant screw up, Cordy stayed around and I did the best that I could to keep her happy. I didn't work much so I could spend more time with the woman I love. It wasn't like I could take a ghost that only I could see out on a date so I brought her flowers and jewelry, which she loved, but she said what would really make her happy would be just spending time with me talking and making love, which I was easily able to do. I really did love making love to her.

Illyria stuck around Wolfram and Hart. In a way, she was lost and had nowhere else to go. At first it was very hard for Wesley to see her everyday because every time he looked at he saw his Fred. We knew that she was strong a hell so we figured that she could be an asset to our team. The best part of allowing Illyria to join our team was the fact that we had to discover what her strengths and weaknesses were and to do that we needed someone from our side to fight with her and who better then Spike. I loved it because he was getting his ass kicked multiple times a day.

"I think I know why my vision didn't come in time to save Fred." She told me softly one night after we made love.

"Okay, why?"

"I think that she will be able to help you fight in the next apocalypse."

"Great, another apocalypse." I muttered.

"I had another vision Angel and if it comes true it will end the world."

"Can we stop it?" I asked softly

"Sure if we can figure out who is involved."

"Sounds easy enough." I said simply.

"It's not. You are being watched like a hawk. Every room is this joint is bugged and you are being followed constantly. There are bugs all over you and everyone else that works for you, their cars, their offices and even their homes. They record your phone calls, they've put GPS monitor's on your guys' cars."

"How do you know that?"

"I'm vision girl remember?" I pulled myself up to a sitting position, pulling her up with me.

"If this room is bugged then how can we have this conversation?"

"You're the only one who can see me and whenever we are together and you're having a conversation with me you appear to be sleeping to the rest of the world so as far as Wolfram and Hart are concerned you have been sleeping a lot."

"Great. So now what the hell do I do?"

"You become one of them."

"One of who?"

"One of The Circle of the Black Thorn."

"The Circle of the what?"

"The Circle of the Black Thorn. They are the who's who in the upcoming apocalypse."

"How do I become one of them? I'm sure it's not a club with an open door policy."

"It's not."

"So what the hell am I supposed to do?"

"Use Fred's death to your advantage." She said softly

"That's wrong Cor. That is so wrong. Fred deserves better from me."

"It's only a façade Angel. This is what Fred would want. She would want her death to mean something and this way it can. Her death can help save the world."

"I don't like it."

"I didn't think that you would but it's the only way."

"What do I do?" I asked her. I knew she had plan forming in her beautiful head.

"You lie to your friends, make them lose their trust in you, become a killer, essentially you will become a different vampire. Everyone must believe that you have turned evil."

"Great. Where do I sign up?" I muttered.

"I know this horrible and you don't want to do it but it's not real. You'll have to remember that. You won't be able to get through it unless you keep telling yourself that."

"I don't know if I can do it Cor. I don't know if I can lie to our friends."

"By lying you will save the world Angel. Isn't it worth it?" I slowly nodded.

"What if they don't forgive me?"

"I know our friends Angel and I know once they realize why you did what you did they will forgive you."

"I don't know Cor." I mumbled.

"Yes you do Angel. You know what you need to do. You are a champion. You help the helpless."

"You're right. I know exactly what I need to do." I said pulling her to me and pressing my lips to hers.

"Angel…" She giggled pulling away from me. "I'm not helpless."

"I'll start tomorrow. There is nothing I can do tonight expect for you of course." I pulled her onto my chest and ran my tongue up the side of neck.

"Angel…I…ohh….we…have…to…" She sighed as my tongue landed inside of her ear. "plan…we…have…to form…a…plan." I gently lifted her up and slid her on top of my erection. "Son…of…a…bitch." She gasped. Placing my hand on the back of her neck I pulled her face to mine and kissed her. Using my tongue I forced her mouth open and shoved it inside of her mouth, tasting every part of her mouth. She moved very slowly on top of me while I just concentrated on kissing her mouth, her ears, her lips and her breasts. As always we reached our climax at the same time, with me gripping her hips and her raking her nails down my back but I didn't feel the pain. The only thing I felt was euphoric bliss, the same thing I always felt whenever I was making love to Cordy.

"That was low Angel." She accused me once her breathing returned to normal.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I said with a grin.

"We need to come up with a plan to save the world." She said as she planted kisses on my neck.

"I know that." I responded rubbing my hands up and down her naked back. "But as long as you are kissing my neck and sitting on top of me I can't think of anything but being inside of you and what I want to do with you."

"Fine then." She quickly pulled herself off of me and snuggled up next to me.

"So vision girl. What's the plan?"

By the time the sun rose the next morning Cordy and I hammered out a plan, a plan that I hated. I was going to have to start lying to my friends. I was going to have to convince strangers, the spy's at Wolfram and Hart and my friends that I had turned to the dark side. It was going to be hard but I knew as long as I had Cordy by my side, I could pull this off, possibly live through this and save the world.

"Cordy is it worth it? Is saving the world worth risking everyone's lives?" I asked her miserably.

"That's not your choice to make Angel. You're going to have to let them decide for themselves if they are willing to fight with you cause it's going to be dangerous. You can't force anyone to fight this fight with you but you can't do it alone either."

"I've never forced anyone to fight with me." I mumbled

"Maybe not exactly but you have a very powerful way of convincing people of doing what you want." She told me from experience.

"I won't force anyone." I told her as I finally pulled myself out bed, threw on my boxers and went to stand by the window. Neither of us said anything until she came up in front of me, placed my arms around her waist and she leaned back into my chest.

"Angel I know that you aren't comfortable with this plan, lying to your friends, becoming fake evil, but look outside. Look at all of the innocent people that you are going to save, the mothers, the fathers, the kids, the grandparents, the aunts, the uncles, the cousins, the nieces, the nephews, the cousins, the friends and the lovers. Take a long hard look and ask yourself if it's worth it?" She instructed me softly.

I spent the next five minutes doing as she instructed. Although I was so high up that I couldn't actually see the people because they all looked like ants but I got the point that she was trying to make. I got it loud and clear. I knew what I had to do.

"Yeah, Cordelia. It's worth it." I told her tightening my arms around her waist.

--

Over the next few weeks I made my friends distrust me and I managed to spin Fred's death to my advantage, which I hated. As soon as rumors started to fly that I had something to do with Fred's death The Circle contacted me. I was hoping that as soon as I was contacted I was hoping that I could identify the members but nothing is ever that easy. The few times that I met with them, they all had masks so that meant that I had to kill a fighter of good. I was sick to my stomach at the thought of having to kill an innocent being, but I guess since I would ultimately save the world it was worth it, or at least that what I kept telling myself.

Once I completed my "death" mission all of their faces were revealed to me and I would like to say that I was shocked by the faces that I saw but I wasn't. I knew who everyone of them were, they were clients of Wolfram & Hart. There was still one sacrifice they needed from me, one more proof of loyalty; they wanted me to sign away my humanity with blood. I didn't think twice about it. What they hell is the point of being human anymore? The woman I love is dying, my son has a new family and he is finally happy and all of my friends were probably going to die in the next few days so I had no need or desire to become human anymore. Now all I had to do was wait for my friends to confront me, confirming The Circle's belief that they no longer trusted me. As soon as that occurred I would let them know the truth and I would hope like hell that they would help me.

Cordy had another vision. She saw Wesley, Gunn, Lorne and Spike confronting me. I had gotten my hands on a glamour jewel, which would let my biggest spy, Hamilton think he was seeing my friends confronting me when I was filling them in on my plan minus Cordy giving me the vision. When it actually happened I told them that since Cordy was out of commission, in a coma, The Powers sent me the vision of The Circle. When I spun my whole story they were understandably angry with me and weren't sure that they could trust me but in the end they all agreed to help even though they might not make it through. They were willing to do whatever necessary to keep the world safe, even die. These men, that I worked with were champions in their own right, expect for Spike. He was just an ass.

I laid out my plan for them in crucial detail, what each would so, who they would be killing, where to find their "victims" and where to meet when all was said and done. I also told them to spend the day of the battle as if it was their last because it probably would be. I really wanted to know how they would spend their time since known of them had anyone special in their lives but it wasn't my business so I didn't ask. As Lorne left he told me that if he made it through tonight he was leaving and I wouldn't see him again. I hated to lose Lorne but I knew this wasn't what he signed up for. He was just a demon that wanted to sing and help people with get on the right path. Losing Fred had hit him hard and I knew it wouldn't be long until he took off. I was really going to miss him.

I of course wanted to spend my last day with Cordy but I needed to see Connor first. His new parents had brought him in to Wolfram & Hart when he was hit by a van and didn't get a scratch on him. At first I didn't want to help him but eventually I gave in because he was my son after all, and I didn't want him hurt. I caught up to him as he and his family was being attacked by demons. I knew he could fight but he didn't have the memory of how to fight so he couldn't really defend himself. By the end of the next day he had his memories returned but he didn't come right out and say anything to me about it except one little comment that gave me some hope. He said that he understood that a father would do anything necessary to protect his family. I think he was talking about me.

I found Connor at the student center writing a resume. Cordy went with me and smiled the whole time we were together. He had become such a great young man, no thanks to me. He told me that he knew that I was his father and he understood why I did what I did. He told me that he wasn't angry with me but that he wanted to keep things as they are now with his family and I could hardly blame the kid. His words meant so much to me. My boy didn't hate me. I had tears in my eyes when I left, knowing I would probably never see him again but at the same time I knew that he would okay.

By the time I returned to my penthouse I was sobbing. The reality of the choices that I made for myself, my friends and my son came washing over me. Even though we were going to save the world it still felt so wrong that so many of us were going to die in process and the souls of the world would be none the wiser. Cordy held me in her arms and reminded me that I was doing the right thing.

"Angel I am so proud of you." She told me lovingly as she kissed my tears away.

"For what?"

"For saving the world. For being willing to sacrifice yourself to save others." I couldn't respond. I just held her tightly to my chest, never wanting to let go. "You have made me so happy Angel. I'm so glad that we given this second chance."

"You've made me happy too Cor, happier then I ever deserved."

"I love you so much." She said to me, with tears running down her face, causing my own to return. I knew this was her way of saying goodbye without actually coming out and saying it, in case I don't make it through.

"I love you my sweet Cordelia." I gently lifted her face to mine and we kissed gently. I slowly removed her clothes and she removed mine. I pushed her back onto the bed and kissed every available piece of skin I could find. Since this will probably be the last time that we will make love, I was going to make it count. I slowly sheathed myself into her and moved very slowly, making the most of this final time. By the time we both reached our orgasms we both had tears streaming down our faces.

"Where will you be during this?" I softly asked her, as we got dressed.

"I'll be watching." I nodded and we finished dressing in silence.

"Angel it's time." She told me. I had been holding her in my arms for the past ten minutes.

"I know." I made no attempt to release her.

"Angel." I reluctantly pulled away.

"Cordy I…" She placed a finger to my lips.

"No words. We have already said everything that we need to say." I smiled at her through my tears and kissed her passionately. When I pulled away she returned the smile and disappeared from my arms. I knew that it was time.

My plan was to deal with Hamilton myself. He was my biggest pain in the ass. I knew that my gang could handle the rest. I set Harmony up because I knew she couldn't keep her mouth shut. I may have let it slip about my plan and I knew she would betray me and tell him everything, which is exactly what I wanted so it wasn't exactly a betrayal. When Hamilton found me in my penthouse he easily threw me through a window, through a skylight and I landed with a thud, a very painful thud on the floor of the lobby. Okay, so far the fight wasn't off to such a great start. I accused Harmony of betrayal and sent her on her way with a letter of recommendation. I wanted to be alone with my replacement liaison to the senior partners. I hit him in the chest as hard as I could and it didn't even faze him and I knew I was in trouble. He returned the punch and I went flying up the stairs and landed hard into a wall. This continued on for a while, Hamilton punching me, me landing into a wall, desk or a pillar, until I saw him standing over me with a stake. I saw my life flash before my eyes, Cordy, Connor, Fred, Wesley, Gunn, Lorne, and just before the stake was plunged into my heart Hamilton went flying across the room. I looked up and saw my son standing there. He reached down and pulled me to my feet.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked him

"You drop by for a cup of coffee and the world's not ending. Yeah right." I smiled quickly and we both began trying to pulverize Hamilton. I thought that we were making some progress until he threw Connor against an elevator and he didn't get up. As I struggled to pick myself up off of the stairs I heard him mumbling about how strong he was, how strong Wolfram & Hart was, how I would never win because their power was running through his blood and it suddenly hit me how I could beat him. Reenergized I stood from my spot on the steps.

"Do you realize the one word that you shouldn't have said?" I smiled, vamped out and before he could react I leapt from the steps and sank my teeth into his neck. I had never tasted blood like this before. I could feel myself gaining power as the blood slid down my throat. I viciously ripped my teeth from his neck, leaving a nice gash, pulled a really cool vampire move and flipped backwards. "You really are full of it." I said licking my lips. I suddenly felt very powerful and I jumped down and proceeded to pummel the shit out of Hamilton. I had never hit anyone or thing so hard before in my life. I continued to punch him until I felt and heard his neck snap. I felt a thrill of confidence surge through me when it happened. Connor was slowing pulling himself to his feet when the building started to shake.

I was able to quickly convince him to go home. I wouldn't be able to fight what was coming if I had to worry about him. I shot him a loving glance and watched him hobble out of the building. I quickly followed after him but when he turned right I turned left and headed for the alley behind The Hyperion. I thought I was the first to arrive but Spike came out of the shadows and told me the baby had been returned to his parents. Gunn came next, slowly making his way up the alley. As Spike helped him sit I saw all of the blood gushing out of his abdomen and I knew he didn't have much time left. Suddenly Illyria seemed to fall out of the sky. She told us that Wesley was dead and when she said that she wished to do more violence because of her grief I would of laughed if it wasn't so sad. I heard before I saw the massive army of monsters and demons. I looked around at my remaining friends and saw all of their eyes widen in shock. We all stood.

"You take the thirty thousand on the left." Gunn said weakly

"Your fading." Illyria observed. "You won't last ten minutes."

"Then let's make them memorable." He replied

"So what's the plan?"

"We fight."

"A bit more specific?" Spike asked

"Well, personally, I want to slay the dragon." I raised my sword. "Let's go to work."

Gunn didn't even make it ten minutes. I saw him fall and not get up five minutes into the fight but Spike, Illyria and I were on fire. We were killing things like we never killed before. I was taking out my anger of losing Fred, Cordy, Wesley and Gunn on all of these monsters and I'm pretty sure that Illyria and Spike were doing the same. I have no idea how long it took us but we kicked some major demon ass and eventually the last fifty retreated. We had won.

"Are we done because I was having….?" Illyria struggled to find the correct word.

"Fun sweetheart. You were having fun." Spike supplied,

"Yes fun. I was having fun. I would like to continue to have this fun."

"Go on then. There are lots of bad things out there to have fun with but remember only have fun with bad demons." Spike told her. She gave us a tentative smile and jogged off. I wondered if I would ever see her again.

"Good work Spike." I said stretching my hand out. He slowly reached out and took and we shook.

"You weren't so bad yourself mate." We stood in silence taking in the carnage around us. "I need a drink." He announced.

"Are you sticking around?"

"I don't know. Maybe, maybe not." He grinned and walked away from me.

"Spike." I yelled. He stopped and turned to face me. "Thanks. I couldn't have done it without you." He nodded and ran off into the night.

I slowly made my way into my old home, The Hyperion. I had multiple stab wounds, some pretty damn deep. I could hardly move by the time I collapsed on the couch in the lobby. I had just closed my eyes when I felt her hand touch my cheek. I slowly opened my eyes and smiled at her.

"Wes and Gunn didn't make it." I told her sadly.

"I know."

"Connor showed up and helped me fight Hamilton."

"I know."

"Of course you do. You're my seer." She smiled softly at me, reached out and cupped my cheek.

"You did it Angel."

"No Cordelia we did it. You, me, Fred, Wes, Gunn, Spike and Illyria, we all did it." I watched as tears fell from her eyes. I wiped them away with my thumb.

"Cor?"

"It's time Angel." I just stared at her.

"No." I mumbled, tears filling my eyes.

"My time with you is up."

**Please review with your thoughts**


	9. Chapter 9

**I own none of the characters of Angel**

"I'm so sorry." Cordy whispered reaching out and cupping my cheek with her palm, her own tears flowing freely down her cheeks. I reached up and linked my hand with hers.

"You can't go. I've lost everyone else today, I can't lose you as well."

"If I could I would stay but it's not my choice. I can't stay."

"Fight harder Dammit."

"I've been fighting Angel but its not working. I can feel myself growing weaker." Groaning through the pain, I pulled her tightly into my arms.

"I'm not letting you go." I said stubbornly through my tears.

"Angel you can't stop it. It's happening."

"No Dammit."

"My heart is slowing."

"Cordy…please."

"I love you Angel. I'll love you forever. You have made me so happy."

"Cordelia…." I sobbed. "I…love…you…too…so…much." She leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine. My lips automatically returned her kiss. We kissed slowly and softly, placing all of our feelings into our last touch. I cried out when she broke our kiss.

"Keep on fighting the good fight." I stared at her desperately. "I'll be seeing you champ." Before I could respond she disappeared from my arms and my cell phone rang. Without thinking I reached into my pocket and answered it.

"Mr. Angel this is Lakeview Hospital. I'm calling to inform you that Miss. Chase just passed away." The voice on the other end told me. Before hanging up I mumbled something about making arrangements, honestly though I couldn't recall what I actually said. I slowly pulled myself off of the couch, my wounds from the fight were still painful, and I wondered through the hotel for hours, calling for her, hoping that she would come back to me but she never did. The hotel remained silent, like a tomb. As I made my way into my office after my final round through the hotel I felt rage slowly filling my body, starting in my toes until it reached my brain. I had never felt such a powerful rage before.

"GOD DAMMIT. SON OF A BITCH." I yelled into the empty office. I flipped my desk over and began kicking it until it was a pile of splinters. Once that was sufficiently destroyed my rage was still present and boiling so I went out to the lobby broke the couch in half, threw the tiny round couch threw the wall but it still wasn't enough so I went to the basement and continued my destruction. Anything that was in my path was eligible to be destroyed.

"Why?" I shouted as I pounded my fist into the cement wall, ignoring the pain that shot through my hand with every punch but I wasn't stopping. "Why did you let her die?" I could feel my abdominal wounds tearing with every punch but I was making progress. There was the start of a small hole in the wall. "I need her. She didn't deserve to die." I switched hands because my right arm was becoming tired. "How the hell am I supposed to fight without her visions, without my friends?" I screamed through my tears. "You are supposed to be The Powers That Fucking Be. You knew what was going to happen. You should have sent Cordy a vision and they all could have lived." Now both of my arms were exhausted so I began kicking the wall like a spoiled child during a temper-tantrum. "I hope you know that I am DONE working for you. Do you hear me? I am DONE." I collapsed on the floor too exhausted to continue. " You could have saved them. "I moaned through my sobs. "Cordy." I mumbled over and over until I fell asleep, hoping the whole time that my wounds would bleed out and I would die.

Unfortunately, I woke up the next morning still breathing, so to speak. My wounds had stopped bleeding but my entire body hurt and I think I may have broken my hand when I pounded it into the cement wall, something that unfortunately would be healed by the end of the day. I wanted to be in pain and hurt. I wanted the physical reminder that I failed. I may have saved the world but I failed those that mattered to me. My friends counted on me and I let them down, I let them die. I slowly made my way upstairs to my old room. It was exactly as I had left it months ago, cold and empty. Grabbing my sketchpad I collapsed on the nearest chair and I began to sketch my friends who had given their lives for the world. I had hoped that the sketching would help ease the pain that was weighing heavily on my shoulders but it didn't. It just made things worse. There were tearstains on every sketch that I drew. I tossed the sketchpad across the room in frustration and climbed into my bed. I had no one in the world left that cared whether or not I ever got out of bed again.

--

"Angel come on wake up." I heard the voice but I couldn't make my eyes open. "It's time to wake up." I figured that I must have been hallucinating due to hunger because I hadn't had anything to eat in days because the voice I heard was Wesley's.

"Come back to us man." Okay that was Gunn.

"He is moving and his eyes are fluttering. He should be awake anytime now." Now it was official because I recognized that Texas accent as Fred's but she was dead, as was Wes and Gunn. I needed to wake up and get some blood into my system so I could stop these hallucinations. I tried to open my eyes but they were so heavy, I couldn't do it.

"Keep trying to open your eyes Angel. That's all you need to do to come back to us." I heard Wesley tell me. What the hell was my hallucination talking about, coming back? I was in my damned room trying to sleep. I continued to struggle for the next few minutes to open my eyes so I could confront my damn hallucination then I could live the rest of my eternal life in peace and quiet.

I finally managed to open my eyes for a split second before they forced themselves closed again. For the second they were open I saw Wes, Gunn Lorne and Fred standing next to my bed. As I tried to open my eyes again I figured out why I was seeing them. The stupid powers sent them back to me to tell me to get off my ass and get back to work but when I managed to get my eyes open they were in for a rude awakening. They lost an employee when they let my friends die. Instead of agreeing to work for them again I'm going to tell them to go screw themselves. Again, I managed to get my eyes open and this time they stayed open. I looked at the eyes of my concerned friends or the images of them.

"Thank God. How do you feel?" Wesley asked me.

"This isn't going to work." I mumbled. "You can tell The Powers to go and fuck themselves. I'm done working for them."

"What are you talking about?" Gunn asked.

"Don't play dumb with me."

"Angel you've suffered a massive head injury. You're confused."

"Head injury? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Don't you remember what happened?"

"Of course I remember. Big giant apocalypse and all of you die except for Fred who was killed earlier by Illyria."

"You aren't making any sense. None of that happened and we aren't dead." Gunn told me.

"Quit patronizing me. I know that you are hallucinations sent to me by The Powers. You can go and tell them that this little intervention isn't going to work. I'm done. I quit." I shouted. I sat up and a pain shot through my head and I quickly fell back onto my pillow. I couldn't understand why the hell my head hurt so damn bad. I have done nothing but lay in bed for days. It didn't make sense. What the hell happened to me?

"Angel look at me." Wesley demanded. "There was no apocalypse. We didn't die. We are all alive and well. All of us." He stepped to the side and Cordy stepped up to my bed.

"Cordy…you're alive." I closed my eyes and shook my head. This couldn't be happening again. I opened my eyes and looked as Wes.

"Can you see her?" He nodded. "No this isn't right. She was in a coma and then a few days ago she died on the same day as you guys."

"Don't you remember what happened?" Fred asked me.

"I told you what happened." I answered, looking at Cordy. The look on her face told me that she knew what I was talking about but I didn't understand why she wasn't speaking up.

"No Angel. That's not what happened. Do you remember that Cordelia was taken over by a higher being so it could give birth to itself?"

"Of course I remember. That's what started this whole nightmare. Jasmine had complete control over all of us and when we finally destroyed her or when Connor did Wolfram & Hart offered us their office."

"Jasmine?" Gunn said

"Wolfram & Hart?" Fred said.

"Now listen Angel, Cordelia never gave birth. You stopped it."

"I did?"

"She was in labor when you arrived and you terminated the pregnancy. The force of the termination was so powerful that it sent you flying across the room, out the window and when you landed you hit your head on a parking meter, actually when you hit it you broke it in half. Anyways, you hit the meter so hard you ended up in a coma." This was making no sense. The Powers were screwing with me.

"I didn't save Cordy. I didn't get to her in time. She was in a coma; we went to work at Wolfram & Hart. Spike worked with us. He had a soul. Harmony was my secretary. Fred was killed by the demon Illyria who took over her body. We figured out who was in The Circle of the Black Thorn and we killed them. Wes, you died in the process. The senior partners sent every demon they could at us and Gunn, because you were injured you died five minutes into the fight and Cordy died after the fight. She never woke up from her coma."

"It was probably a dream Angel." Lorne told me and I blew up.

"It wasn't a damned dream. It really happened. I was there." I yelled.

"It was a vision." Cordy spoke up. "The Powers sent you a vision while you were unconscious. I saw it too."

"A vision?" Wesley asked.

"They sent this vision to Angel so he could find out where the real power was and the only way to find this out was for him to live it as if it really happened. Hitting his head was the perfect opportunity to give him the information he needed."

"This is crazy." I muttered.

"Can I speak to Angel alone please?" My dead friends nodded and left the room. As soon as the door was closed and we were alone Cordy sat next to me on my bed and took my hand but I pulled away from her. "Don't be like this." She said

"Be like what? I think I'm going insane. I don't know what to believe. I can remember Jasmine being born and everything that happened. I remember Connor trying to kill you. I remember going to work for that damn law firm. I remember you in a coma, coming to me as a ghost. I remember Fred dying. I remember my friends dying to save the world and I remember…you…dying." I had to take a minute to regain control of my emotions. "And now your telling me that none of it actually happened, that is was all a stupid vision. I have no idea what to think, what to believe. What's real?"

She reached out and turned my face towards hers. "It's all real. You were in a coma. I was in a coma and we both got sent the same vision. I was there and lived it with you."

"Why? I don't understand."

"The Circle. The only way for you to find out who the members were was to live the vision out in an alternate universe."

"Why did I have to watch everyone die in this alternate universe? Besides making me miserable, what the hell was the point of watching everyone die?"

"So you know what not to do when we take them on. Illyria will still be brought forth but not through Fred. You can find her and get her on our team. We have all of the information needed to stop the apocalypse and we can do it together before The Senior Partners know what hit them and this time, no one has to die."

"How do I know that this isn't a vision?"

"You really don't. You'll have to trust me. Do you trust me Angel?"

"You know I do."

"Then trust me when I say that this is real. If this was a vision, which its not but if it was would it be so bad compared to the alternative?"

"It would be great because everyone is alive. You're alive." I told her tearfully.

"Wes, Fred, Gunn, they are all alive. I'm not a ghost. I'm not in a coma. I'm alive." I finally allowed her to take my hand and she placed on her chest, above her heart and I could feel her heart beating. "I'm alive Angel."

"When you died, it was horrible. I have never felt such pain or emptiness before." I choked out. "I was so alone."

"You'll never be alone again." I suddenly remembered my son.

"Connor?"

"He's okay. When I woke up I went to him and we spent hours talking. I think that I was able to make him understand what had happened to me. He knows that it wasn't me that betrayed him. He feels used but he's not angry."

"I need to see him."

"You will. He's on his way over."

"How long have we been unconscious?"

"I was out for a week and you were out for two."

"My vision went on for months."

"Time moved faster in the alternate universe."

"You said that you saw my vision with me. How much did you see?" I needed to know if she saw everything that happened between us.

"I experienced everything that you did, when you experienced it." She told me softly.

"Everything?"

"Everything." She confirmed with a knowing smile. I slowly sat up in bed and pulled her close to me.

"So you know that I love you."

"I know that you love me. Do you know that I love you?" She whispered, inching her face closer to mine.

"I do." I couldn't wait any longer. I slowly leaned forward and kissed her. She responded immediately, granting my tongue access to her mouth. I increased the intensity of the kiss when I heard her moan softly into my mouth. She ran her fingers through my hair, while I caressed her cheek and all to quickly she broke the kiss so she could breathe. "I never thought that I would get to do that again." I whispered huskily.

"Silly vampire." She smiled through her tears. "Don't you ever listen to me?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked her as I ran my fingers through her dark silky hair. I didn't want to take my hands off of her. I was afraid that if I wasn't touching her then she would disappear from my life again.

"Before I left I told you that I would be seeing you."

"I love you Cordelia Chase." She gently wiped away the few solitary tears that were still falling from my eyes with her thumb. I grabbed her hand, brought it to my lips and kissed her fingers.

"I love you too my sweet vampire and I'm never going to leave you again."

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

"So what's the status on making love?"

"Can't happen bubba. You're real. I'm real and if I recall I made you perfectly happy several times." I had to laugh.

"Oh you did baby. You really did. Did I make you happy?" I asked her softly.

"More then you'll ever know Angel." I smiled softly. Placing my hand on the back of her neck I brought her face to mine.

"Thank you for coming back to me."

"Always. You're stuck with me." I closed the distance and we shared a gentle kiss until our friends rudely interrupted us.

"We leave the room for thirty minutes and this is what happens. Good thing we came back when we did or we may have had to stake Angelus." Gunn quipped.

"Ha. Ha." Cordy said, sticking her tongue out.

"We were just finishing the conversation that we never got to have at the beginning of the summer." I said taking Cordy's hand.

"It's about damn time." Fred said.

"Way past time." I murmured staring at Cordelia.

"Connor's here." Lorne told me.

"I have to see him." I started to pull myself out of bed.

"Maybe you should let him come up here so you can rest."

"No, I'm tired of resting." When I stood I was slightly wobbly but I guess that was normal since I have been on my back for two weeks.

"Are you okay?" A concerned Cordy asked.

"I'm fine." She stared at me. "Really I'm fine." I assured her.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, I need to talk to him alone." She nodded and I felt her eyes on my back as I walked down the hall to my office.

Walking in my office I saw my son slouching on a chair, arms across his chest. Everyone says that he looks like me but I can see Darla in him.

"You're awake." He muttered.

"I'm awake." I responded sitting across from him. "I was hoping that we could talk."

" There is nothing to talk about. Cordy all ready explained everything to me. I know that I was being used to help destroy the world and I'm over it."

"Are you really?" He nodded. "Okay good because I don't want to talk evil Cordelia."

"Then what the hell do you want to talk about?"

"Us." He just stared at me. "Look Connor while I was unconscious The Powers took me on a brain tour of a possible future. In this future I had made a deal with Wolfram & Hart to give you a new life and family. You had memories of a childhood with them and no memories of me. You were happy."

"Why are you telling me this?"

I'm telling you this because I didn't like the future. You are my son Connor, the only child that I will ever have. Contrary to what you believe I am a good person. I'm the first to admit that once a long time ago, a very very long time ago I was a horrible, evil vampire but I'm not the same man I once was."

"You're not a man, you're a vampire." Connor mumbled.

"You're right Connor I am a vampire but I'm a vampire with a soul trying to atone for all of my past sins. We got off to a bad start and I would like to start over and get to know each other."

"I don't want a father."

"It doesn't have to be as father and son. Let's get to know each other as friends and maybe one day we can have that father and son relationship."

"I wouldn't count on it."

"I won't." He smiled at my comment. "So what do you say? Can we start over?"

After a few minutes of contemplating Connor finally answered me. "I guess we could do that but I'm not promising anything."

"Good because I'm not promising anything either."

"Fine."

"Fine." I sent him a grin and got a small smile in return. "Before we start over there is something you should know."

"You and Cordy?"

"Yeah. Cordy and I are together. How did you know?"

"She told me how she felt about you when we had the it wasn't me that led you on, it was something evil talk."

"Are you okay with it?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"No you really don't."

"Whatever then." Shaking my head I held out my hand and he just stared at it.

"I'm Angel."

"I know who you are."

"Connor we're starting over and I'm introducing myself. So let's try it again. I'm Angel."

"I'm Connor."

"Now we shake hands." My son gave me a look like I was crazy but he did it anyway. I knew that I would remember this moment for the rest of my life. Hopefully this was the start of a brand new relationship for us.

--

After hours of talking with my friends and sharing most of what I had experienced during my coma vision we started to sketch out a plan. After a late dinner of Chinese food for my friends and Connor, and blood for me they all headed to their own room or home. Connor stood around awkwardly until Cordy nudged me in the side, very hard I might add and I offered him his old room back which he gratefully look. According to Gunn Connor had been living on the street since I destroyed what should have been Jasmine. Once he went to his room Cordy and I were left alone in the lobby.

"Where are you planning on sleeping tonight?" I asked her.

"Next to you."

"I was hoping you would say that." Ginning, I scooped her up into my arms and carried her to what I hoped would be referred to as our room. As soon as her feet hit the floor she stripped out of everything but her underwear, walked over to my closet, grabbed one of my shirts and slid it over her body. "That's not a nightgown." I weakly protested while my eyes roamed over her body. She looked a hell of a lot better in it then I ever did.

"It is now." She told me coyly as she climbed under the blankets on my bed. I quickly discarded all of my clothes except my boxers and climbed into the bed next to her.

"You do realize that this is pure torture don't you?" I murmured as I placed kisses on her neck. "Being so close to you yet unable to make love to you…pure torture."

"I could sleep in another room to remove temptation," She giggled as my hand grazed her breast.

"The hell you will." I groaned. "My memories will have to suffice." She grinned and pulled me in for a kiss.

While Cordy slept with her head on my chest I stayed awake watching her sleep. I still was questioning what was happening to me. My supposed vision seemed so real to me but lying here with Cordy in my arms seemed just as real and this time everyone could see her. I wasn't a vision expert but what good would a visit to the past be if I had all of the information about the future? It seemed pointless to me so maybe this, right here, right now was real. The Powers That Be gave Cordy and I our second chance to love each other.

_**Surprised? Hope you like this resolution. Please review with your thoughts. **_

_**Sadly I just read that Andy Hallet – Lorne- passed away at age 33 from heart disease so I am dedicating this chapter to him. **_


	10. Chapter 10

**I own none of the characters of Angel.**

Over the next few months we put a plan together to destroy The Circle of the Black Thorn and Wolfram & Hart. Wesley was researching The Senior Partners to see if they were capable of being destroyed and if so what was the best way to do it. So far he seemed to think that they were destroyable which was good news. We have been staking out Wolfram and Hart since I woke up, waiting for Illyria to make an appearance. Cordy seemed pretty certain that Illyria would still be brought from the deep well so we waited every night for her to show. If things went according to my coma vision when she was resurrected she would bolt from Wolfram & Hart and when she did we would grab her.

"So this demon thing will help us?" Connor asked me. It was our night to do the stake out.

"Illyria and yes she will help us. In my vision Fred was killed so Illyria could live and she ended up being a great asset to our team when we brought down The Circle."

"Maybe she just helped because it was Fred."

"The only thing about Fred that remained was her looks. Illyria looked just like Fred but that's it. Her thoughts, her actions, were all Illyria so it had nothing to do with Fred. My only concern is Illyria developed a connection with Wesley, which I believe was a big reason why she chose to help us. If we can't duplicate that bond she may not help us." I told him.

"Will you be able to duplicate that bond?"

"I hope so. I have all of the information from my vision that I have passed on to Wesley so hopefully he'll be able to duplicate the bond."

"And if he can't?" I glared at my son.

"Always the positive one aren't you?"

"Just being realistic."

"Well I guess that we'll just deal with it when it happens." We sat in stubborn silence for a few minutes.

"What was it like, your vision?" He finally asked me.

"Now that I'm back in my normal life it was really weird but while I was living my vision it was normal. I was miserable. The two most important people in my life were gone. You had another life with no memories of me and Cordy was in a coma. Even though I still had my friends I felt so alone. During my vision when the powers brought Cordy back to me some of my loneliness disappeared. Finally I was at a good point in my vision and then everyone died."

"It must have been bad."

"I don't ever remember feeling so much pain and grief before, something that I never want to feel again. No one should have to feel that kind of pain."

"I'm sorry dad." I had to bite back my smile. This is first time that he has called me dad since I woke up from my coma.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Connor."

"Yeah I do. I tried to kill you a few times. I sank you to the bottom of the ocean for three months for crying out loud and I slept with the woman you love."

"Yeah Connor you did try to kill me a few times and yes you did sink me to the bottom of the ocean and I forgive you for that but as far as sleeping with Cordelia, there is nothing to forgive Connor. First of all it wasn't Cordelia that you had sex with, it was an evil being using you to help bring a vessel of evil into the world to destroy it. You're a man and you reacted as any man would when a beautiful woman is putting the moves on you. It's in the past so let's leave it there okay?'

"Okay. Thanks dad."

"No problem son." Suddenly I saw movement from outside of Wolfram & Hart's building. I immediately recognized the outfit. "Connor, it's her." He started to get out of the car but I reached out and stopped him. "She has to be dealt with carefully. I'll let you know if I need you." He nodded and I stepped out of the car. I slowly approached the new Illyria and I was shocked to see the face of Eve, my former vision liaison to The Senior Partners.

"Illyria."

"Who are you to approach me?"

"My name is Angel and I'm a friend."

"I am Illyria. I don't have friends. I have people who serve me."

"You're going to your kingdom aren't you?"

"How do you know that?"

"This is going to sound crazy but we've been through this before. You're kingdom is gone. It's been destroyed."

"You do not speak the truth."

"I know what I'm talking about."

"Stupid low life human." She replied giving me a shove that sent me flying into my car.

"Oww." I groaned pulling myself up off the ground and climbing into the car.

"That went well." Connor smirked.

"Shut up." I muttered. I drove to her former kingdom and we got out and waited for Illyria to come back out. About twenty minutes later she was walking towards us.

"How did you know?" She asked me

"I've told you, we've done this before."

"I find that impossible."

"So do I but it's true. I also know that your shell isn't strong enough to hold all of your power and if you don't let my friends and I help you, you will die."

"I believe you." She admitted. I guess since I told her about her kingdom and I was right I gained her confidence.

"Will you let us help you?" She nodded. I breathed a sigh of relief as we walked to our car. I had another key player in my plan to destroy The Circle.

--

"Are you sure you have to go?" Cordy asked me. I pulled her to my chest and kissed her deeply. These last few months with Cordy since I have been out of my coma have been amazing. My only regret is that we are unable to make love but I wouldn't trade our kisses for anything in the world.

"Yeah Cor, I have to go." I was driving to Sunnydale when the sun set to help Buffy in the upcoming fight and then ask Spike to come up here and help me. "We need him Cordelia. We can't when this fight without him."

"You have me. Couldn't I replace him?"

"I love that you want to help but Spike barely made it out in my vision so no offense baby but you wouldn't survive and I'm not willing to risk you." She wrapped her arms around my neck.

"You won't let me go with you will you?"

"No way in hell. We will be destroying the Hellmouth. It's going to be dangerous."

"I know. That's why I wish you wouldn't go."

"If I don't go then Spike will die and be trapped in the amulet and then we might lose him forever. I can't take that risk."

"I love you. I love you for saving the world and protecting me."

"I love you too."

"When are you leaving?" I glanced at my watch.

"About an hour." Grinning wickedly she pushed me back onto our bed and climbed on top of me. Even though we couldn't make love we were able to happily partake in lots of oral sex. Oral sex with Cordelia made me happy but not perfectly happily. The only way I could be perfectly happy was if I was inside of her, which unfortunately would never happen again.

Two wonderful hours later Connor and I were on our way to Sunnydale. Connor knew that when Cordy was concerned I was rarely on time because if I could I would spend hours in bed with her and the possibility, though a small one, of me dying was present so we made sure we had an extra special goodbye and thankfully my son waited patiently in the lobby until I came down.

"I can't wait to meet the ex girlfriend." Connor said smugly.

"This isn't a social call Connor. We're going to help and convince Spike to come back and help us."

"Come on dad, aren't you even a little bit excited to see your former woman?"

"Now Connor, I'm not. What Buffy and I had was a long time ago. I'm in love with Cordelia."

"Wow, I wish I had your problems." He smarted.

"No Connor you don't." I said softly. My son has no idea of the weight that I carry on my shoulders everyday. The guilt I feel over all of the people that I had killed, the lives that I couldn't save, it flows through my veins like blood. The fear that I live with every day that my love for my friends, Connor and Cordelia will one day kill them is sometimes to much to bear. Connor really has no idea what my problems are.

"So this Spike vamp is he good or bad?"

"Spike is an ass." I replied.

"You didn't answer my question."

"Technically, he is good but that is up for debate. He had a microchip implanted in what I'm assuming is he brain, although I surprised that he has one."

"Dad."

"Anyway this microchip keeps him from being evil and he has a soul." I said bitterly.

" I thought that you were the vampire with a soul."

"So did I."

"Did you make him?"

"No I sired Dru who sired Spike."

"So you're like his grandfather?"

"Yeah, something like that." I sent a glance to my son. He clearly wanted to chat some more about my past but I wasn't in the mood. "Look why don't you get some sleep it's going to be a long night." I suggested.

"I'm not tired."

"Must you fight me on everything?'

"Fine." He huffed. He crossed his arms over his chest, closed his eyes and laid his head back against the seat and in five minutes he was snoring softly. I spent the remainder of the trip enjoying the silence.

--

"Angel what are you doing here?" Buffy asked, shock evident in her voice.

"I'm here to help."

"Who is your sidekick?"

"I'm not a sidekick." Connor spat.

"This is my son, Connor."

"I heard that you had a son." She stared intently at Connor. "He looks like you."

"Poor kid." Spike rang in.

"Shut up Spike."

"Angel how can you help us?"

"Look I have an amulet. This amulet can help close the Hellmouth."

"Great. Thanks mate." Spike attempted to reach out and grab the amulet from my hand but I held it tightly.

"Not so fast dumb ass."

"Give me the damn amulet and let me save the world."

"Listen to me. You wear this amulet and you will die."

"How do you know that?" Buffy whispered

"I was in a coma and during that coma The Powers That Be sent me a vision. In that vision Spike you wore the amulet and were killed. You then were turned into ghost and eventually helped me destroy a group that were going to destroy the world."

"I helped you? Unlikely. That wasn't a vision, it was a dream."

"Look Spike we don't have time for this bullshit. I need your help."

"Captain forehead, the champion of the world needs my help?" He snorted.

"I can't destroy this group on my own. The rest of my team is going to help but it's not enough. We can't do it without you."

"I'm sorry I missed that last part. Can you repeat it?" I sighed irritably. He couldn't ever just make things easy.

"ENOUGH." Buffy shouted.

"Are they always like this?" Connor asked her and she nodded.

"Look we don't have time for this stupid argument. Can we do what needs to be done?" Spike and I nodded. "Good. Once we're done then you two idiots can argue until the sun comes up."

--

Hours later after we had successfully closed The Hellmouth and Spike was alive so Connor and I collapsed exhausted on the ground.

"I bet you wish that you took a nap don't you?" I shot him a glare. "Or did you take a nap when you disappeared to your room with Cordy?"

"Shut up Connor." He really was taking Cordy and my relationship really well. I slowly sat up and when I did I saw Spike and Buffy kissing and I smiled. It made me smile because she had found happiness again.

"Take a picture it will last longer." Spike commented when he caught me watching them.

"Screw you Spike." I pulled myself to my feet.

"Do you two ever stop fighting?" Connor asked.

"No." Buffy, Spike and I answered at the same time and Connor laughed.

"I'm starving." Xander announced.

"Me too." Connor piped up.

"Come on let's eat." Everyone jumped up and followed Xander but I hung back, wanting to talk to Buffy.

"Connor's a good kid." She told me when were alone.

"He's getting better."

"So I guess you know that I'm with Spike now."

"Yeah I got that when I saw you two kissing." I didn't tell her that I found out during my coma vision.

"Are you okay with that?"

"I'm not part of your life anymore Buffy. I don't have the right to an opinion."

"Maybe not, but your opinion still matters to me."

"Does he make you happy?" She nodded. "I find that hard to believe."

"He's not the same vampire that he once was Angel. He's a good man."

"If he makes you happy then I'm okay with it."

"What about you Angel, are you happy?" I was slightly nervous about telling her about Cordy because if I was honest with myself she scared me and I know she could take me down in a heartbeat.

"I am."

"Do you have someone in your life?"

"I do."

"Will you tell me about her?"

"It's Cordelia. She is my someone."

"Cordelia who?" I sent her a glare and she sighed. "Really Cordelia?"

"She's changed Buffy. She isn't the same woman that you knew in high school. She has grown into a selfless woman. She's amazing."

"You're in love with her." She accused.

"I'm in love with her."

"What makes you think that it will work with her when it didn't work for us?"

"I don't think that. She deserves so much more than what I can give her. I'm just waiting for her to figure it out and when she does I'll encourage her to leave and find what she deserves because I love her and I want her to be happy. So until that happens I'm going to enjoy what we have."

"Do you really believe that will happen, that she will get bored and leave you because I thought you said that she had changed?"

"She has changed Buffy. She won't leave because she's bored. She probably won't leave but eventually she'll want and need more then I can give her and when that happens I'll encourage her to leave me and find what she deserves."

"You think she is the one?"

"I really do." We walked in silence for a few minutes before Buffy spoke.

"I hope that doesn't happen. You deserve to be happy." I sent her a small smile. "So tell me about what's going on in L. A. and why you need Spike.

Before I could answer her question Spike joined us and I filled them both in on why I needed Spike's help. After a lot of arguing between Spike and myself and Spike and Buffy he reluctantly agreed to help only after I promised Buffy that Spike would return safely.

The ride home was pure torture. Spike and Connor really got along and they spent the entire ride home giving me a hard time. They were both lucky that we got home when we did because I was ready to throw them both out of the car.

"Is my suite ready for me?" Spike asked when we walked into the lobby

"The cage is all ready for you." Cordy answered as she walked over to me. I smiled proudly. That's my girl. I quickly kissed her.

"I want the best suite available." Spike continued on.

"Shove it Spike." I muttered. I was tired of listening to his mouth. "If you want to crash find your own damn room on the fourth or fifth floor. I'm going to grab a few hours of shut eye cause I was up working all damn night unlike some losers." I said looking right at Spike. "Let's all meet back here at four to go over final details." Everyone nodded and I headed up to my room for a long overdue shower.

"Hey are you okay?" I heard Cordy's voice from the other side of the shower curtain.

"I'm fine."

"Need some help to reach those hard to reach places?" She asked opening the curtain and poking her head in.

"I got it. I'll be done in a minute" She slowly closed the curtain and I finished my shower. After I dried off I threw on my boxers and went to my room with the intention of falling right into bed for a few hours of sleep but my plan was changed the minute I saw Cordy curled up in a chair, knees pulled up to her chest and tears falling from her eyes.

"Cordy, sweetheart, what's wrong?" I knelt on the floor next to her.

"You're going back to her aren't you?" She sobbed.

"Going back to who?" She stared at me through her tears. "Oh hell Cordy do you mean Buffy?"

"Who else would I mean?" I had only seen this vulnerable look on her face a few times before.

"Why do you think that?"

"Since you came home you haven't been acting like yourself."

"I'm exhausted and irritated. Being stuck in a car with Spike wore on my nerves. That's all. Buffy is with Spike now and I told her that I was in love with you." I placed a finger under her chin and lifted her head so she could look at me. "I'm in love with you Cordelia, only you." She pulled herself up off the chair and wrapped her arms around my desk.

"I'm sorry. I just thought that when you saw Buffy everything you felt came back you would realize that I wasn't who you wanted to be with anymore."

"It's you. It will always be you Cordy." She lifted her head off of my shoulder and pressed her lips to mine.

"I love you." She whispered softly.

"I know. I love you too." I grabbed her hand and led her over to my bed. We crawled under the blankets and she laid her head on my chest. I snaked my arm around her tightly and we both quickly fell asleep, holding each other tightly.

After my nap Cordy and I went down to the lobby and I was shocked to see Buffy sitting next to Spike. Cordy automatically reached for my hand and squeezed it tightly, staking her claim to me.

"Buffy what are you doing here?" I asked

"After you left I decided that since you helped me the least I could do was help you." I briefly considered rejecting her help but we needed all the help that we could get.

"I appreciate it."

"What, no argument?"

"Nope. Fred gather everyone up please. We start in five." I decided to send Buffy with Gunn to kill the senator and her vamp associates because that is what she does best, she kills vamps. In vision the vamps proved to be too much for Gunn so hopefully this time with Buffy's help Gunn would make it out alive.

When everyone gathered in the lobby we went over the plan in painstaking detail. I wanted everyone to know exactly what they needed to do to survive because their survival was the most important thing to me. My vision made me realize that a good, safe, happy world without my friends wasn't a good thing for me, for anyone.

"Is everyone sure about this?" Everyone nodded but Cordy. "Does everyone know what they need to do?" More nods. "When you're done we'll meet back here. Good luck." I watched my friends walk to the door. "Guys." I called and they turned around. "Thank you." I told them solemnly, hoping like hell they made it out alive. When we were alone I turned to Cordy.

"I'm coming with you."

"No you're not."

"The last time you went through this you needed help. Since Connor is otherwise engaged I'm helping you."

"All I need to do is get in Wolfram and Hart, set the explosives, say the spell and get the hell out. I can handle it." Wesley had found a potion and spell that would extract and then destroy The Senior partners.

"What about if Hamilton is there? You will need my help."

"Cordy, it's too dangerous. I'm going to be attacked the second I walk in that building. I can't risk you getting hurt."

"I want to take that risk. I sat around last time you went through this and I watched everyone that I cared for die. I'm not doing that again." She had tears in her eyes and I knew that I had to let her help.

"Okay Cordy. You and I, we'll do this together. Just promise me that you'll me careful. I love you too much to lose you."

"I'll promise as long as you promise the same thing. I feel the same way. I love you too much to lose you." We made that promise to each other with a soft kiss. When we broke apart I grabbed her hand. "Let's go."

--

"This is so not good." Cordy muttered when we walked into Wolfram and Hart. We were surrounded by demons who would take great pleasure in killing me.

"I'll deal with these assholes while you handle the other thing." I whispered. She nodded and we went to work. I began swing my sword killing anything that moved. For every demon that I killed another two showed up and they were kicking my ass. I tried not to worry about Cordy but I couldn't help it. It had been awhile since I had seen her. Finally, as a sword was plunged through my abdomen I heard her yelling for me and I knew we had to get the hell out. I pulled the sword out of my abdomen, jumped to my feet and ran for the door. I met Cordy halfway there and we linked hands and ran.

"Less then two minutes Angel." She screamed when we got outside. I picked her up and ran as fast as my vampire legs would go. We needed to be as far away from the building as we could when it exploded.

"Did you say the spell?"

"Yeah and the potion is right on top of the bomb." Before I could respond wolfram and Hart exploded and the force threw Cordy and I to the ground.

"Are you okay?" I had shielded her from the ground with my body so I was on my back and she was on top of me.

"I'm fine. Are you okay?"

"I'll live."

"Is it over?" I lifted my head and I didn't see any more demons coming after me and I saw a weird purple smoke floating above the burning rubble, which according to the books Wesley read is all that's left of The Senior Partners.

"It's over." I whispered and pulled her to my face and kissed her until a sudden pain shot through my body. It was so severe that I unconsciously pushed her off of me and rolled into a fetal position.

"Angel." I heard her scream from a distance.

"Arghhhhhhhhhh." I groaned.

Just as suddenly as the pain started it stopped and I felt a strange yet familiar beating in my chest. My heart was beating.

_**Thanks for reading and all of your great reviews Please keep them coming. (Please)**_


	11. Chapter 11

**I own none of the characters of Angel**

My heart…I felt it beating but I didn't understand why it was beating. I tried to stretch out and sit up but my whole body hurt, one of the downfalls of being human again. Oh my God, I was human again. The Powers That Be decided that I deserved to be human again, that much I got but what I didn't get was why.

"Angel are you okay? What happened?" Cordy asked rushing over to me.

"Cor…I…" I didn't know quite what to say. Maybe I was just hallucinating. Maybe I wanted a heartbeat so badly that I was imagining it. I took her hand and placed it on my chest over my heart. I watched as her eyes widened in surprise.

"You're heart…it's beating."

"It's real?" She nodded.

"Do you know what this means?"

"No I don't. I have no idea what this means. Is it permanent? Is it an effect of the spell we cast? Will it wear off in two minutes, two hours, two days? I don't know anything."

"Angel…"

"We have to go to see The Oracles."

"Is that really necessary?"

"I have to know."

"Okay, let's go." I nodded and tried to stand up.

"Cor… can you help me? Everything hurts." She giggled. "This is not funny."

"Sorry of course it's not." She bent over and with her help I managed to stand and get to the car. "Okay how do we get there?"

--

"Lower being you are here because something has changed and you have questions."

"Damn straight something has changed. I have a heartbeat."

"Yes you do."

"What does it mean?" I asked and The Oracles laughed.

"It means that you are human."

"I know that." I snapped. "What I don't know is if it is permanent?"

"Yes it is permanent. Humanity isn't a gift that The Powers give lightly."

"Why did they give me this gift?"

"It was foretold in the prophecy. You have finally done enough good, saved enough lives that you were granted humanity."

"All I did was blow up a building."

"Stupid lower being. You have done much more than that. Sure this time you just blew up a building but by doing so you saved countless lives that Wolfram & Hart would have killed all because you received an unbelievable vision. You could have chosen to blow that vision off and ignore what you saw but you took that information and you changed the future."

"It still doesn't seem like enough to merit me a heartbeat." I mumbled.

"You were given a gift. Why can't you just accept it and move on?" I didn't answer them. "When your seer turned evil and was pregnant with her evil self. We saw, The Powers That Be saw how much you loved her and yet you terminated the pregnancy knowing it could kill the woman you loved in the process. That is one of the biggest sacrifices that anyone could make."

"But she didn't die. She is alive waiting outside for me."

"But you didn't know that when you killed her baby, the baby that would have accomplished world domination had you not killed it. You saved the world when you killed that being. More recently you assisted in closing The Hellmouth, again, more lives that you helped save. Shall we spend the next few hours going over your resume?"

"I guess that's not necessary."

"The Powers had decided to give you back your humanity when you killed the evil being inside of The Seer but they didn't see you falling into the coma. When that happened the next apocalypse by the hands of The Circle of the Black Thorn and Wolfram & Hart was discovered and they decided to send you the vision so you could do one last job, which you did successfully."

"Why not Spike? He helped close The Hellmouth. He helped me destroy The Circle. He has a soul too."

"Why are you fighting against this gift?"

"I'm not fighting this. I'm just asking questions."

"There is a big difference between you and Spike. You didn't ask for a soul. It was given to you as a punishment to allow you to feel the guilt over the lives you took. You took that guilt and you turned it around into something good. You wanted to try to make amends for the lives you took and even though you knew that you could never atone for your past you tried and never gave up. Spike on the other hand had a microchip implanted into his brain to help him be good and then he asked for a soul. When you got your soul you suffered for years while Spike suffered for a few weeks. You used your soul to save lives. Spike did not. Would you like The Powers to take back your gift and give it to Spike?"

"Hell no."

"Then do you agree to accept your humanity?"

"I just…do I really deserve it?" I think that was my problem. I didn't deserve this.

"You do."

"So that's it? I'm a normal human guy?"

"Almost."

"Almost?" Of course there was a catch. There is always a catch in my life.

"You will live and die like a normal human guy as you put it."

"So what the hell is the catch? This time around if I have sex will I be turned back into a vampire?"

"Don't be ridiculous. You're humanity can never be revoked. The Powers still want you on their team but you will be rather worthless as an average human."

"Which means?"

"They have made you an anomaly of sorts. They have given you the strength of a slayer." My mouth dropped open in shock.

"So they have made me a vampire slayer? Vampire slayers are women."

"Hence the anomaly." It sounded like The Oracles were making a joke.

"Anything else I should know?"

"No. You know everything now. Do you want to remain human?"

"I do."

"Then go and be human." I was flashed outside against a wall where Cordy was waiting anxiously.

"Owww." I groaned. "I'm not sure if I'm cut out to be human. I don't remember the last time I hurt so badly. Everything hurts."

"You'll get used to it." She grinned and helped me to my feet. "So it's real?"

"Yeah it's real."

"Tell me what they said."

"I would love to but I'm starving." As if on cue my stomach growled.

"Come on my human boy. Let's feed you." Grinning we linked hands and headed to the car. "What are you hungry for?" She asked me.

"Anything that is edible." Suddenly I remembered our friends. "Have you called the hotel? Is everyone alive?" Oh God, if someone I loved had died tonight while I was becoming human I would never forgive myself.

"I called while you were with The Oracles. Everyone is fine."

"Even Connor?"

"Even Connor."

"Did you tell them about…?"

"About you becoming human?" I nodded. "No I didn't. It's not my secret to tell. I know that you'll tell them when you're ready."

Since it was the middle of the night Cordy took me to a diner that was open all night. I looked through the menu but I couldn't decide what I wanted. Besides my twenty-four hour human stint when I ate nothing but junk I hadn't had solid food in over two hundred years and the food had changed a lot since Liam ate his last bite. There was stuff on here I had never heard of.

"Cordy what should I get? What is good?"

"What I think is good you might not think is good. You'll have to make the decision on your own."

"Well maybe I'll order one of everything."

"You can't do that Angel. You'll make yourself sick and you'll never eat it all. You have the rest of your life to try all kinds of food."

"So what'll it be?" The waitress asked us.

"I'll have the bacon cheeseburger and fries."

"And you sir?"

"I'll have the steaks and eggs."

"How would you like your steak?" I knew that rare steaks tended to be bloody and I wasn't ready to deal with blood yet so I went for well done.

"Good choice." Cordy complimented once the waitress walked away. "Blood probably not the best thing for you right now." I nodded. "So tell me everything." She begged.

I spent the next few hours eating my first meal, which was so delicious that I ordered a second plate. I told Cordy everything that The Oracles told me. She asked me so many questions and if I knew the answer I gave them to her and if I didn't we both speculated on the answers.

"My stomach feels weird." I said

"You ate to much."

"I feel full; something that never happened when I was a vampire."

"I still can't believe that you are human again."

"Cordy what time does the sun rise?" She glanced at her watch.

"It's 5:30 so probably in about an hour."

"I want to see the sun rise. Can you take me somewhere so I can it rise? I want to see my first sunrise with the woman I love."

"I know the perfect place."

Thirty minutes later she had taken me to some bluffs by the ocean. Thankfully not the same bluffs that we were supposed to meet the night that Connor sunk me to the ocean. She pulled a blanket out of my trunk and spread it out on the ground. I stood on the edge of the bluffs and looked out taking in my first view of the ocean as a human being. When I saw the sun beginning to rise over the horizon I went and sat with Cordy on the blanket. She scooted between my legs and laid her head against my chest.

"Wow." I whispered as the sun lit up the sky. "It's amazing. I never thought I would see the sun rise again and here I am with you watching this."

"You deserve it Angel." I linked my hand in hers.

"What do I do now Cor? I don't have a mission, a purpose anymore? I feel lost."

"You still have a mission Angel. You're a slayer now. You're mission is to help save innocent people from vampires, practically the same thing you've been doing for years. The only difference is you are a vampire slayer now not a vampire. You're human. You can do normal human things during the day. You can swim, get a tan, see a matinee, and go to a baseball or football game. You can walk outside and get the paper or mail. There are so many things that you can do Angel. The possibilities are endless. You have the whole world at your fingertips."

"Would it make me less of a human if I admitted that I'm scared shitless?" She giggled and turned around to face me.

"Angel being scared would make you exactly what you are now, human. Humans get scared; it's what makes us human. Only vampires are brave all the time." She placed her hand on my cheek. "It's okay to be scared and it's okay to admit it."

"But what about if I lose you because I'm not the same man you fell in love with?"

"My sweet Angel. You are the same man I fell in love with. You just have a heartbeat now. You'll never lose me. I love you human or vampire."

"Promise?"

"I promise." She wiped away the lone tear that had fallen onto my cheek and pressed her lips to mine. "I love you Angel."

"I love you Cordelia." I crashed my lips to hers and kissed her hard until I had to pull away to breathe, something I hadn't done in over two hundred years. As I tried to get my breath back Cordy placed soft kisses on my neck while her fingers began unbuttoning my shirt. "Cor…we're outside."

"It's seven in the morning Angel. No one but us will be up here." She told me as she slipped my shirt off my shoulders.

"Don't we need…protection?" I asked her weakly. I hadn't had to think about protection in…forever. Liam never used anything and my former vampire self didn't need any. Now that I am human I am sure that I can conceive a child and I have to get a handle of being human myself before I could even consider being responsible for another one, especially a baby.

"I'm on the pill Angel." She pulled her shirt over her head. "No worries." She grinned at me as I slid my arms around her back, unhooked her bra, removed it and tossed it to the ground. As soon her breasts were free from their confines I placed my hands on them gently caressing them. They felt so soft, softer then I remembered from my coma vision. When I put my mouth on her nipple she groaned loudly. She threw her head back and dug her nails into my shoulders as I fervently sucked on her supple, luscious breast. "Angel…kiss me." She begged lifting my mouth away from her breast and bringing her mouth to mine.

When I broke free of our embrace I tenderly laid her back onto the blanket and removed her pants and underwear. I lifted her leg to my mouth and placed her polished toes in my mouth sucking on each of them drawing moans from her mouth. When I finished with her toes I kissed my way up her shin, her knee, her thigh until I reached her hot wet center. The second I put my tongue inside of her she bucked her hips, grinding herself into my face. She tasted so sweet and I lapped up her juices like she was an ice cream cone, savoring her sweetness. I increased the speed of my tongue until she was convulsing in pleasure.

"Angel." She gasped as I kissed my way up her belly until I found her mouth and I kissed her hard. When she tasted herself on my lips her hips arched towards mine; telling me she wanted more. "I need you inside of me NOW."

"Whatever you want sweetheart." I suddenly realized that I was still wearing my pants. "Dammit." I jumped to my feet and tried to get out of my pants, which was proving to be quite difficult because I was in such a hurry.

"Problems?" She smirked from the blanket.

"Shut up." I was jumping, trying to pull my pants off when I fell on my ass, pants and boxers down around my ankles. "Son of a bitch." I muttered and Cordy just laughed.

"Are…you…okay?" She asked between giggles and I just glared at her. She sat up on her knees and helped me from my pants. "Is your ass okay?" That sent her into another fit of laughter.

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself." I said with a smile. Dammit, her laughter was contagious. I found myself laughing along with her. It was pretty damn funny. When our laughter finally died down I took her into my arms, kissed her as I pushed her back onto the ground. I spread her legs and sheathed myself inside of her. "Dear God." I groaned. She felt so perfect I almost came right then and there but I was able to hold myself back. I moved slowly inside of her, not wanting to rush this.

"Angel…faster…please…" She begged. She wrapped her legs around my waist and I moved faster within her, watching her beautiful face the entire time, When I felt her walls tighten around me I lost all self control and I exploded inside her and she followed soon after me. Once her trembling ceased I pulled out and collapsed next to her. Cordy placed her head on my chest, her ear right above my new heart, which was still pounding.

"Cordy that was…"I was trying to think of the right word to describe this wonderful experience. "Different." She lifted her head and glared at me. Guess I picked the wrong word. "Not different in a bad way." I quickly explained.

"Okay different how?" She conceded.

"It was wonderful, amazing, spectacular, just like it was when I had my vision but it felt different. It was like I could feel things more intently. Your body felt softer, your lips too. You tasted sweeter and when I was inside of you…my God…it felt so right…so perfect, more so than last time."

"It's because you're human Angel and you are feeling things more intensely now because of that." I pulled her up on my chest and kissed her deeply.

"That was without a doubt the best sex that I have ever had." I told her when we broke apart.

"And it will just get better."

"I can't imagine that."

"Get to imagining buddy." She said with a grin. "You know it was different for me too."

"Really? How?"

"Before during our vision sex you were always so cold. I felt like I was doing an ice-cube but today you were so warm."

"Jesus Cor, you should have said something."

"I wanted to be with you so badly that the cold didn't matter and besides I was able to work up a sweat pretty quickly." She pulled herself up from my chest.

"Come back." I whined, reaching out for her.

"We really should get dressed. People will probably be coming around here soon and you are so damn pale I don't want to risk any of your special parts getting sunburned."

"Good point." We both quickly rose to our feet and put our clothes back on. I had just zipped up my pants when an older couple came around the bend. Even though I was dressed, except for my shoes and socks, I still turned red, something I never did as a vampire. "Cordy is there an easy way to get down to the ocean? I want to walk on the beach."

"Sure there is. We can drive."

"Such a smart ass." We climbed into the car and drove down to the beach. I closed my eyes, laid my head on the back of my seat and enjoyed the sun beating down on my face and the wind on my face. I didn't open my eyes until the car stopped and was turned off. We got out of the car, linked hands and began our walk on the beach.

"I'm sure that Wesley has connections to get you a birth certificate and a social security card but to do that you're going to need a last name. You can't go around with just one name. Only singers can get away with that and trust me baby, you can't sing." I shot her a glare and she just laughed. "Okay so what was Liam's last name? You can have his last name again." I shook my head.

"I don't want that last name. I am not Liam anymore. I haven't been Liam in a very long time. Liam was not a good guy and I don't want to be reminded of who I used to be and what I've done every time I hear that name."

" I understand. It was just a suggestion." We spent the next thirty minutes arguing over possible last names. She hated everything that I threw out there and I hated everything that she suggested. "You are hopeless." She said in an exasperated tone. We walked in silence for a few minutes until the perfect last name hit me.

"Doyle." I said.

"What about him?"

"Doyle was a good man who showed me what my mission was. It's because of him I am standing here today, out in the sunlight with you. I want to continue to honor Doyle and one way I can that is by carrying his last name."

"Angel Doyle. I think that it's perfect." She said with a tearful smile. I stopped walking and turned her to face me.

"Cordelia, I'm also here because of you too. I am so lucky to have you in my life, to be loved by you. I continued fighting because of you and you're faith in me."

"Angel I feel the same way about you."

"I'm mortal now. Hopefully I will be able to grow old and gray and I want to do it with you by my side."

"What are you saying Angel?" I dropped to one knee and took her hand. I knew that this is what I wanted more than anything.

"Cordelia will you marry me?" I heard her a sharp intake of her breath. "I love you more than anything and I know that I am doing this all wrong. I know that I should have a ring and flowers but I didn't plan on becoming human. I want to spend the rest of my life with you Cordy, loving you and making you happy. I want a home with a white picket fence; I want to have babies with you. I want to grow old with you and rock our grandchildren on our front porch. I want a life with you. Cordy, please will you marry me?" Through my tears I was able to discern that she was crying too. She pulled me to my feet and placed a hand on my cheek.

"My sweet sweet Angel. I couldn't imagine a more perfect proposal. The man I love asked me to marry him. It doesn't get more perfect than that."

"Is that a yes?" I asked her nervously.

"Yes Angel I will marry you. Yes a hundred million times yes." She threw her arms around my neck with such force that it knocked me into the water. I landed on my back and she was on top of me, kissing me passionately, confirming her acceptance of my proposal.

_**Thanks for reading. Please review.**_


	12. Chapter 12

**I own none of the characters of Angel**

Cordy and I have been sitting outside in my car behind The Hyperion for the past thirty minutes in silence. I was terrified to walk into the hotel as a human. What would my friends say? What would my son say? Connor hated the vampire part of me and now that it was gone would our relationship change for the better or for the worse? If he didn't have the vampire in me to hate anymore would he find another reason to hate me? How would he react to the fact that Cordy and I were going to get married and have babies? I know that he still have feelings for evil Cordy and because he is so young and inexperienced in life he is confused and I blame myself got that.

"You're thinking about Connor aren't you?" Cordy asked me quietly and I nodded. "What's going on Angel?"

"He says that he is okay with our relationship but I was a vampire and he knew because of the curse he knew we could never make love or have children. Now I'm human and we can do those things and he knows it I'm worried that he'll hate me again."

"Connor's grown up a lot in the last few months Angel. I think that instead of being angry and jealous of you he will be happy. Holtz poisoned Connor's mind against the vampire in you and now that the vampire in you is gone it will open a whole other door in your relationship."

"What about everyone else? What will they say?"

"Angel you have been working towards becoming human for over one hundred years. You have earned this gift. You deserve to be human. The people inside that hotel are your best friends, your family. They love you and they will be happy for you."

"My heart; its beating really fast." I still wasn't used to feeling it beat.

"It's because you're nervous." She grabbed my face, pulled it towards hers and she kissed me hard until I was breathless, something else I wasn't used to. "No matter what happens in there just know that you will always have me."

"Right now, that is the only thing I am sure of."

"So are we going to in the car all day or are we going to tell everyone the good news?"

"Let's do it." I opened the car door and stepped out into the bright sunlight. I closed my eyes and lifted my head so I could feel the heat on my skin until Cordy came around the car and took my hand.

"Let's go beefcake." With hands linked we slowly, okay Cordy practically had to drag me to the front door.

All of our friends were sitting in the lobby basking in the glory of destroying The Senior partners when we walked in. It didn't hit them right away that we had come in through front door and I wasn't wearing a jacket.

"Hey." Gunn mumbled.

"Where have you guys been?" Wesley asked.

"When you didn't come right home Spike got tired of waiting so he and Buffy took off and he told us to tell you to bugger off." Fred said with a smile.

"Oh my God." Lorne dropped his sea breeze and stared at me. "Is it true?" He asked and I nodded.

"Is what true?" Connor inquired.

"It's true." I spoke softly.

"Oh my God." Wesley said. It finally just hit him.

"What the hell is going on?" Gunn asked.

"Is Angelus back? Are you Angelus?" Connor said in a panicked tone.

"No son. I'm not Angelus. Angelus will never come back."

"You don't know that."

"I do. He can't come back. Angelus doesn't exist anymore."

"Wow." Fred whispered. She had figured it out.

"Somebody better tell me what is going on right now." Connor demanded.

"I'm human Connor."

"How did it happen Angel?" Wesley asked,

"Is it permanent?" Gunn asked while Connor just stared at me.

"After Wolfram & Hart blew I got this horrible pain through my body and when it finally subsided I had a heartbeat. I didn't believe it; I thought that I was hallucinating but Cordy felt it too. We went to The Oracles and they confirmed that I am in fact a normal human being." I explained.

"You're not quite normal." Cordy added.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Connor asked. I couldn't get a read on his reaction. He wasn't obviously furious but he wasn't obviously happy either.

"The powers wanted me to continue to work for them so they gave me the strength of a slayer so I can continue fighting." I explained

"So you're a vampire slayer now?" Fred asked.

"I am."

"I thought that slayers were woman." Gunn said.

"That's true. Slayers are always woman but Angel is special. He was a vampire with a soul who did good so it makes sense that The Powers That Be would choose Angel to continue the good fight as a slayer." Wesley surmised.

"How do you feel Angelcakes?" Lorne asked

"It's weird. I feel different and the same. I can't get used to the beating in my heart." Fred jumped up and gave me a hug.

"I'm so happy for you." She said.

"So where have you guys been all day?" Connor asked.

"After we saw The Oracles I was starving so we went and got something to eat. I had steak and eggs. It was really good. After breakfast I saw my first sunrise in over two hundred years and then we walked on the beach." I squeezed Cordy's hand as I recalled the other activity that we partook in. something that I wanted to keep private.

"What are you going to do now?" Gunn asked

"I'm going to be a slayer. I was given a wonderful gift to continue to fight the good fight and that's what I'm going to do." I told my friends. "I don't know how to do anything else." I added softly.

"Are you going to change your name?" Fred asked me

"No. I've been Angel for a very long time and I've become accustomed to that name. Since I'm human I want to honor a dear friend who died a hero so I've chosen the last name of Doyle." My friends nodded their approval. "Wes, Cordy told me that you might be able to get me a birth certificate and social security card so I could function in the world as a normal human and do normal human things."

"I have a source. I can get you what you need." Wes told me. "But I'm curious, what human activity do you want to do that requires a birth certificate?"

Cordy and I looked at each other and grinned before I answered them. "I asked Cordy to marry me and she agreed to become my wife." Everyone came over and congratulated us with hugs and words, everyone but Connor who slipped out the back into the garden. Cordy started to follow after him but I reached out and stopped her.

"Let me." She nodded and I followed my son out into the garden. I saw him sitting on the bench staring out in front of him. "This is weird." Connor shot me a sideways glance. "Yep. It's pretty weird that I'm standing outside in the middle of the day and not bursting into flames." I continued and Connor just rolled his eyes. "Can I sit?"

"It's your hotel. I can't stop you from sitting." I sighed and sat down next to him.

"Nice day we're having huh?"

"What do you want dad?"

"So much for the small talk." I mumbled. "Okay fine. I thought that you were okay with me and Cordy's relationship."

"I thought that I was."

"What changed it?" He was silent. "Connor come on, talk to me."

"I think I'm okay with you and Cordy getting married. You two make each other happy. I never did that. It was never me she wanted. It's always been you."

"I'm sorry son. Cordy does love you but not in a romantic way. She loves you like a mother loves a child."

"What I don't get is how can you be all right with me? I slept with the woman you love. I tried to kill you and because of me the world was almost destroyed." My heart ached for my son and all of the guilt he was carrying. I placed my hand on his shoulder.

"What happened last year was not your fault Connor. Cordy was taken over by an evil higher power and that's who you slept with. Now secondly the world was not almost destroyed because of you. It was almost destroyed because of the evil being that took over Cordy's body not you. None of what happened was your fault. That thing just used you as a vessel." Connor stood up and walked away from me but I followed him.

"I'm so tired of being used Dad. Holtz and Justine used my love for him to kill you. That evil thing used me. That first girl I met when I came back used me. Everyone is using me and for what? Was I born just to be used for evil?" He had tears in his eyes as he asked me that question. Placing my hands on his shoulders I turned him around to face me.

"Listen to me Connor. You were born to fight evil."

"Could have fooled me."

"There is a prophecy Connor that said the offspring of the vampire with a soul will rise to manhood and kill Sajohn. When that demon saw that he panicked. He was scared of you Connor and went to great lengths to make sure that you weren't born. My God, he sent cults and demons to kill you and your mother. He made a deal with Wolfram & Hart to give you to them. For someone to want you dead so badly that says to me that you are meant for great things son."

"Why did you let him get me?"

"Given the situation I was in letting Holtz take you was the only option for you to live. Wolfram & Hart spiked my blood with yours and you were starting to smell like food. Wes had uncovered the false prophecy that said that I would kill you so he took you from me and then Justine took you from Wes. I was able to track you down and I was surrounded. Wolfram & Hart wanted to dissect you, Sajohn wanted to kill you and Holtz wanted to raise you as his own. He was holding you and he threatened to break your neck if I tried to take you from him. Given the situation letting Holtz take and raise you was the only option I had for you to live. I figured that I would let Holtz take you and then I would track you down and get you back but he surprised us all by jumping into the portal to Courtahx," I took a deep breath. "I tried so hard to find you Connor. I really did."

"I know you did." He told me softly.

"Do you have anymore questions for me?"

"Why did she do it?"

"She who do what?"

"My mom. Why did she kill herself? Didn't she love me?" I pulled my son to my chest.

"She did love you Connor. She really did." I mumbled.

"Then why?" He asked pulling out of my embrace.

"Because she loved you. Because you are my son you have a soul and while she was pregnant you shared a soul with her. Vampires don't have souls and they can't love but that all changed with the pregnancy. She had a soul and she loved you. She also knew the second you were born and she lost that soul she would no longer be capable of loving you and she wouldn't remember loving you and she would want to kill you. She staked herself to save your life."

"I don't know what I am. Am I human or demon? I don't know where I belong."

"You're my son. That's all that matters. Demon or human it doesn't matter. You are a good man with the potential to become a great man and you belong here with me fighting for those who can't fight for themselves."

"I'm sorry dad. I'm so sorry for trying to kill you, for dumping you into the ocean, for everything. Can you ever forgive me?" I pulled Connor back into my chest and hugged him tightly.

"Already done. It's in the past and that's where it needs to stay. The only thing that matters right now is the future. Today I was given the chance to start my life over again and the most important thing that I want to start over is my relationship with you. Can we start over? I really want the chance to be your dad."

"I would like that." When he pulled away he had tears streaming down his face.

"Can I ask you something?" He nodded. "How would you feel if Cordy and I had a baby or two?"

"A baby?"

"Well I'm human now so I am assuming that I'll be able to have kids and Cordy will be a really great mom."

"Do you want kids?" He asked me.

"When I had you for those first few weeks after you were born I loved being your dad, watching you change and grow on a daily basis was the most amazing experience of my life and I hate that I only got that experience for a few weeks so yeah I want kids but only with Cordy. Do you think that I'll make a good dad?"

"Yeah dad I do."

"Thanks Connor that means a lot." We stood there staring at each for a minute before I spoke again. "One more thing, I would like for you to stand up for me at my wedding."

"What does that mean?"

"When people get married they ask someone that means a lot to them to stand up next to them at the wedding. They refer to that person as the best man or maid or honor. In your case you would be my best man. So what do you say?"

"I'll do it."

"Thank you son."

--

"I love my ring." Cordy said holding her hand above her head and letting the light in our bedroom catch it. After my talk with Connor, Cordy and I went shopping for her engagement ring. She found a simple gold ring with a square cut diamond with two smaller diamonds on either side.

"Really? I had no idea." I smarted. Ever since she got the ring her arm has been up in the air, the ring at eye level. Grinning she rolled over on top of me.

"Do you have any idea how happy you've made me?" She whispered in between pressing kisses to my neck.

"Not nearly as happy as you've made me." I responded as she moved down to kiss my chest.

"No. I'm happier."

"Are we seriously going to argue about who's made who happier?"

"We will argue about this until you concede that I'm right, that you've made me happier then I have made you." She ran her tongue around my nipple, causing me to shiver.

"Fine. You win." I ran my hands over her naked back.

"Keep this up and our marriage will be a huge success."

"A successful marriage means agreeing with everything you say?"

""You've got it." She leaned forward to kiss me but I stopped her. "Angel what's wrong?"

"I have a confession." Her eyes immediately became full of concern.

"Go on." I took a deep breath.

"I'm scared Cordelia."

"Of what?"

"I don't know how to be human and I definitely don't know how to be a husband. I've been a vampire for over two hundred years Cor. It's all I know. What about if I screw things up so royally that you end up hating me." She slowly kissed me.

"Oh Angel. I could never hate you. First of all you know how to be a human. A very long time ago you were human and you've been living among humans for years. Being human is the least of your worries. Now on the husband fear, no one getting married knows how to be a husband or a wife. I have no idea how to be a wife. It's something that we both will have to learn as we go. That's what marriage is all about Angel. We'll learn and grow together. Okay?"

"Thanks Cor."

"Now can we have sex already?" Laughing I placed my hands on her hips and flipped her over on her back.

"I love you Cordelia."

"I love you Angel Doyle." I tenderly pressed my lips to hers and I made love to her until both of our bodies were convulsing in pleasure.

"That freaking rocked." Cordy said breathlessly.

"Did you expect anything less?"

"Of course not." She curled herself into my arms and laid her head over my new heartbeat. "So when do you want to get married?"

"How about tomorrow?" I asked. I didn't want to waste another minute not being married to her.

"Are you kidding me? There is no way that I can pull together a proper wedding by tomorrow."

"A proper wedding?"

"Dress, cake, flowers, shoes."

"Are you going to make me wear a monkey suit?"

"Oh yeah. I remember how hot you looked in your monkey suit at the ballet so hell yeah, you're wearing a monkey suit and I'm wearing a real wedding gown."

"You're going to make a beautiful bride."

"Well… duh." I couldn't help but smile. Confidence was one thing that Cordy didn't lack. "Is there anything special that you want for our wedding or can I plan anything I want?"

"My only request would be that we get married outside in the garden." She thought about that for a minute.

"I love that idea." Cordelia told me with a smile.

"So how long until you can pull off a proper wedding?"

"A couple of months maybe."

"Arghh. I don't know if I can wait that long."

"If you want to marry me you'll wait that long."

"Yes ma'am."

"You're such a quick learner." I leaned down and kissed her softly. "Can I ask you something?" She asked when we broke apart.

"Of course you can."

"When you proposed you mentioned that you wanted babies. Do you really want kids or was that something you said in the heat of the moment?"

"It wasn't a heat of the moment comment I want to have babies with you. Why? Do you not want kids?"

"Oh I want kids. I want a whole houseful of kids running around."

"Have you always wanted kids?" We had never really talked about this before.

"I never really thought about having babies until Connor was born. I really liked being like a mother to him and that made me want my own or ours. I only wanted my own child if you were the father."

"But you knew that I couldn't have kids."

"That didn't matter to me. There is more than one way to have a child Angel. I only wanted to be with you, kids or no kids."

"I don't deserve you."

"No you don't." She told me and then started laughing. "Of course you deserve me and we are going to be very happy together."

"I hope so."

"Don't hope Angel. Being with you is right and perfect. We belong together. We are soul mates. We are destined to be together and those four reasons are why you don't have to hope that we will be happy. Those four reasons guarantee our happiness."

"I love you sweetheart." I whispered softly.

"I love you too Angel."

_**Thanks for reading. Please review.**_


	13. Chapter 13

**I own none of the characters of Angel**

My first few days as human were relatively exciting. There was so many new and wonderful things that I was finally able to experience. It still amazed me how much had changed since I was last human. Food was wonderful. I think that I was driving Cordy nuts with all of the food that I wanted to try. I discovered that I loved chocolate, peanut butter, especially when they were together. I loved steak, lobster, and pasta. Coffee was good, as was milk. I thoroughly enjoyed a glass of milk with most of my meals but beer was by far my favorite beverages. Beer, over the past two hundred years has definitely improved.

On my third human day we closed our office and spent the day at the ocean, something neither Connor or I had ever experienced before unless you count the one time I was in the ocean fighting that damn torture vamp over the Ring of Amura and my three month vacation I spent at the bottom of the ocean thanks to my son. I was sitting anxiously on my beach towel while Cordy rubbed sun block over my still very pale body.

"Will you sit still Dammit?" She snapped. I had been wiggling around like crazy because number one I was anxious to get into the water and secondly, Cordy rubbing her hands all over my body while wearing a bikini was really turning me own. I swear, I had become hornier since turning human. I hoped the ocean was cold.

"Sorry." I mumbled.

"If you keep this up I'm going to miss a spot and you're going to burn."

"Yea ma'am." But I was unable to comply with her request.

"God Angel. You are as bad as a kid at a candy store." I felt like one too.

"I can't help it. I'm excited."

"Chill out. The ocean isn't going anywhere." As soon as I was sufficiently lathered up to Cordy's liking I jumped up. "Not yet beefcake."

"What now?" I whined.

"You have to let the lotion dry. If you get it right now all the lotion will come off."

"Fine." I said and all of my friends laughed at me. I waited impatiently until Cordy finally gave me permission to go for it.

I linked hands with Cordy and we ran, like two kids into the waves and it was an amazing, indescribable feeling. When I first tasted the salt water in my mouth I thought that I was bleeding but I was told that it was the salt water I was tasting, not the blood. I spent the entire day in the water jumping in the waves and learning to swim which proved to be difficult with the waves but it was fun as hell. When the sun finally began to set, I finally made my out of the ocean.

"Oh no." Cordy said as I was drying off.

"What?"

"You are burnt baby." I looked at my chest and it looked red but I felt fine.

"No I'm not. I'm fine."

"Now you are but give it an hour. You'll feel it." She said knowingly.

"Nah. I'm good."

"Whatever you say."

And she was right. An hour later I was getting out of the shower in a lot of pain. My skin felt like it was stretched too tight. I could hardly move and when I looked in the mirror I looked like a freaking lobster. "Cordy." I called. When she walked in the bathroom she burst out laughing.

"Told you." She managed to get out through her laughter.

"It's not funny." I said with a grimace as I reached for my towel.

"I know. I'm sorry." She reached for my towel. "Here let me help you." She gently began drying me off. I never realized how bad a sunburn could hurt. Once I was dry she led me to our bedroom. "You'll be more comfortable if you sleep naked."

"I always sleep naked." She winked at me.

"I know. Get into bed and I'm going to get something to help you feel better." I nodded and slowly climbed into bed. She returned a few minutes later with a bottle of clear green gel and a bottle of water.

"What the hell is that?" I asked

"It's aloe. It will help." She handed me a couple of aspirin and the bottle of water.

"What's this for?"

"The aspirin will help take the burn away." Like a good child, I swallowed the pills. "Now role over." Again, I did as she asked.

"Oh shit." I said when she placed the aloe on my back. "It's so cold."

"It was in the fridge. Now stop squirming." I know she wasn't trying to be sensual but by the time she was done rubbing the aloe all over my body I was hard as a rock and sunburn or not I wanted to have sex.

"Cordy, I need you." I mumbled.

"I can see that." She said with a grin. "I would love to but we can't."

"My thighs aren't burnt. My trunks covered them. You could give me a ride." I practically begged.

"We can't. It's that time of the month." I looked blankly at her. "I'm on my period Angel."

"Oh." I mumbled.

"But…" My eyes lit up. "Maybe I could help you out." I smiled as she reached out and wrapped her hand around the bottom of my shaft and she took me in her mouth.

"Ummmm…God…" I moaned as she moved her mouth up and down my shaft, gentle scrapping her teeth against me. The things that woman could do with her mouth were amazing and she quickly put my body into orgasmic bliss. "That was amazing. You are amazing Cor." I panted.

"I know." She said smugly, leaning down to kiss me until I broke away yawning.

"My God, I'm exhausted." I complained.

"You were in the ocean all day and in the sun, both which can be exhausting. Try to sleep."

"Okay." I closed my eyes and I felt her settle next to me but not touching. I missed not having her in my arms but I knew it would hurt right now. "Cordy?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you." I mumbled sleepily.

"For what?"

"For today."

"You are so welcome."

"Love you." She kissed my cheek.

"Me too."

--

The next six months flew by. I adjusted to life as a human and vampire slayer fairly easy. Sure, things were not the same; I tended to become injured more than I ever did as a vamp; I didn't heal as quickly; I got tired; I ate when I was hungry, not always convenient when I'm fighting vampires. I also discovered that I was pretty damn strong. Not as strong as when I was vamped out but then again not many people or things were as strong as I was when I was a vampire. The strength that I was given as a slayer was about the same strength that I had when I wasn't vamped out.

Our old friend David Nabbit died suddenly and he left Cordelia, Wesley, the company and I half of his fortune, which was a ton of money; more money then I have ever seen. We made sure that Connor, Fred and Gunn were given enough money so that they would never have to worry about having money. Since David gave the company so much money we could focus on helping people because they needed it not because we had to earn money. It was a very satisfying feeling. We were able to do so much good.

Cordy and I bought a huge house in a really nice neighborhood. I wanted to stay at the hotel but Cordy didn't and I couldn't deny her what she wanted and since money was no longer an issue we could afford it. In fact we paid cash for it. The house has five bedrooms which I thought was way too many but Cordy said it wouldn't be because we were going to fill them with babies. Our new home had a huge backyard and a pool. We or I should say Cordelia ordered new furniture and a king size bed for our new home and we had a wonderful time christening the different rooms and our new furniture.

The month before our wedding Cordelia became what Fred referred to as "Bridezilla". She was irritable, cranky, and short tempered; basically down right bitchy. The caterer didn't have the right food, the flowers were wrong, and so many other things that I just tuned out. Fred told me just to nod and agree with everything that Cordy said and I would hopefully survive. The worst thing about the month prior to the wedding was the fact that Cordelia cut me off with sex. Her reasoning made no sense to me. She said that we needed something to look forward to on our wedding night. I told her that I always look forward to making love to her but she wouldn't budge so to say the least, we were both sexually frustrated but because I loved her I was willing to deal with the frustration and I was really anxious for our wedding night.

--

"Cordelia let me come home." I begged her. It was the night before our wedding and we had just finished the rehearsal for the wedding. She wanted to follow all wedding protocol including not seeing her the morning of the wedding. She didn't want to jinx anything so I wasn't allowed to see her until she was walking down the aisle.

"No way. I'm not taking any chances. Most of the time the world is against us so I'm not willing to risk our marriage. We are following every rule down to the letter." She told me with tears in her eyes. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her to my chest.

"Sweetheart how many times have we beat the world?"

"A lot." She mumbled against my chest.

"Has the world ever beaten us?" She shook her head. "So what makes you think that the world will beat us now?"

"Because I want this so badly. I want to be your wife more then anything and the way our life has been when something good is about to happen something bad happens first to ruin it." I felt her tears hit my shirt. Placing my thumb under her chin I lifted her face to mine and my heart broke when I saw the tears running down her face.

"Cordelia I promise you that I will let nothing ruin our wedding day. I will kill anyone or anything that tries to step up. We will get married tomorrow and spend the rest of our lives together. Do you understand?" She nodded and I slowly leaned forward and kissed her. "I love you." I told her when we broke apart.

"I love you too Angel, so much."

"I'll see you tomorrow sweetheart."

"I can't wait." She whispered.

We stood there holding hands, staring at each other until Connor pulled me away to take me to his house where I was spending the night. When we got to his house I grabbed my bag and tux, headed into the house and collapsed on the couch. After a few minutes Connor joined me.

"A beer to help calm your nerves?" Connor asked handing me a beer.

"I'm not nervous but I'll take the beer." Connor laughed and sat down beside me. We opened our bottles, clinked the necks and took a long swig. "Are you old enough to buy beer?"

"Dad we have no idea how old I am."

"Well technically you're about two."

"But I really don't look two do I?" I shook my head. "According to the birth certificate that Wesley got for me I'm twenty one."

"Great. I have a twenty one year old son." I mumbled and Connor just laughed.

"So are you excited?" He asked me.

"Yeah I am. We already live together so it's not like anything will change but I can't wait to call Cordelia my wife and I can't wait to be a husband."

"Do you think that it will be weird that your ex girlfriend will be at your wedding?" I left the guest list up to Cordelia because my only friends were the people that I worked with who would obviously be at the wedding. Most of the guests attending our wedding will be Cordy's family and her parent's friends. She had also invited some of our clients, friends that she had made while living in L.A. and some of her old friends from Sunnydale, Willow and her girlfriend, Xander and his girlfriend, Giles, Dawn and Buffy. As far as I knew Spike wouldn't attending mainly because he hated me and the wedding is going to be outside, not the best conditions for a vampire.

Cordy asked me if it would bother me if Buffy attended the wedding because she felt like if she invited Willow and Xander then she had to invite Buffy. She was worried that Buffy's presence would make me uncomfortable but I assured her that I would be fine with it; that Buffy and I were just friends.

"Honestly I won't be thinking about anything but Cordelia."

"But you love Buffy."

"Yeah but not in the same way I used to. She was my first love and I think that your first love never leaves you but my heart belongs to Cordelia. The love I feel for her is totally different then what I felt for Buffy. Tomorrow it's all about Cordelia. I'm not going to see anyone but Cordelia."

"I met a girl." Connor whispered and I looked at him in surprise.

"Really?" He nodded with a smile on his face. "Tell me about her."

"I met her in my GED class." Connor was taking a class so he could get his GED and then he wanted to go to college.

"And?"

"And what?"

"Her name for starters. What's she like?"

"Her name is Ashley. She's really nice. She has light brown hair and blue eyes. She has a little boy named Ryan. That's why she's in my GED class. She had to drop out of high school to have the baby."

"Have you been out?"

"Not really. We go to lunch together every day during class and I've gone to the park with her and Ryan a few times."

"Connor that is fantastic. Did you invite her to the wedding?" Another head shake. "You should call her and inviter her and Ryan to the wedding. I would really love to meet her."

"That's just weird. It may freak her out that my dad doesn't look old enough to be my dad."

"People that don't know you and I, mainly Cordy's family, we're telling them that you and I are friends. You could tell Ashley that and if and when things get more serious between you two you can tell her the truth." I told him.

"Cordy would lose it if two extra guests show up." He has also been a witness to the ravings of wedding planning Cordelia.

"I'll take care of Cordy. You call Ashley and I'll call Cordy."

"Are you sure dad?"

"Positive. Now go call her." He jumped from the couch, grabbed his cell and went to his room to make the call while I called my fiancé.

"Hey Angel." She answered.

"I miss you sweetheart." I told her. I thought that it may be a good idea to butter her up.

"I miss you too. I don't think that I'll be able to sleep without your arms around me."

"This was your idea remember?"

"I remember."

"I called to tell you that there will be two last minute guests at the wedding tomorrow." I told her, bracing myself for the repercussions.

"WHAT?" Here is comes. "You just can't go and add a couple of guest to the wedding the night before, hours before my wedding. I don't have enough food or table settings…" I took the phone away from my ear as she yelled. When I heard her quiet down I returned the phone to my ear.

"Cordelia we can squeeze in two more people. One of them is a child."

"Who are they?"

"It's a girl that Connor is interested in."

"Connor is interested in a girl?" She squealed. I quickly passed on what information Connor had given me about Ashley and Ryan. "It's too late to call the caterer tonight but I'll call them first thing in the morning and add two more settings."

"I love you Cor."

"I love you too Angel." She said through a yawn.

"Get some sleep and I'll see you tomorrow afternoon at the hotel. I'll be the extremely handsome guy in the tux waiting for you under the arch."

"And I'll be the most beautiful bride ever walking towards you in a very gorgeous dress."

"Damn right you will be. Goodnight my sweet Cordelia."

"Sleep tight Angel."

--

I was standing in the garden, very uncomfortable in my tux with my son standing next to me. The garden looked amazing. Cordelia really outdid herself. There were white chairs and flowers everywhere. It actually looked magical. I know that this was her dream wedding and as long as she was happy with it that's all that mattered to me. Connor sent me a smile as the music began to play. I looked up and saw Fred walking down the aisle. I glanced at Wes who was sitting in the front row staring at Fred and saw I look that I knew well. It was a look of a man in love. I was happy for him.

My attention turned back to the door of the hotel when the music changed. I literally lost my breath when the doors opened and my bride stepped out into the sun with her father on her arm. I have never seen anyone so beautiful before. I'm a guy so I don't know much about wedding dresses. All I know was it was white and beautiful. It was strapless and it looked satin and it was covered with pearls. Her hair was full of curls piled on top of her head encased with a tiara and a veil. I've never seen her more beautiful and I felt tears spring into my eyes as she approached me.

"Who gives this woman to this man?" The man who was marrying us asked. Cordy had decided that a priest might be slightly inappropriate since I used to be a vampire and I had a taste for nuns. Since it we lived in California, L.A. in particular, we found a non- religious man to perform our wedding.

"Her mother and I do." The minute our hands were joined the tears that were threatening fell from my eyes, as did Cordy's.

I wish I could remember what was said during the ceremony but I can't. All I could focus on was my beautiful bride in front of me. Thankfully, the ceremony was being videotaped so I could watch it later. I was so focused on Cordy that Connor had to nudge me when it was time for our vows.

"Sorry." I mumbled and a small laugh went out through the crowd. "Cordelia I have watched you grow from a selfish teenager to a selfless woman. When you came into my life I never expected to fall in love with you let alone have the honor of marrying you but I fell hard and I am so glad that I did. I can't imagine my life without you in it. I can't imagine not loving you. I promise you right now in front of friends and family that I will spend the rest of my life loving you and trying to make you as happy as you have made me. I love you Cordelia."

"Angel you have become my world." She began softly. "As you said you have watched me grow and mature into the woman that I am today, the woman that deserves your love, and it's because of you that I am who I am today. I didn't expect to fall in love with you either but it happened and I am so happy that it did. I never thought that we would be standing out here in the sunlight getting married but here we are. This is the happiest day of my life and I am promising you in front of our family and friends that I'm going to love you forever. I love you Angel." We then, with shaking hands, exchanged rings and said our I do's.

"By the power vested in me by the state of California I now pronounce you man and wife. Angel, you may now kiss your bride." With my thumb I softly wiped her tears away and then I cupped her face and brought my lips to hers. We kissed softly at first but it only took seconds until our mouths were open and we were putting more passion into our kiss. We continued to kiss until we could no longer breathe. "Ladies and gentlemen I am honored to present for the first time Mr. and Mrs. Angel Doyle." Cordy grabbed her flowers, we linked hands, our guests rose to their feet and applauded as we walked down the aisle as husband and wife into the hotel.

As soon as the door shut behind us I wrapped my arms around her waist and lifted her into the air kissing her passionately. "Hello wife." I whispered when we broke apart and she giggled.

"Hello husband. I love that."

"I love being your husband already and I love you."

"I love you my husband." We kissed again and then we went back outside to greet our guests.

The reception went by in a blur. I met so many people and I know that I'll never remember their names. Cordy and I both met Connor's friend Ashley and her son. She was a very sweet girl and Connor was really good with Ryan. I was sure that Cordelia's parents didn't like me. Whenever we spoke I received the cold shoulder from both of them but I really didn't care. I got a lot of sympathetic looks when some of the guests asked me where my parents were and I told them that they had died. I wondered what kind of looks I would have gotten if I told them that I had actually killed my entire family.

The one thing I remember very clearly about our reception was the dance. I really don't know how to dance but Cordy made me dance with her. I just remember our arms wrapped around each other, her head lying on my shoulder, and the two of us just swaying to the music, barely moving but it was a perfect beautiful moment.

Finally, close to midnight Cordy and I called it a night and left our reception, we were partied out. We were leaving for our honeymoon tomorrow afternoon so I had made reservations at a fancy hotel for the night. Check out time would coincide perfectly for us to make our flight to Italy on time.

"Angel this is beautiful." Cordy gushed when we walked into the room. I made sure that we had the honeymoon suite.

"I'm glad you like it."

"Ohh look, they gave us champagne." She rushed over to the bucket and poured us each a glass. "Let's make a toast." I nodded. "To us. To a long, a very long happy marriage full of love and happiness." We clinked our glasses and downed our champagne. "Will you help me get out of this dress?"

"Most definitely." Placing my champagne flute down I walked over to her. "It's going to take me forever to unbutton all of these buttons." The back of her dress probably had a thousand buttons.

"Silly boy. It's a trick. There's a zipper behind the buttons." I easily found the zipper and I slowly unzipped her dress and it fell to the ground. Still wearing her heels she stepped out of the dress and into the bathroom and I followed her. She had on white thigh high stockings, white lace underwear and a white lace bra.

As she began taking all of the pins out of her hair I planted soft kisses on her shoulder and neck while I ran my hands over her body. "Angel." She moaned.

"I want you now." I whispered in her ear smiling as I saw the goose bumps develop over her body. Pulling what I'm assuming to be the last pin out of her hair she turned around wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled herself up, wrapping her legs around my waist.

"I wanted to remind you I stopped taking my birth control. If you want to wait a little while before starting to try and have a baby I brought condoms." I saw a bit of sadness in her eyes when she said that.

"Do you want to start right away?" She nodded. "Good so do I. Let's get started right now." Her response was to press her lips to mine. Never breaking our kiss but keeping my eyes open I carried her over and deposited her on the bed.

I reluctantly pulled myself away from her lips and removed her heels and thigh highs. She had been complaining all night about her aching feet so I began to massage her feet. "Feel good?" She moaned in response. I began to kiss my way up her calf, to her thigh, to her panty line. In one swift movement I had her underwear off, tossed them across the room, placed her legs on my shoulders and my tongue delved into her womanhood enticing a scream of pleasure from her.

I dove my tongue deep inside of her tasting all of her sweet juices loving all of the primal sounds that she was making. At one point I glanced up and saw that she had removed her bra and she was gently caressing her breasts, running a nipple between her forefinger and thumb and I was so jealous of those hands. I wanted my hands to be the ones touching those gorgeous breasts, not hers. My desire to fondle those luscious breasts made me increase the speed of my tongue until she was gushing into my mouth. Placing her legs back on the bed I kissed my way up her naked body until our lips connected.

"Get your clothes off." She demanded. I pulled myself off of her and began to unbutton my shirt. "Hurry it up and get your sexy ass over here so I can give you a ride." Grinning I quickly removed my pants and boxers and joined my wife on the bed. I propped myself up against the pillows and smiling seductively Cordelia wrapped her arms around my neck, placed her body over my erection. "God Cordy." I groaned. She wrapped her legs around my waist, linking her ankles behind me and brought her face to mine to kiss me.

For the next hour Cordy practically sat on top of me, only moving slightly actually rocked against me. From her position on me I had perfect access to her breasts. I was able to place her breasts in my mouth and manipulate her nipples with my teeth. She locked her hands around my neck and moaned while I ran my hands up and down her back until we were both screaming and convulsing in orgasmic euphoric bliss.

"Angel…I…I…thank you." We had settled in bed, her head on my chest and my arm around her. I felt tears hit my bare chest.

"Cordy are you okay?"

"I'm more than okay."

"Then why the tears?"

"I'm happy. Because of you I am so happy. I've had the perfect day and night and it's all because of you. I still can't believe that The Powers gave us a second chance." She lifted her head up to look at me. "I promise you this Angel, I am not going to waste this second chance. I am going to spend every day that we have together loving you with everything I have inside of me." I placed my hand behind her neck and brought her face to mine and kissed her hard.

"I promise you the same thing Cordelia. I love you sweetheart, so much."

"Do you think that we made a baby tonight?" She asked with a sly smile.

"I don't know. Maybe we should try again just to be sure."

"Maybe we should." Cordy agreed. Grinning our lips descended towards each other and we made love again and again until the sun began to rise on our first official day as husband and wife.

_**Thanks for reading. Please review with your thoughts.**_


	14. Chapter 14

**I own none of the characters of Angel**

"Angel I got a vision." Cordy told me walking in my office.

"What did you see?"

"There are five vamps in a subway train attacking the passengers. They are in car C of train 54 that is leaving from the Burke Street at 5:57." I glanced at my watch and saw that it was 5:15 so I should have just enough time to get to the station before the train leaves.

"We need to leave now so we can get there on time." I stood walked around my desk and headed to the weapons cabinet, yelling for Gunn and Wes as I went.

"Hey Cor the three of us can handle this. Why don't you head on home and get ready for tonight?" We were having Connor, Ashley and Ryan over for dinner. Since the wedding Connor had been seriously dating and he was happy and Cordy and I have been making the effort to get to know Ashley and Ryan.

"Are you sure?" She asked as I took the ax out of her hand.

"Yeah. We'll be fine." I leaned forward and kissed her. "Go on."

"Be careful."

"I always am. Love you babe."

"I love you too." She quickly kissed me again and left. I gathered Gunn and Wes and we headed to the subway station to kill some vampires.

--

Cordelia and I have been married for six months and most of those six months have been perfect marital bliss. We spent two amazing weeks in Italy on our honeymoon. I had been to Italy before, when I was Angelus but I never saw the beautiful city during the day. We did all of the regular tourist things, went on tours of the city, went shopping or more accurately Cordelia went shopping and drug me with her to carry her bags. The best thing was making out on the Gondola rides we took on the canals every night which led to amazing sex.

Once we got home we returned to our daily lives things between Cordy and I just got better at least for the first month. Things never actually got bad between us but every month that went by that Cordy wasn't pregnant she was miserable for a week and every month it just got worse to the point that I was tempted to stay at the hotel when I knew she was due for her period but I knew she needed me. She was angry, she was sad, she yelled and she cried and there was nothing I could do but hold her.

Cordy was desperate to have a baby and when it didn't happen right away she made an appointment for me to have my sperm checked. After hours of arguing with her I finally relented and went to have the test done and thankfully my sperm is perfectly healthy. After my successful appointment she made an appointment for herself and her doctor told her that she was fine and she just needed to relax which didn't happen. For three months we had to have sex when her temperature was elevated or she was ovulating. Sex with Cordelia was always amazing but it kind of took some of the fun out of making love when we were only having sex to conceive a baby, not because we wanted to.

--

"Hey Cor. I'm home." I knew that something wasn't right because when I pulled into the driveway Connor's car wasn't there and he should have been here already.

I walked into the house and there were no lights on, no smell of dinner cooking, and the only sound was from the TV. When I walked into the living room and saw my sweet Cordelia lying on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket surrounded by used tissues. Right then I knew that she had gotten her period.

"I cancelled with Connor and Ashley." She mumbled tearfully.

"Cordy I'm sorry." I whispered squatting next to her.

"It's not fair." She said sitting up. "I've been impregnated twice by demons but when I really want to get pregnant I can't." She got up from the couch and ran into our room, slamming the door behind her. Sighing I stood up and followed her.

"Oh Cordelia." She was on the bed sobbing. Slipping off my shoes I crawled into bed next to her, pulled her into my arms and held her tightly while rubbing my fingers through her hair in an attempt to soothe her.

"Besides you I have never wanted anything so badly so why can't I get pregnant?" She sobbed into my chest.

"The doctor said that it could take awhile because you have been on the pill for years and Cordy you're way too stressed out about getting pregnant."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" She snapped pulling herself out of my arms glaring at me.

"Cordelia I know how badly you want you want a baby but it's all you think about."

"What is wrong with thinking about wanting a piece of you and me in the world?"

"Sweetheart there is nothing wrong with thinking about it but honestly you're doing more then thinking about it. You're obsessing about it and it's no wonder why you can't get pregnant." I told her gently but she still got pissed.

"What they hell is that supposed to mean? Are you blaming me for not getting pregnant?" She shouted at me.

"Of course not Cor."

"Then what are you trying to say?"

"The doctor said you need to relax. You are so uptight. We don't make love anymore Cordy."

"Are you crazy? What do you call what we've been doing practically every day since we got married?"

"When we first got married we made love but now we have sex with the sole purpose of getting pregnant."

"What's the difference?"

"Sex is an act; something that we have to do. Making love is about…well love; sharing our feelings towards each other with words, touches and kissing. Lately I feel like all you want me for is my sperm." With those words she burst into tears. "Dammit Cordy. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like it sounded."

"Yes…you…did." She said between sobs. "And you're…right. I just want a baby…your baby so badly."

"It will happen Cor. We just need to relax and let nature take its course." She let herself relax in my arms, crying softly.

"But what if it doesn't happen? What if I never get to be a mom?"

"There is more then one way to become a mom and if it comes down to it we can look into in vitro, adoption or surrogacy but only if we have to but I don't think that we will need those options."

"Really?"

"If we just relax and return to what it used to be like without thinking about getting pregnant I think that it will happen." She pulled herself into my lap, wrapped her arms around my neck and buried her face in my neck.

"I'm sorry Angel. I don't what has gotten into me. Do you still love me?" She mumbled and I laughed softly and wrapped my arms around her waist.

"Of course I still love you. I will always love you."

"Even if I can't give you a child?"

"Don't think like that Cordy. Think positive."

"I'll try."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

--

"Thanks." I said taking the cartons of Chinese food from the delivery guy. "Cordy dinner's ready." I hollered.

"You mean that dinner has been delivered." She said grinning as she joined me in the dining room.

"What the hell?" I asked her. She was wearing her oldest rattiest robe.

"I just want to be comfy." I rolled my eyes as she reached across the table for her carton of Lo Mien. "Since when are you the fashion police?" She asked with a grin. Something was going on with her. She seemed almost giddy.

"Not saying I am. You just never eat dinner in your robe."

"I just want to try something different. Is that okay?"

"Whatever you want babe." We ate our dinner while talking about anything and everything. Cordy and I always had such great conversations. I told her things that I have never told anyone before and she did the same with me.

"Are you ready for dessert?"

"We don't have anything for dessert."

"Oh I think we do." She came over, stood in front of me, untied her robe and slipped it from her shoulders reveling a very skimpy negligee that covered practically nothing.

"Now this is my kind of dessert." Grinning she swung her leg over mine and straddled me.

"I love you." She told me with tears in her eyes before her lips descended on mine. I wrapped one arm around her waist and I placed my other hand on the back of her neck, holding her face in place. As our kiss intensified she began to grind herself over my erection that was trapped under my pants.

"Cor…" I groaned and she increased her grinding. Gripping her waist with both hands I stood from my chair and she wrapped her legs around me. I wanted her so bad and I knew that I wouldn't be able to make it upstairs so I cleared off the Chinese cartons by pushing them to the floor, some empty, some still filled with food, something that I knew that I would pay for later but I was more then willing to accept my punishment.

"Angel you made a mess." She mumbled as I sat her on the table.

"I'll clean it up." I told her ripping my shirt off and pulling my pants down to my ankles. "Now it's time to get our dessert." As I lay her back on the dining room table I tried to gently remove her underwear but I was too impatient to get inside of her so I ripped them right off of her, pulled her to the end of the table and with a groan of delight I slid inside of her.

"Cordy." I grunted as she wrapped her legs around me and I began to thrust inside of her.

"God…Angel…" She moaned. With every powerful thrust I saw her breasts bouncing and I had the strongest desire to put my hands or mouth or both on the luscious tissue but they were barely covered by the damn black negligee that she was wearing. So to fix that problem I ripped away the flimsy material and exposed her breasts. "Angel." She gasped as my mouth attacked her nipples. "Harder…faster…please." She begged.

I placed my hands on the table, one on either side of her so I had better leverage and I did as she requested. I thrust into her harder and as fast as I could until Cordelia was screaming out my name was trembling from the force of her orgasm. As soon as she stopped quaking I was exploding inside of her.

"That was…" I was so breathless I could hardly talk. "Amazing."

"I'll second that." She said as she wearily pulled herself into a sitting position with her legs still wrapped around me. "I love you."

"Oh sweetheart I love you too."

"How about we take this upstairs to our bed for a more comfortable second helping of dessert?"

"Cordelia Doyle you're so horny."

"I'm just in a celebrating mood." I panicked for a minute. I thought that I had forgotten an important anniversary but I couldn't think of anything.

"What are we celebrating?" I asked tentatively, waiting for her to rip me a new one for forgetting something that I shouldn't have.

"I'm pregnant Angel." She whispered so softly that I barely heard her.

"Excuse me?"

"We did it Angel. We're pregnant." I placed my hand on her flat belly.

"Really?" She nodded and tears fell from her eyes.

"My period was due a couple of days ago and it never came. I tried to wait to take the test but I was too anxious and the positive sign came up right away. I didn't believe it so I took another one that was just as positive."

"We're having a baby?" Even though we had been trying for seven months for this I was still surprised.

"We're having a baby." She reaffirmed. "Are you okay with this?"

"Am I okay with this? Are you really asking me that?" She nodded. "We've been wanting this since we got married. I am absolutely fine with this. In fact I am thrilled. You're going to make a wonderful mom Cordelia."

"You're already a great dad to Connor and I know you'll be a great father to our baby."

"I love you Cordy. You make me so happy." I told her tearfully.

"I love you Angel." I lifted her off of the table, pressed my lips to hers and carried her upstairs to our room where we made love slowly and tenderly, celebrating the new life that our love created.

--

"Hmm. This is interesting." Cordy's OB Dr. Hunter said.

"Interesting good or bad?" Cordy asked anxiously. We were at her first appointment since we found out that she was pregnant. So far things have been going well for her. She wasn't having any morning sickness but she was tired. The first change that I noticed was her breasts were already getting bigger, something I rather liked and she was already gaining weight in her belly.

"Why don't you have a listen?" I watched as Dr. Hunter hit a few buttons and suddenly the room was filled with the sound of our child's heartbeat. "Do you hear that?" Cordy and I nodded. "Good. Now listen to this." I watched as she moved the microphone thing to the other side of Cordy's belly and we heard the heartbeat again.

"I don't understand. Is something wrong with our baby's heartbeat?" I asked.

"No. Both heartbeats are beating exactly as they should be."

"Both?" I managed to croak out.

"Congratulations. You're having twins."

The doctor finished her exam, answered all of our questions, scheduled our next appointment and sent us on our way. There was a smile on Cordelia's face that wasn't going anywhere. I don't think I have ever seen her so happy.

"Two babies. Twins. We're going to have two babies." Cordy was saying. "I wonder if we're going to have girls, boys or one of each. What do you want Angel?" I opened my mouth to respond but she just kept talking. "I wonder if they will be fraternal or identical. If we have two girls or two boys they don't necessarily have to be identical. They could be fraternal but identical twins would be fun too wouldn't they? Oh Angel the mall is up on the left. There is a really nice baby store in the mall. Let's stop there and look around."

"Cordelia you're barely pregnant. Isn't it a little too early to be shopping?"

"I don't want to buy anything. I just want to do some window shopping to see what our options are." I cracked a smile as I pulled into the mall. Cordy is famous for just "window shopping" and coming home with numerous bags and I knew that today would be no different.

Two and a half hours later we walked out of the baby store the proud owners of two cribs, two bassinets, two dressers, two changing tables, two high chairs, one stroller with two seats and two car seats that would be delivered in a week.

"Oh I can't wait for the baby stuff to get here." We were standing in what would be one of the twins' rooms. "I think that we should put the crib here against the wall and the dresser in front of the window." She walked through the empty room. "Or maybe the crib should go on the other wall. What do you think?"

"I think that we should wait until the stuff gets here before we make any decisions."

"Do you want to find out the sexes of the babies before they are born?" It was like I wasn't even there. She would ask me questions but not wait for my answers. "I think that we should so we could decorate the rooms accordingly and get some clothes. They have the cutest clothes for babies anymore. I can't wait to start buying our babies clothes. I wanted to breast feed because I have read that breast milk is better for the child's immune system but I don't know if I'll be able to breast feed twins. Maybe I can pump enough breast milk for both babies. That should be good enough and that way-"

"Cordy."

"You can bond with-"

"Cordelia."

"The twins by feeding-"

"Cordy." I shouted and she jumped in surprise.

"What?" I put my arm around her shoulder and led her out of the room.

"I know how excited you are and so am I but we don't have to answer all of these questions right now. We have seven months to figure every thing out." She sighed.

"You're right. I'm just so excited."

"I know one way to get rid of some of that excited energy." I told her raising my eyebrows in what I hoped was a seductive way. I reached out and began unbuttoning her shirt. "You know once these babies come we aren't going to be able to make love nearly as often as we do now." I slipped her shirt from her body and reached behind her to unclasp her blue bra. "I think that we need to do it as much as we can before they are born. What do you say?" I asked her as I lifted her into my arms and placed her on our bed.

"I concur." Grinning she pulled my shirt up over my head. "Are you still going to love me when I fat?"

"Absolutely."

"What if I don't lose all of the baby weight after they are born? Will you still love me?"

"My sweet Cordelia, I love you for who you are not what you look like. Don't get me wrong you're beautiful but that's not why I love you. I love you because you are an amazing woman. I don't care if you end up weighing 800 pounds and you grow boils all over your body I will still love you."

"Bite you're tongue mister." She said tackling me to the bed.

"Seriously Cor, no matter what I'll always love you and nothing can ever change that."

"I love you so much Angel."

"I know it." I said smugly as I pulled her down onto my chest.

--

The next few months flew by smoothly. Even though I was human I still had multiple enemies that wanted to kill me and anyone close to me so I made sure that Cordy wasn't alone. She came to work with me everyday but she was no longer fighting. She just answered the phones and did office stuff. When I went out to fight or slay vampires I always made sure that we had some slayers keeping watch over my wife and unborn children. The hovering was driving Cordy crazy but I didn't care. I wasn't taking any chances with their lives.

Cordy's pregnancy was also progressing normally. The twins were growing exactly as they should and Cordy was huge but it was all the babies. The first time I felt them kick I cried and it amazed me the she could tell what body part that I was feeling like their foot or butt. I was so jealous that she was experiencing it first hand and I couldn't. When we had the ultrasound I stared at amazement at the little girls that we had created. That's right I was going to be a father of two twin girls and honestly it scared me to death. Girls were so precious and scary at the same time and boys. God help me when they were old enough to date because I was once, a very long time ago, a teenage boy and I knew how they thought. I had no idea if I was going to be a good father to them and I think that scared me more than anything.

We were all ready for the girls to be born. Cordy had washed the thousands of clothes that we had gotten as gifts or had bought ourselves and they were all folded or hung up. Diapers had been taken out of the packages and were placed on the changing table. The only thing that we needed were the girls who were taking their sweet time. Cordy was still two weeks away from her due date but we were both so impatient and we wanted them here now. Cordy was at the uncomfortable stage of her pregnancy. Her belly was bigger then she was. She had a hard time moving around. I had to pull her out of bed or a chair. Her ankles were swollen and she couldn't fit into any of her shoes so I spent most nights massaging her poor feet.

I was in the shower one morning getting ready for work when I heard Cordy come in the bathroom. I was surprised that she had managed to get out of bed by herself. It's actually quite funny to watch her trying to roll herself out of bed. I've gotten slapped by her a couple times for laughing at her.

"Angel."

"You okay hon?"

"It's time."

"Time for what?"

"Angel my water broke."

"Holy shit." I jumped under the spray and quickly rinsed the soap off of my body. "Cordy are you okay? Are you in any pain?" I asked her as I stepped out of the shower.

"Not really. I've had a couple of contractions but nothing major."

"How long ago? Why didn't you tell me?" I was panicking. "Come on sit down." I took her hand and took her to our room and helped her sit on the bed. I threw on some clothes while keeping an eye on Cordy. "Okay babe. Let's go."

"Angel." She mumbled as I lifted her into my arms.

"It's okay. You'll be fine."

"Angel I'm not dressed." I looked down at her and realized that she was only wearing the tee shirt that she slept in last night.

"Oh right." I set her back down and found a pair of sweats and helped her get dressed. "Anything else?" She shook her head so I lifted her up again and carried her downstairs. "Are you okay?" I asked her when I reached the door.

"I'm fine." I bent down and retrieved her overnight and the diaper bag that has been packed for weeks.

"Let's go have our babies." I took her out to the garage and placed her inside of our newly purchased SUV with the car seats already installed. I buckled her in and then ran over to the driver's side and hopped in.

"Angel." She said as I started the car.

"What? Are you having a contraction?"

"Shoes dumbass. You're not wearing any." I looked down at my feet and realized she was right.

"Oh hell." I jumped out of the SUV, ran inside found my shoes. When I got back she was in the middle of a contraction. I reached for her hand and she clutched it tightly.

"Hang in there sweetheart." I begged. I hated to see her in so much pain.

"That was nothing compared to those damn visions that I used to get." She said with a weak smile.

"That's my brave girl." I sent her a wink and she wiped her tears from her face.

--

"Want some ice chips Cordy?" She nodded and I fed some to her and then I moped the sweat from her face. We had been at the hospital for five hours and at last check she was eight centimeters dilated. She was given an epidural but it didn't seem to be helping her much. "How are you doing?"

"How do you think that I'm doing?"

"Is there anything that I can do?" Before she could answer Dr. Hunter walked in.

"Cordelia can I check your progress?"

"Yes please." I helped position her legs in the stirrups.

"Are you ready to start pushing Cordelia? You're ten centimeters dilated."

"Thank God."

"Mr. Doyle why don't you go change into scrubs while we get your wife ready." I really didn't want to leave her.

"Cordy I'll be right back." I kissed her head and followed the nurse out of the room.

When I returned five minutes later there were two bassinets and multiple more nurses and doctors were in the room and Dr. Hunter was between Cordy's legs.

"Cordelia it's time to start pushing. Mr. Doyle why don't you stand next to her and hold her leg back for me?"

"Yes ma'am." I reached for Cordy's left leg and held it back. "I love you Cor."

"I love you too Angel."

"Cordelia on the next contraction I want you to push." Dr. Hunter instructed.

Thirty minutes later Cordy pushed out our oldest daughter. As soon as we heard her unhappy cry tears fell from our eyes. "Congratulations it's a girl." Dr. Hunter said holding up our tiny little girl. "Mr. Doyle would like to cut the cord?" I nodded, released Cordy's hand, took the scissors from the nurse and cut where I was instructed to. "Time to get back to work. There is still one more baby to get out."

"Don't worry sir. She'll be fine. I'm just going to clean her up so she is ready." A nurse told me.

"Ahhhhhhhh." I heard Cordy scream and I went back to her side.

"Push Cordelia." Dr. Hunter said.

"Angel I'm so tired and it hurts." She moaned.

"You're halfway done sweetie. You can do it."

"I …can't…" She sobbed.

"Cordelia you need to push." Dr. Hunter repeated and Cordy shook her head.

"Cordy listen to me." I practically shouted. "You are the strongest woman I know. You are not weak so sit your ass up and push our daughter out." Shooting me a glare she pulled herself up and pushed.

"Good job. I can see the head. Give me another good push." My beautiful wife grunted and pushed again and a minute later we heard the baby cry. "Hang in there Cordelia. Here come the shoulders and then the rest is a piece of cake."

"Arghhhhhh." Cordy groaned as the shoulders came out.

"Say hello to twin B." Dr. Hunter said holding up our youngest daughter who was screaming her tiny head off. "Mr. Doyle cut the cord." Kissing Cordy I left her side and cut the cord again like I was a pro.

"Would you like to hold your daughter?" The nurse who took the first baby away asked me holding out a pink bundle towards me. I slowly reached out and my daughter was placed in my arms.

"Is she okay?" I asked staring at her.

"She perfect. 5lbs 7oz and 19 inches long."

"Hi princess. I'm you're daddy." I whispered softly. "You are the most beautiful creature that I have ever seen."

"Angel." Cordy called.

"Your mommy wants to meet you." I walked over to my wife.

"How is she?"

"Perfect and beautiful, just like her mom. Cordelia meet Chloe Elizabeth." I placed Chloe in Cordy's arms.

"Hi baby. Are you the one who was kicking the crap out of me or were you the one that was constantly on my bladder?"

"She looks just like you Cor." I told her.

"No. I can see you in her."

"Either way, she's beautiful."

"Mr. Mrs. Doyle would you like your other daughter?"

"How much does she weigh?" Cordy asked her.

"5lbs 10oz and 19 inches long like her sister." The nurse said placing the baby in my arms.

"Hi Zoey Christine. You are as beautiful as your sister."

"Let me see." Cordy demanded. I bent down and placed Zoey in Cordy's other arm.

"They are identical." I commented. I looked at their faces and I didn't see any difference between them.

"They're perfect."

As I stood next to Cordy, Chloe and Zoey I couldn't believe how lucky I was to be blessed with two perfect daughters, a son and wife who loved me. I couldn't imagine my life getting any better.

"Cordelia can you give up those girls for a few minutes while we finish up with you?" Dr. Hunter asked her.

"Here Angel. Take the girls." I sat on the chair next to Cordy and the nurses handed me the girls. As I stared at the precious creatures in my arms I was amazed that I could love two people so much that I had just met and I knew at that moment that I would give my life for them.

"I love you both so much." I whispered tearfully to my daughters.

_**Thanks for reading. Reviews are welcomed, encouraged and appreciated. **_


	15. Chapter 15

**I own none of the characters of Angel**

"Angel can you hand me the scissors please?" Cordy asked me. She was at the kitchen sink giving Chloe a bath while I was holding Zoey.

"Why?" I asked in a panicked voice. "Is something wrong? What do you want to cut off of her?"

"Relax Angel. I want to cut the hospital band off of her."

"No!" I practically shouted causing Zoey to jump in my arms. "If you cut the hospital band off of her leg then I won't be able to tell the girls apart and if I don't know who they are then they will never know who they are. What will happen if I start calling Chloe Zoey or Zoey Chloe? I will switch their identities and screw them up for life. You can't cut the band off. We can't risk it."

"Angel come over here please." She requested with a smile. I walked over next to Cordy and watched as she lifted Chloe's leg out of the water. "Look at her toe." I bent down and saw that Chloe's big toe had nail polish on it.

"Isn't she a little young for that Cor?" Still holding Chloe with one hand she reached out with the other and slapped me, playfully of course.

"I painted her big toe so we can cut the band off and be able to tell the girls apart dumbass."

"What if the polish wears off?"

"I'll paint it everyday." She held out her hand, palm up. "Scissors" I slowly placed the scissors in her hand.

"Be careful. Don't hurt her."

"Aww you're so cute when you're being over protective." I stood over her shoulder and watched as she cut the hospital band from Chloe's leg. "Towel." She demanded when the band was free. I reached over and placed the towel in my free arm. "Here she comes." Cordy lifted and placed a wet and squirming Chloe in my arm and then took Zoey from me.

"All right kiddo. Let's get you dressed." Poor thing; her lips were chattering she was so cold. I headed to the living room where we had their pajamas already for them. I settled myself on the floor and laid my oldest screaming daughter in front of me. Over the past couple of weeks I have become a pro at quickly dressing or changing my crying girls. Cordy and I discovered right away that neither of them liked to be naked, something I hoped they maintained for a very long time.

When Connor was born I thought it was rough but I realized that one was nothing compared to two. Chloe and Zoey weren't bad babies but we have been unable to get them on the same schedule. When we would get one baby fed and settled the other would need attention. It was the worse at night. So far neither of us have gotten much sleep. Cordy was nursing so I wasn't much help in the feeding department. She was trying to pump her breast milk so I could help feed them but she wasn't getting that much yet. Cordelia has taken motherhood in stride. She was amazing with the girls and I was so proud of her. It was like she was born to be a mom.

So far we haven't seen much of the girl's personalities. They did what all babies do; eat, poop, sleep and cry. I was assured that soon their personalities would soon develop and I hoped so because I was terrified that I would mix them up. As far as their looks went they both had a head full of dark hair and dark brown eyes. I was convinced that they looked just like Cordy and she said that they looked like me. Regardless of who they looked like my daughters were beautiful.

"Don't you two look comfy?" Cordy said with a grin when she came into the living room. Chloe and I had just settled on the couch together. I have discovered that the girls loved to lay on my chest and sleep and that's what Chloe was doing right now.

"She was tired. Her bath wore her out." I told her.

"You would use any excuse to cuddle with your girls."

"Damn right." I'm not afraid to admit it. I loved the cuddle time with my girls. I loved the feeling of their tiny bodies lying on top of my chest, sleeping soundly. Sometimes when they were fussy and couldn't sleep putting them on my chest was the only thing that would calm them down. Cordy said it was the sound of my heartbeat that put them to sleep.

"Have room for one more?" Cordy asked holding a freshly bathed and dressed Zoey.

"Of course." She placed Zoey on my chest and I kissed her head.

"Hey princess." She sighed and settled into my chest and within a few minutes she joined her sister in sleep.

"Hey gorgeous. Smile." I looked up at Cordy who was holding a camera. I flashed her smile and she snapped a picture. "This is a great picture." She sat on the edge of the couch beside me and showed me the picture.

"Yeah it's great." I agreed.

"Do you have any idea how lucky we are?" She asked wistfully looking at the girls.

"Yes I do." She turned to me with tears in her eyes.

"Angel, I'm so happy."

"I know sweetheart."

"I have everything that I have always wanted; two beautiful children and a man that loves me."

"Oh Cordelia, I love you more than you'll ever know." She leaned forward and we shared a gentle kiss.

--

"Angel you need to leave now." Cordy snapped. "Leaving my parents waiting at the airport will piss them off and that is really not a good thing."

"Can I at least finish changing Zoey's diaper?" Cordy has been on edge all day. Her parents called us yesterday and informed us that they were coming for a visit.

"Only if you hurry." Keeping my sigh to myself I finished diapering my daughter, snapped her onsey, and pulled her pants back up. I picked Zoey from the changing table and handed her to her mother.

"Relax babe. I'll make it to the airport in plenty of time."

"You can't risk it. I really want them to like you and if you are late picking them up it won't happen."

"All right, all right. I'm going." I kissed her cheek, Zoey's head and I went over to the swing and kissed Chloe and headed out the door.

On the drive to the airport I thought about my in-laws. I haven't met them yet but I have already formed an opinion of them I didn't like them. They managed to somehow get there fortune back and became the rich snobby people they were back in Sunnyvale and they practically abandoned her again. They never came to see her when she was in her coma, they couldn't be bothered to make it to our wedding, and I guess they couldn't fit meeting their granddaughters into their schedules until now when the girls were two months old.

I was very proud of myself when I got to the airport with ten minutes to spare. I checked the arrivals board and found that their flight arrived ten minutes early. Great, I knew that I would never hear the end of it. I checked the gate number and started to make my way to my in-laws when my cell phone rang. I didn't even have to look at the caller ID to know that it was my wife.

"Yes Cordelia." I answered.

"Where are you? They are waiting for you. I told you that you were going to be late." Cordy shouted.

"Relax babe. I'm here now. I'm actually early. It's not my fault that their flight came in early. I'm on my way to the gate right now."

"Don't tell me to relax."

"Look hon, I see them so I'm going to hang up now. I love you and I'll see you soon." Before she had a chance to respond I ended the call. Taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm my nervous heart I walked over to my in laws whom I recognized from the pictures that Cordy showed me.

"Mr. Mrs. Chase. I'm Angel. It's a pleasure to meet you." I said stretching out my hand.

"You're late." Mrs. Chase said crossing her arms across her chest.

"I do apologize for keeping you waiting. I honestly didn't expect your plane to be early. Isn't that an anomaly?" I said with a laugh but no one else laughed.

"You should have planned better."

"It's hard to plan when you have two newborns at home." I told them through gritted teeth.

"Well can we get out of here?" Mr. Chase asked.

"Of course we can."

At the baggage claim I discovered where Cordy learned to over pack. Her mother had at least a dozen suitcases. I had to get a cart to get all of the luggage out to the car and then I barely fit it all in the back of the SUV.

"Cordy is really excited to see you and for you to meet the girls." I said about ten minutes into our drive. I was desperate to break the silence.

"I would like to go to the hotel first to freshen up." It took everything I had not to roll my eyes.

"Of course you would." I said smartly and thankfully they didn't pick up on it.

We finished the remainder of the drive in uncomfortable silence. When we arrived at their hotel a bellboy took their luggage to their room while I waited in the lobby. Worried about Cordy I took out my cell and called her.

"Are you hanging in there?" I asked her when she answered. I was hopeful because I didn't hear any crying in the background.

"The girls are sleeping. Where are you?"

"In the hotel lobby. Your parents needed to freshen up."

"Sounds like mom and dad." She said with a laugh. "Thanks baby."

"For what?"

"For putting up with my parents. I know that they aren't the nicest people in the world."

"Can I say something without hurting your feelings?"

"Just say it."

"I can now see where you got your selfish bitchy attitude that you had when we first met."

"Hey, at least I got it honestly." I could tell that she was smiling.

"I love you Cordelia."

"I love you too Angel. I'll see you soon."

"I hope so." I smarted.

--

"Cordy we're here." I called as her parents and I walked into the house an hour and a half later and all I could hear was crying from one of the girls. "One of the twins must be hungry." I said sheepishly to Cordy's parents. "Follow me." We walked into the living room and found Cordy on the rocking chair nursing one of the girls while rocking the other screaming one in the bouncy seat with her foot. I immediately walked over and picked up Zoey. "Shhhh." I soothed her.

"Hi Mom. Hi dad." Cordy said with a huge smile. "I would get up right now but I'm a little busy. She should be done in a few minutes."

"Is there milk in the freezer?" I asked her and she nodded. I took a crying and starving Zoey in the kitchen with me and I quickly made her a bottle and then returned to the living room where Cordy was burping Chloe.

"How was your flight?" Cordy asked

"Long." Mr. Chase answered.

"Cordelia, dear, you really should have put yourself together when you have guests." Her mother said. Cordy was wearing a pair of shorts, one of my tee shirts, her hair was in a pony tail and she had no make up on. I personally thought she looked gorgeous.

"Mom I have two infants. I'm lucky that I'm able to get a shower every day." Chloe let out a big burp. "Speaking of which, would you like to meet your oldest granddaughter?" Cordy stood up and took Chloe over to her mom.

"Cordelia where is your nanny?"

"We don't have a nanny." I answered

"We'll pay for one if you can't afford it sweetheart." Mr. Chase spoke.

"Daddy we can afford a nanny. We don't want one. Angel and I want to raise our children by ourselves. Now mom do you want to hold Chloe?"

"Will she vomit on me?" I saw the hurt flash across Cordy's face.

"She's a baby mom. She very well may spit up on you but don't worry, if she does. I'll replace your blouse." Cordy placed Chloe in her grandmother's arms. "Chloe can you say hello to your grandma?"

"Cordelia I don't like the term grandma. Grandma is for old women. The girls can call me Evelyn."

"Are you kidding me mom?"

"Why would I be kidding?" Cordy sighed.

"They don't have to call you grandma. How about nana, or nanny, or maw maw?"

"No. Evelyn will be fine."

"Okay mom. Whatever." Evelyn looked down at Chloe in her arms.

"She really is beautiful Cordelia. She reminds me of you when you were a baby." Zoey finished her bottle of breast milk and I placed her on my chest to burp her. Within a minute my youngest daughter was burping like a pro.

"Mr. Chase would like to hold Zoey?" I asked.

"Very much." He nodded eagerly and I brought her over to him.

"Hi. Zoey. I'm Grandpa John."

"Cordelia there are some bags of gifts in the hall for you." Her mom said.

"I'll get them hon." I knew how much Cordy loved presents so hopefully these gifts would cheer her up.

I brought her the bags and with a smile Cordy slowly went through them pulling out purses, shoes and fancy clothes. I was surprised when her smile faded.

"Thanks mom." Cordy said without enthusiasm.

"You don't like them dear?"

"I do mom. They are really nice."

"I'm glad." Again I had to try really hard to keep from rolling my eyes. Obviously Cordy didn't really like the gifts and her mother couldn't see it.

About an hour later we had just laid the girls down for a nap and Cordy and I were in the living room making small talk with her parents. They had wanted to go out to a fancy restaurant for dinner but we couldn't take the girls with us so they had settled on Cordy and I ordering Chinese food. By the end of the night we had agreed to go to the restaurant tomorrow night while Connor and Ashley came over to watch the girls.

--

"Angel do you have family besides your brother around?" Evelyn asked me the next night at dinner. As far as Cordy's parents are concerned Connor is my younger brother, not my son.

"No ma'am. My parents are dead."

"What happened to them?" She asked

"MOM!"

"Cordy its okay. It happened a long time ago." I said. A really long time ago. "They died in an accident along with my younger sister."

"How terrible for you and your brother." I chose not to comment.

"Cordelia where on earth did you come up with Chloe and Zoey's name?" Her mom inquired.

"We just looked through the baby name book and found them and liked them. Their middle names came from Angel's mother and sister." Cordy explained.

"My mother's name was Christine which is Zoey's middle name and my sister's middle name was Elizabeth which we gave to Chloe." I added.

"That's lovely." John said.

"Why aren't the girls named after me?" Evelyn asked.

"Probably because they're dead and you're not." Cordy snapped. I reached under the table and placed my hand on her thigh, squeezing it gently. "I'm sorry. That was rude. We wanted to honor Angel's mother and sister so we gave the girls part of their names. That's all."

"Angel what kind of business do you own?" John asked me changing the subject.

"A detective agency."

"Do you specialize in anything or do you just detect anything?"

"Well actually I'm a non-specialized detective." I answered.

"And you make your living from this?" Evelyn asked me.

"Mom it's not about making a living for us. It's about helping people."

"Well that's just ridiculous." She said and Cordy stormed away from the table in tears. Thankfully we had already paid the bill so I was able to follow her.

"Cordy." I found her sobbing outside of our car. I pulled her into my arms and held her tightly.

"They just don't get me." She cried into my chest.

"Cordelia why are you so upset?" Evelyn and John had obviously followed me outside.

"You really don't get it do you mom?

"Obviously not."

"Angel is not a non specialized private detective. He fights evil. Actually we fight evil. We help those who can't help themselves."

"What on earth are you talking about?" John asked.

"Oh my God. You two have lived in Sunnydale your entire life and you were oblivious to the fact that it sat right over a hellmouth."

"Cordelia are you drunk?" Evelyn asked. "What is a hellmouth?"

"It's pure evil. Demons, vampires and anything else evil come to Sunnydale."

"There is no such thing as demons or vampires. It's just childhood stories." She said.

"Really? So those two vampires coming up behind you are just stories?" Cordy smarted. In one fluid movement Cordy and I moved her parents out of the way, pulled out the stakes that we always carried with us and turned those bastards into piles of dust. "Just a story huh?" Cordy said to her mom.

"Oh my God. You just killed those men." Evelyn said.

"How many human beings do you know turn to dust when you kill them?" I quietly asked them.

"I don't understand." John whispered.

"Do you remember when I was in high school there was someone or something that was terrorizing Sunnydale?" Cordy asked

"Cor please don't." I asked her. It was one thing that her parents knew that vampires existed but it was another for them to know that I used to be one.

"Vaguely." Evelyn answered.

"Probably because you were on one of your numerous trips. Anyways that thing that was terrorizing Sunnydale was a very evil vampire and that evil vampire was Angel."

"But Angel has been outside in the sun. I thought vampires couldn't go out in the sun" Evelyn said smugly.

"Angel is human now. It was his reward for saving the world, many times."

"Why are you telling these stories darling?" John asked her.

"You want a story daddy? I'll tell you a story. A young girl who was virtually abandoned by her parents moved to L.A. after graduation to start a new life. While there she met up with an old friend who was also a vampire who helped people. Since the young girl was poor and alone I think the vampire took pity on her and he hired her to work for him. He was assisted by a demon who received visions painful visions from The Powers That Be of people in trouble and the three of them would save those people in need." She took a break by taking a deep breath to calm her shaking voice before continuing.

"Before the vampire's demon assistant died saving the world he and the young girl shared a kiss and unbeknown to her his visions were passed along to her so she and the vampire could continue the good work. Although, countless lives were saved over the years those visions took their toll on the young woman, physically and emotionally. She no longer cared only about herself. She saw all of the pain and danger that was out there and she knew it was her mission to save these people. She cared for them and her friends more then she cared for herself. So much so that she kept how bad these visions really were from those she loved and they probably never would have found out if she didn't almost die because of them."

"Cor let's go home." I said softly.

"No! They need to hear this." She wiped the tears from her face. "She was given a choice; live the life of an actress with fame and fortune or die. Well obviously she didn't want to die so she chose the life of an actress, the life she thought that she wanted but she was wrong. It wasn't what she wanted; wasn't what she was meant to do so she found her way back to the vampire and she was given another option which she took. She became half demon so she could continue with her…with their mission."

"That cannot be true. You are a normal young woman." John said desperately. He reached out for her and using her demon powers she began to glow and stopped his hand in mid-air.

"Cordy. You know you can't glow in public." I chastised.

"How…I…Why…how could we not have known?" Evelyn asked.

"Maybe because you haven't been around mom. You and dad weren't at my graduation when a giant snake and multiple vampires attacked. To save our lives we had to blow the damn school up. I was supposedly made into a higher being, taken away from earth only to have an evil bitch overtake my body. She came back down to earth masquerading as me, slept with Connor, Angel's son not brother, so it could give birth to itself and destroy the world but Angel saved it. As it was in labor he risked his own life and killed it and we both ended up in a coma for months."

"We didn't know." John spoke.

"Yes you did." She shouted at her parents. "My friends called you when I was in a coma and you never came. When I woke up I called you and you never came. When I got married you never came. When I gave birth to your only grandchildren you waited two months to come and you act like you don't even want to be here. For God's sake you won't even let my girls call you grandma. Who does that? You brought me bags of wonderful fancy clothes, shoes and purses but that's not who I am anymore. I would have preferred gifts for Chloe or Zoey not myself. I've changed. You have no idea who I have become. I'm not the bitch who gets everything she wants anymore. You haven't been a part of my life for years and I have done just fine without you so you know what? I don't need you now." She reached out and grabbed my hand. "Angel let's go home."

"Cordelia." John called.

"Goodbye daddy. Goodbye mother." Cordy practically drug me to the car and then sat in silence staring out the window the entire ride home. I tried to talk to her but she wouldn't respond.

When we got home we fed and bathed the girls. She spent an extra few minutes with them when we put them in their cribs for the night. Instead of staying up and enjoying the peace and quiet that we had we went to bed. As soon as Cordy was changed she climbed into bed, into my arms and broke down sobbing.

"Angel I want my mom and dad." She cried over and over until she fell into a restless sleep.

_**Thanks for reading. Please review. I would really appreciate it.**_


	16. Chapter 16

**I own none of the characters of Angel**

"Angel I'm not sure about this." Cordy told me.

"Cor they will be fine. Chloe and Zoey have stayed with Connor and Ashley before and they were fine." I tried to reassure her.

"That was just for a few hours. This is all night." Since the fight between Cordy and her parents a month ago Cordy hasn't heard from them and she has been somewhat depressed so I arranged for us to have a nice night out away from home and the girls…all night.

"Ashley has raised a baby on her own and Ryan is fine and Connor is great with the girls. They will be fine and we are only a phone call away."

"I don't know." I pulled her into my arms.

"Cordelia we need this. We haven't really been out alone since the girls have been born and they are three months old. We've only made love a few times and usually one of them interrupts us. I love the girls more than anything but sweetheart we need this."

"And you promise if anything happens we'll come right home?"

"I promise."

"Okay then." I grabbed her overnight bag and we headed downstairs.

"Be good for Connor and Ashley baby girls." Cordy said kissing the girls. "Mommy is going to miss you so much."

"What about Daddy?" I asked as I kissed Zoey.

"Now if they give you any problems our cells will be on." Cordy told Connor and Ashley ignoring my question. "Don't hesitate to call about anything."

"Cordy we will be fine. Don't worry." Ashley assured her.

"If you need anything we will come right home."

"Cordy go. Have fun. Enjoy your night. We'll see you in the morning." Connor said taking Chloe from Cordy's arms.

"I don't know." Cordy said tearfully.

"Come on sweetheart." I handed Zoey to Ashley and then gently placed my arm around my wife's shoulder and led her out of the house. She was sobbing softly by the time I settled her in the SUV. "Cordelia don't worry. They will be fine."

"I know." She sniffed.

"So why the hell are you crying?"

"Cause I'm going to miss them." I reached over and took her hand.

"You'll see them tomorrow."

"I know. I guess I just need to let go."

"Just a little bit." She nodded and squeezed my hand.

"So what's the plan?" She asked me with a smile.

"Just wait and see." I said with a wink.

My plan for the night was to take my wife to a hockey game, the one sport that we both enjoyed and then off to a hotel for a night of lovemaking. Cordy and I have watched hockey games on TV lots of times and it was a blast watching them with her, the way she got so mad at the players and refs and the way she screamed at the TV, so I knew we were going to have fun at the game.

--

"Are you hungry?" I asked her at half time.

"Starving."

"Hot dog?"

"Two with mustard and a coke." I leaned over and kissed her.

"I'll be right back."

"And a soft pretzel." She called when I got to the end of our row. I laughed and waved my acknowledgment.

I groaned when I got into the extremely long food line but it gave me time to call Connor and check on the girls. I wouldn't admit it Cordy but I missed them and was worried about them as well. As soon as I hung with Connor who assured me that all was well my cell phone rang and I was surprised to see Cordy's cell number pop up on my caller ID.

"I'm in line Cordelia." I said with a grin.

"Oh good because I want some nachos with cheese, salsa and peppers in the middle."

"My god woman. What are you a black hole?"

"I'm hungry."

"I'm going to need extra hands to bring all of this food back to you."

"You'll manage." She quipped before she hung up the phone.

The second half of the game was as much fun as the first half. Cordy was more vocal at a live game then she was at home. She spent more time on her feet, yelling then in her seat. The people around us got a huge kick out of her. After the game Cordy called and checked on the girls who were sound asleep and then we headed to the hotel for the night.

"Angel this room is amazing." Cordy gushed when we walked into the room.

"I'm glad you like it sweetheart." She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me passionately. I easily lifted her into my arms and carried her into the bathroom without our lips ever parting. "How long has it been since you have had a nice relaxing bath?" I mumbled as I leaned over her and turned on the water in the tub.

"Too long." She whispered. Since the girls have been born Cordy has only had time for quick showers and not the long luxurious baths she was used to.

While the water ran I sat on the edge of the tub and slowly lifted her shirt above her head and removed her silky bra. I slowly ran my fingers over her stomach which made her shiver and made me smile. I then unbuttoned and unzipped her pants, pushed them down past her hips and to the floor where she kicked them off. As I brought my mouth to her abdomen I felt her stiffen with anxiety. "So beautiful." I mumbled.

Since she had the girls Cordy had become a little self conscious about her body. In my eyes she was as beautiful as ever, more beautiful in fact but she found flaws. She had stretch marks on her belly that I never even noticed. The only person that was bothered by them was her. I told her that they were normal after carrying two babies around for nine months but it didn't matter what I said. She didn't hear a word that came out of my mouth about some things so I just continued to assure her, everyday that she was the most beautiful woman alive.

"Angel…water." Cordy mumbled. Without taking my lips away from abdomen I reached behind me and turned the water in the tub off. After a bit of awkwardness and I was able to turn the water was off, instead of returning my hand to were it was, on her back, I placed my fingers under the straps of her underwear and slid them down her legs. Once her underwear was discarded I slid my hand back up her silky smooth leg and lifted it onto the tub next to me.

"Angel." She gasped when I slid two fingers inside of her warmth. I loved that I was so much taller than she was because sitting here on the edge of the tub with her standing in front of me gave me perfect access to pleasure her with my fingers while my mouth launched a friendly assault on her, gorgeous, luscious, enormous breasts. I have always loved her breasts. They were so soft, smooth and big but since she has had the girls they were still smooth but they have become firmer and bigger. They were huge and I couldn't get enough of them.

Cordy grabbed onto my hair when I buried my face into her breasts, slowly dragging my tongue over the sensual tissue, avoiding her nipples because last time I tired that I got a mouthful of breast milk. I felt her sharp intake of breath and her grip tightened in my hair when I began to fondle her clit with my thumb while I continued to swirl my fingers inside of her. I increased the pressure inside of her as her breathing increased and within minutes I felt her walls clench around my fingers and her moans were echoing off of the bathroom wall. When her breathing slowed she leaned forward and kissed me hard.

"Now how about that bath?" I asked when we broke apart.

"The water better not be cold." I stuck my hand in the water and found that it was still nice and warm.

"It's not cold sweetheart." Cordy surprised me by cupping my face in both of her hands.

"Thank you." She whispered with tears in her eyes.

"For what?"

"For what you just did. I really needed that. You are the most amazing husband in the world."

"That's easy when I have the most amazing wife." I took her hand and stood up. My ass was beginning to go numb from sitting on the edge of the tub. I admired her ass as she stepped into the tub.

"Are you going to join me?" She asked as she slid in.

"Do you want me to join you or would you rather relax on your own?"

"I totally want you to join me." I quickly stripped out of my clothes and squeezed in the tub behind her.

Sighing she leaned against me and handed me one of the washcloths that was in the tub. I knew that she didn't really want me to wash her but just to caress her with the washcloth. I dipped it into the water and then rang it out over her body over and over.

"This is nice." She mumbled through closed eyes.

"It sure is."

"It's been too long."

"I bet you aren't thinking of the girls now are you?" I quipped.

"A little." She suddenly sat up and looked at me. "Should I be thinking of them more? Does that make me a bad mom?"

"Aww Cor relax babe. You are a wonderful mom."

"I've wanted those girls so bad and I love them more than anything but I do miss this me and you time."

"It'll get better when they get older."

"Angel…" She began hesitantly.

"What is it Cor?"

"I want more kids." I couldn't help myself. I just laughed and then I felt bad because she looked hurt.

"I'm sorry Cordy. I didn't mean anything by laughing."

"Whatever." She pulled away from me and got out of the tub and wrapped herself in one of the robes that the hotel provided.

"Cordelia wait." I called but she stormed out of the bathroom. I jumped out of the tub, grabbed the second robe and followed her. "What did I do?"

"I was being serious and you laughed at me." She snapped as she pulled out the breast pump from her bag.

"I wasn't laughing at your suggestion."

"Could have fooled me." She set herself up on the bed, pulled out a breast and began to pump her milk. I sat beside her and she turned away from me.

"I was laughing because the girls are only three months old and it's a little soon to be thinking about more kids." She sighed irritably and turned to face me.

"I wasn't talking in like nine months you big doofus. I was just generally speaking that in the future I want more kids and when you laughed at me you really hurt my feelings." I reached for hand and she let me take it.

"Cor, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. That's the last thing that I wanted to do." I told her softly.

"Do you want more kids?" She asked and I could hear the fear in her voice.

"We've talked about this. You know I want more kids. A whole houseful right?" Biting her bottom lip she nodded.

"There is something else that we need to talk about."

"What's that?"

"I was thinking that I don't want to go back to work. I really want to stay home and raise our girls and any other kids that we have. I want to be the kind of mom that I didn't have. I want to be there when they come home from school, I want to go to all of their school functions, hell I want to be a damn P.T.A. mom."

"If that's what you want Cordy then that's fine with me. Your happiness and the happiness of the girls is what is most important to me."

"But I still want you to work with me so I can protect the girls if anything should happen and you're not around."

"You know I will."

"And I will tell you about any visions that I get so you can keep fighting evil like the one I'm having right now."

"You have got to be shitting me." I gasped. I could not believe this. My plans for the night did not include me leaving her alone.

"Not kidding. You better get dressed. It's a doozy."

--

"No way." Gunn said.

"Oh my God." Said Wesley

"Holy crap." Gasped Connor. Cordy said that we were going to need all the help that we could get and since the girls were sleeping I snuck Connor out of the house.

"Cordy said it was big but this is ridiculous."

Cordy had a vision of a demon blob. She said that it was big but what we were seeing in front of us was beyond big. It was gigantic. We were an old abandoned warehouse where this blob had taken up residence and as far as we could see that damn blob was practically as big as the whole warehouse.

"How again do we kill this overgrown snot ball?" I asked Wesley

"According to my book we have to chop his core in half."

"Like the core in an apple?" Gunn asked

"Precisely." Wes answered.

"How the hell are we supposed to do that? The core is usually in the middle and in case you haven't noticed this thing is huge." Connor said.

"I guess we just stop chopping till we get to the middle." Gunn said.

"Let's get to work." I ordered and the four of us charged.

--

Three hours later we had successfully reached the core of the giant blob and killed it. It was the most disgusting thing that we had ever encountered. The smell was so bad that I was over in the corner of the room covered in slime, puking.

"You okay dad?" Connor asked me, placing his hand on my shoulder.

"First time that I have done that in over two hundred years and I don't like it." I said spitting. "It's just the smell…I couldn't handle it."

"It's all right dad. You aren't the only one." Connor motioned behind him and I saw Gunn and Wesley puking as well.

"I need to get the hell out of here." I mumbled and Connor helped me out into the fresh air.

"That was insane." Gunn said joining my son and me outside.

"I truly didn't expect that." Wesley said.

"Wow Angel you look like a vampire again. You're pale."

"Thanks Gunn." I snapped. "I'm ready to get out of here. I left my wife in a very expensive hotel room all alone." The guys laughed and we all climbed in my car.

Back at the office/hotel I jumped in the shower because the slime was burning my skin and I knew that I couldn't return to the hotel covered in slime. Thankfully I always kept a few changes of clothes in my office so I was able to return to the hotel feeling relatively normal.

When I walked back into our hotel room and saw Cordelia sound asleep on the bed the fatigue that I have been fighting off for the past few hours hit me like a ton of bricks. As quietly as I could I crawled into bed beside Cordy so I wouldn't wake her and within a couple of minutes I feel into a deep sleep, fully clothed and didn't waken, hours later, until I felt Cordy's soft lips on my naked chest.

"I was wondering if you were ever going to wake up." She said lifting her head up with a smile. While I was sleeping she must have unbuttoned my shirt because it was buttoned up when I fell asleep.

"Sorry." I mumbled tiredly, through closed eyes. "I worked hard tonight."

"Did you kill it?" I opened one eye and looked at her.

"What do you think?" She scooted up my chest and leaned over until her face was an inch away from mine.

"I think that my hero killed the big blobby thing."

"I didn't kill it alone. I had help and it wasn't big Cordelia. It was gigantic. It was as big as the damn warehouse that he was hiding out in."

"But it's dead right?" I nodded. "My hero." With a seductive grin she closed the distance between us and we shared a slow sensual kiss. "Now where were we before my vision?"

"I believe that we had just finished fighting." I told her.

"I hate fighting with you." She mumbled kissing my neck.

"I know." I slowly untied her robe and slid it from her shoulders.

"I'm sorry I picked a fight with you."

"I know."

"You're awfully cocky aren't you?" I gripped her waist and flipped her over on her back.

"You have no idea."

"Oh I know how cocky you are." She said through giggles as her hands pushed my pants down below my hips.

"I'm sure you do." I rolled around awkwardly until my pants were on the floor.

"Angel make love to me." Cordy requested, spreading her legs and pulling me back to her.

"I love you Cordy…so much."

"I know you do. I can feel it every time you look at me. I love you too." With one smooth stroke I easily pushed myself inside of her, causing her to grunt in surprise and pleasure.

Cordy automatically wrapped her legs around my lower back and I began to thrust myself inside of her, almost pulling all the way before plunging back in. I tried to keep it nice and slow but her moans and grunts of pleasure made it really hard to take things slow. The primal sounds that were coming from her mouth made me want to explode inside of her but I couldn't be done and satisfied until my woman was done and satisfied.

When I felt Cordy's nails dig into my back and her legs tighten around my back I knew she was close and I could no longer go slow. I began to pound myself into her with a relentless passion that only came out with Cordy. She met me thrust for thrust and a few minutes later I was exploding inside of her with a grunt of her name while her womanly essence gushed around me.

"Now that's what I'm talking about." She said breathlessly as I pressed kisses on her chest.

"Did you like that?"

"Hmm…it was okay." I popped my head up from her chest and glared at her.

"Just okay?"

"Yeah just okay."

"Cordelia." I growled with a smile and she just winked at me. I reluctantly pulled out and rolled over on my side. It took thirty seconds before I felt Cordy's arms around my abdomen and her lips on my back and shoulders.

"It was amazing Angel." She whispered.

"I know it was."

"Every time that we make love it's as wonderful as the first time. I never knew sex could be so wonderful until you came into my life." I rolled onto my back and wrapped an arm around her.

"I feel the same way sweetheart. I love you Cordelia."

"I love you too Angel." I kissed Cordy on the top of her head as she snuggled up next to me with her head on my chest and within a couple of minutes she was snoring softly.

Watching her sleep I couldn't get over how lucky I was. Once upon a time I was evil…very evil. I killed more men, woman and children that I could count and by all account I should be dead and in hell, burning for eternity for all of my sins but I'm not. I'm human again, married to a woman that loves me and whom I love more than anything and I'm the father of an amazing son and two little girls. I think no matter how long I live as a human I'm never going to feel like I deserve all of this happiness that I have found.

--

The next morning or more accurately a few hours later when we both woke up again we made uninhibited love once more and then we returned home to our girls. As I stood in the living room watching my beautiful wife fawn over our daughters I knew without a doubt that I really was the luckiest man alive and I was so thankful that we were given a second chance a life together that we wanted.

_**Thanks for reading. Please review because I really do love reviews. **_


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